Tia's Story Book 1
by niceracheal
Summary: <html><head></head>In this version, a new character is added to our cast of survivors as she interacts with castaways, others, and Dharma. Plot is changed, intentions are wavered, and a twist is present. Live through the life of lostie Tia Samuels as she struggles with the horrific plane crash that changes her life forever. Keep an eye out for Book 2 (season 2) once you've finished this one!</html>
1. Day 1: A Horrific Flight

**Hello! Thank you for checking out my twist to this fantastic story! In this version, not much of the actual storyline changes. However I have added a new character to the mix to journey along with our castaways. Sometimes she takes the place of another character, sometimes she has her own original encounters with the Losties. I highly recommend watching Lost in it's entirety before you read this because the story is told from her point of view, and only hers, so a lot of plot holes exsist, as she can't be in two places at once. I hope you like her and that you're ready to journey through Lost a second time, only this time as an actual castaway! I welcome any feedback you could offer. Please? It only makes the story better! Enjoy! **

There is so much pain. A ringing through my ears hides the noise around me. It's very hot. I clutch the back of my head and feel the wet and heat of what I assume is blood. Then I remember: the plane. It broke apart in mid-air. It must have crashed. Am I in the water? No. There's no water and the sunlight is clear through the brake in the plane. I feel woozy. The ringing is beginning to clear and I hear so many awful things.

"WALT!" a man shouts.

There is a constant screaming from a woman. Is she hurt?

I'm still in my seat with the belt fastened. The man and woman that were beside me are gone. I undo the belt and try to stand. The fuselage is on its side and it's hard to keep my balance on the uneven ground with this wound on my head. There is a blanket on the seat next to mine. I grab it and rip a part off, applying pressure to my head. It hurts, but steadies my balance. The sunlight outside of the fuselage shines bright and I squint my eyes. The scene outside is horrific. People screaming, looking for lost ones, trapped by giant pieces of plane. There's the woman screaming. I'm about to step out of the plane when…

BOOM!

The heat is so intense and I am thrown back into the fuselage which tilts farther onto its side. Luckily I crash into stray cushions that only slightly soften the blow. I painfully get my feet again as I realize that a huge burn from the blast has appeared on my left arm. I grit through the pain, and walk out of the fuselage.

A man looks right at me before he falls onto a suitcase and begins rummaging through it. Then someone grabs the burn on my arm.

"Do you have a pen?"

"Ow!" I exclaim. It's like a white hot iron on my skin. The man quickly drops my arm, with a worried look on his face.

"I'm sorry, are you hurt? Of course you're hurt. Let me help you," he puts a handful of pens in his pocket and tries to help steady me. I'm still favoring my arm when he does this, and I'm taken aback by his abruptness.

"I'm fine. I don't have a pen."

"But your head is bleeding! You need to sit down."

The smell of gas and smoke is too much with the added pain of my head and arm. I lose my step, and the man grabs my other arm.

"Whoa, you really need to sit down. Here," and he sets me beside a large piece of metal where I am thankful to be off my feet. The next thing I know, the man has vanished and I try my best to stay conscious through the pain and smoke.

* * *

><p>Things died down after a few minutes. Eventually the blonde woman stopped screaming. Cries of pain were silenced; some forever. I can walk again, but my arm is very tender. The back of my head has stopped throbbing. Despite the fact I'm on a tropical island the night has become very cool. Many people have started building fires. I make my way over to the largest one.<p>

"Hey you. What's your name?" a man asks with an accent.

"Me? Charlie."

"Charlie. We need help with the fire. No one will see it if it isn't big."

Ahh, that's why it's the largest. They're trying to make a signal fire. I sit down and stare into the flame. I amvery tired, and can feel my eyes sinking, when there's a tap on my shoulder.

"Hey, dude. You hungry?" A very large man with long curly hair and a kind face offers me a plane mean wrapped in tin foil.

"Oh, thank you. I didn't even realize I was hungry." I take the food.

"Yeah, that's what most people have been telling me. Total shock of the day will take the appetite right out of you," looking at this man, I found it hard to believe his appetite ever got away from him.

He offers me plastic utensils from inside his breast pocket. "Yeah, well, goodnight I guess."

I smile and take the utensils and he walks away. Inside the foil is airline lasagna. Gross, but not the worst thing I've ever eaten. I take the salt packet from inside my utensil plastic and drown the Italian mush in flavor. I feel like my gran, who always asked for the salt no matter what we were eating. I wish she was here, and at the same time, I'm glad I refused to let her travel to Los Angeles with me. I doubt she would have survived today.

"You'll have a heart attack if you eat that much salt," says a voice above me. It's the man from earlier who was looking for pens.

"I think a heart attack is the last thing I need to worry about right now,"

He laughs, "Yeah, probably. Mind if I sit?"

I gesture to the sand beside me. He offers me a hand. "I'm Boone. And I'm sorry about earlier, during the chaos. I probably should have stayed with you. You were bleeding a lot."

I shake his hand. "I'm Tia. And don't worry about it. If you had stayed I might have shoved one of those pens down your throat. I'm not big on being saved by strangers."

"Well, we're not strangers anymore. You don't strike me as a girl who needs saving anyway. Plus those pens were a stupid idea. They would have been useless."

"What were you trying to do?"

"There was a woman who was unconscious. I was trying CPR, but it wasn't working. Some ass came and took over, but I didn't think he could do any better. So I thought I'd try one of those 'pen in the throat' things,"

"You were gonna makeshift a trache on an island in the Pacific ocean during a plane crash? You do realize that might have killed her, if she wasn't already dead."

"She's not dead. She's over there." He points to a black woman in the distance who was fingering what looked like a necklace. "What do you know about pens in throats anyways?"

"I'm a paramedic. And the probability of using a pen to resuscitate someone is highly unlikely. You probably would have missed and she would have bled to death."

"Wow, you sure are realistic."

"I've just survived a plane crash over the middle of the ocean and landed on an island, I think reality is a little out of the question in our current state of being."

We laugh. He shifts his position, "Well, Tia, it was very nice to meet you, but I've got to go check on my sister. You should find me on the rescue boat."

"If they ever come," I stare into the black abyss of the sea out on the beach and Boone walks away.

I start continue eating the pasty lasagna. What I wouldn't give for a piece of chicken right now. Then, there's a noise. Everyone is on their feet. In the distance I can see trees falling down in the jungle. There is something big out there. I put down my dinner and walk over to the other side of the fire, closer to the jungle. Everyone is asking questions. "What was that?" "Did anybody see that?" I can't imagine what it could be. It must be very large to tear down trees like that.

"Terrific," says the guy named Charlie.


	2. Day 2: A Jungle Trek

I can't find my bags. Everyone is going through the bags trying to sort out what belonged to the dead, and if theirs is in the giant pile. So far, no luck for me. I grab another possibility and open it. Nope, no luck. I sigh and put it back in the pile. A young boy walks up to me. Is he holding a dog leash?

"Have you seen Vincent?" he asks me.

"Um, maybe. What does he look like?"

"He's my dog. I can't find him."

"Oh, well I haven't seen a dog. I'm sorry," Poor kid. I doubt a dog could have survived yesterday.

The boy leaves without a comment.

I grab another possibility bag and open it. That's it! My stuff, all there, neatly folded like they hadn't witnessed yesterday's ordeal. I grab a clean tank top. It still smells like Gran's house. I soak in the comforting sent as much as I can.

"Find your bag?" It's the guy from last night. The big one with the curly hair.

"Yeah, just lucky I guess."

"Ha, yeah, you're really lucky," he's sarcastic as he looks over the beach. "I'm Hurley by the way,"

"I'm Tia. Good to meet you,"

Hurley sits down beside me "You're lucky you found your bag, dude. Still looking for mine."

"You'll find it. Everything will get sorted through eventually. It'll come up."

"Yeah, I guess. So how was dinner?"

I laugh "Disgusting, but bearable. Thanks for that, by the way. I doubt there was enough for everyone. It was nice of you to bring me some,"

"You looked like you were going to pass out. I thought you could use some food. Always settles my stomach," and he patted his large belly.

* * *

><p>Most of the day passed by smoothly. I met a lot of the survivors. There's a headcount of forty-seven. Forty-seven of the some odd three hundred that were on the flight. Three others went out this morning looking for the cockpit in the jungle. No one can find the tail section of the plane. Some people are guessing it landed in the water on the other side of the island. Word spread around quickly that I have medical training, so I had been treating small wounds with a limited supply. Apparently one of the survivors that went into the jungle this morning is a doctor. I keep telling everyone that there's not much I can do without medical supplies.<p>

The woman Boone pointed out to me last night handed me a medical kit she found in the wreckage. It hasn't been much help, but there was some burn cream in there that I used to sooth my arm. My head stopped bleeding and the cut isn't deep, so I left it alone and did what I could to help the others.

Afternoon fell on the camp and the three that went looking for the cockpit still hadn't returned. Many were worried about what they saw in the jungle last night. I've heard a lot of speculation, but no one can come up with a realistic answer.

"Hey guys, come on!" someone shouts.

I walk over to the gathered crowd. Two men are fighting and it takes a minute for me to figure out who. It's the Arab man who's been tending the signal fire and the tall brooding man, who sits on the edge of camp, smoking. And they're going at it hard. Out of nowhere, a guy in a white tee-shirt and a black man in a blue button down grab one of the men, breaking up the fight.

The guy in the tee shirt yells "Hey. Break it up. Break it up! Come on! That's it! It's over! That's it!" He has the taller man, and is pulling him away. He lets go and the taller man yells "Son of a bitch!"

"I'm sick of this redneck!" the Arab yells

"You want some more of me, boy?" and he makes a move to continue the fight, but Tee Shirt holds him back.

"Tell everyone what you told me!" the Arab says. "Tell them that I crashed the plane! Go on! Tell them I made the plane crash!"

"The shoe fits, buddy!" and, frankly I'm inclined to agree with the redneck.

"What is going on?" the guy in the tee shirt ask.

The other guy that broke up the fight enters now holding something shiny in his hand. "Look, my kid found these in the jungle." He must be the black boy's father.

The redneck ignores him. "And this guy was sitting in the back row of business class, the whole flight, never got up. Hands folded underneath the blanket. And for some reason - just pointin' this out - the guy sittin' next to him didn't make it."

"Thank you so much for observing my behavior," the Arab says sarcastically.

"You don't think I saw them pull you out of line before we boarded?" the redneck asks. Now the Arab makes a move to attack him, but the redneck, held back again by the black man, just yells "Come on, bring it!"

Then a woman yells "Stop!" and the two break their fight. "We found the transceiver," she says. "But it's not working. Can anybody help?"

The Arab man interjects, "Yes. I might be able to."

"Oh great. Perfect! Let's trust this guy!" says the redneck.

Now Hurley interjects, "Hey! We're all this together, man. Let's treat each other with a little respect."

"Shut up, Lardo." Wow, I think. That was uncalled for. Hurley is one of the nicest guys here. What a dick.

"Hey! Give it a break." says Tee Shirt. And he hands the Arab a walkie-talkie looking device.

The redneck rolls his eyes. "Whatever you say, doc. You're the hero." Oh. Tee Shirt must be the doctor who went looking for the cockpit. What did Hurley say his name was? Jack.

"You guys found the cockpit?" asked Boone and Jack nods. "Any survivors?"

"No."

The Arab fiddles with the walkie-talkie, which must be the plane's transceiver. "It's dual band, military spec. Chances are, the battery is good, but - the radio is dead."

"Can you fix it?" a woman asks.

"I need some time."

* * *

><p>I want to meet the doctor. I've been helping people all day, but I'm just a nurse and there's only so much I can do. I ask around and people tell me he's with the air marshal who has a piece of shrapnel in his abdomen. There's nothing I could do to help him.<p>

I walk up to Jack and the marshal. "Hi,"

"Hey, you're the nurse, right?"

"Paramedic," I correct. "I'm Tia."

"Jack. Thanks for holding down the fort here at camp. Did this guy do anything while I was gone?"

"No, but his temperature spiked to a fever around mid-day. He's been mumbling nonsense, something about finding 'her'. I guess he was on the plane with someone. Is there anything you can do?"

"I'm taking out the shrapnel." He says, and I can tell he's dreading it. "I thought he'd be in a hospital by now. So where'd you get your training?"

"The Army. I've been in Afghanistan for the last year. 91-Bravo."

"Wow." He looks impressed. There's no reason to be. It's not like I've done anything special.

"So did that guy get the transceiver working?"

"Yeah he did, but apparently the signal is too weak here on the beach. He and Kate are hiking into the jungle looking for higher ground,"

"Really?" I've been dying to get into the jungle since the incident with the trees. "Do you think I could go with them?"

"They could probably use a medic, but do you think you could stay here and help me with this guy?" he motions to the marshal. I would help, but I've been tending wounds all day. I didn't leave a war zone last month to get sucked right back into another one. Also, I'm dying to get into that jungle. I need to know what's out there.

"I'm sure you can find somebody to help. I kind of need a break." He looks pissed but that's not really my problem.

I walk up to the Arab guy. Having been in Afghanistan, I'm very hesitant with Arabs. But I've also learned that the vast majority are not Taliban or terrorists. Plus, after 9/11, airlines are super strict and, even in Australia, they wouldn't just let a potential terrorist on the plane. He's been victimized enough today, and he offered to help with the transceiver. He doesn't strike me as a terrorist.

"Hey there," I say, approaching him.

"Hello," he's hesitant and confused.

"I heard about your hike. Need another hand? I could use a change of scenery right now."

"I suppose," he offers me his hand. "Sayid."

"Tia," we shake. "When do we leave?"

"Ten minutes at the edge of the jungle,"

I go back to the baggage and grab a mostly empty backpack that's been thrown aside. I grab a water bottle from the table of food and a chocolate bar. I grab a light jacket from my luggage and I head over the jungle.

Sayid is there with the woman who brought the transceiver back with Jack and the English guy, Charlie. He went to the cockpit too. Boone is there with his sister Shannon, and they're arguing.

"You don't know what the hell I do!" Shannon yells at Boone.

"She makes really bad decisions to upset her family, which, at the moment, is me."

"Shut up, and stop trying to be charming," she moves to the woman and Sayid. "I'm coming with you."

"I don't... know if that's such a good idea." The woman says. Kate, I remember from my conversation with Jack. Her name is Kate.

"What are you? Two years older than me? Please." Shannon says. She turns to Charlie. "You're going, aren't you?"

"Yeah, are you?" he says.

"Yup."

"Yeah, I'm definitely going." I roll my eyes. Tall, leggy blondes turn guys into such meat loafs.

"Look, everybody can come." Kate says. She's irritated. "But we're leaving now."

"You couldn't tell from that, but she's actually really nice." Charlie says to Shannon. I find that hard to believe. She seems like such a hard-ass.

We start walking into the jungle and the ground turns into an incline. In the back of the group, the tall redneck from the fight earlier has joined our group.

"You decided to join us," Kate says to him, without turning her back.

"I'm a complex guy, sweetheart."

* * *

><p>The hike starts off easy, but soon gets rough. We end up climbing the side of a mountain, but with seven people, it's not too hard. Everyone stays mostly silent. Boone and I exchange a couple of looks and I can tell he's not happy Shannon decided to come. We've made it to a field, but we haven't make too much progress on elevation and there's trees everywhere. The redneck, who's name I've learned is Sawyer breaks the silence "Okay! Wide open space! You should check the radio, see if we're good."<p>

"We're not going to have any reception here." says Sayid.

"Just try it."

"I don't want to waste the batteries."

"I'm not asking you to keep it on all day."

"We're still blocked by the mountain." The two are getting frustrated. I have no clue why Sawyer decided to come if being around Sayid is just going to piss him off.

"Just check the damn radio!" Sawyer yells.

Now Sayid is yelling. "If I just check, we might not have any juice left when we get to—,"

He's cut off by a sound deep in the jungle. There it is! The thing knocking down the trees! My mom wouldn't believe where I am now! I have to know what it is! Everyone is worried. Next thing I know, Kate is saying "Come on, let's move."

"I shouldn't have come." Shannon whimpers as Boone grabs her to make her run.

"Go! Go!" Sayid yells. I'm still staring at the jungle and Charlie grabs my wrist.

"We need to move," he says, and he's terrified.

I start running with him but I look back and Sawyer is still facing the jungle. Kate turns around and yells his name, but Sayid keeps her running forward.

BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.

Seven gun shots. It was Sawyer. How did he get a gun? It's almost impossible to get a gun on a plane since 9/11. Is he an air marshal like that guy back at camp? We make our way back to Sawyer. A giant white lump of fur is barely breathing in front of him.

"That's... that's a big bear." says Shannon.

"You think that's what killed the pilot?" Boone asks.

"No," says Charlie. "No, that's a tiny, teeny version compared to that." Now I'm lost. Something killed the pilot? I thought the pilot was dead. There were no survivors at the cockpit. Did Kate, Jack, and Charlie keep a secret?

"Guys," says Kate. "This isn't just a bear. That's a polar bear."

She's right. A large polar bear here in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. And it can't be what was tearing down the trees last night. It's big, but not that big.

"That can't be a polar bear." says Boone.

Kate and Sayid say at the same time, "It's a polar bear."

"Yeah, but... Polar bears don't usually live in the jungle." says Shannon. Wow, great job, princess.

"Polar bears can't live this far south," I say. "It's too warm."

"This one does." Boone says.

Kate turns to Sawyer. "Where did that come from?"

"Probably Bear Village. How the hell do I know?"

"Not the bear." she says. "The gun."

"I got if off one of the bodies."

"People don't carry guns on planes," Shannon says.

"They do if they're a US Marshal, sweet cheeks. There was one on the plane."

"How do you know that?" Kate asks.

Sawyer is getting irritated, but Kate makes a point. He must have grabbed the gun from the marshal with the shrapnel. "I saw a guy lying there with an ankle holster, so I took the gun. I thought it might come in handy. Guess what? I just shot a bear!"

"So why do you think he's a Marshal?" Kate asks.

"Because he had a clip-on badge. I took that too. Thought it was cool." He shows us the badge from inside his pocket. I can't believe I thought this guy could have been a marshal. He's just a thief.

"I know who you are," Sayid says. "You're the prisoner."

Whoa, what? Prisoner? What's going on?

"You found a gun on a US Marshal. Yes, I believe you did. You knew where it was, because you were the one he was bringing back to the States. Those handcuffs were on you. That's how you knew there was a gun."

"Piss off." Sawyer says.

"That's who you are, you son of a bitch."

"Fine!" says Sawyer. "I'm the criminal. You're the terrorist. We can all play a part," he turns to Shannon. "Who do you want to be?"

The next thing I know, Kate has the gun and she's pointing it at Sawyer.

"Does anybody know how to use a gun?" she sounds worried.

"I think you just pull the trigger." says Charlie. Moron.

"Don't use the gun." Sayid says matter-of-factly.

"I want to take it apart."

"There's a button on the grip." I say. "Push that, it will eject the magazine." She follows my instruction. "There's still a round in the chamber. Hold the grip, pull the top part of the gun." She does this without any hesitation. She lied. The way she gripped the handle to pull the chamber, I can tell she knows how to use a gun.

Everyone is looking at me. Charlie's mouth is hanging open.

"How do you know how to use a gun?" Boone asks.

"I was in the Army."

"I thought you were a nurse?"

"No, I'm a paramedic, in the Army." I pull out my jacket. The US Army coat of arms is on the right breast and below that, a caduceus.

Kate hands me the clip and goes to give the gun to Sawyer, who pulls her in and whispers something to her. Sayid is eying me carefully and I start to wonder how he knows to configure complicated communications equipment like a transceiver. I don't want any distrust in the group right now. I'm already suspicious of Charlie and Kate, because they said the pilot was killed by something. Something bigger than the polar bear. I hand Sayid the clip, knowing he can't do much without the gun and there's no way Sawyer would give it to him. He hesitantly takes it from me. "We should keep moving," he says to the group.

* * *

><p>We've made it to a large field. It's very clear and we've walked over the mountain. Sayid starts fumbling with his pack and he brings out the transceiver. He fiddles with some knobs.<p>

"Oh! Now's a good time to check the radio! Not before, but now!" It's Sawyer.

Sayid, irritated says "We're up higher."

"Yes, we are!"

"Bar. Hey! We've got a bar!" Sayid yells. The group makes its way over to him and Kate. There's a lot of feedback coming out of the speaker. Sayid presses the talk button "Mayday! Mayday!" There's a loud screech.

"What is that?" Kate askes.

"Feedback." He answers.

"Feedback from what? What would do that?"

"I don't know."

"I'll tell you what would do that." says Sawyer. "This guy not fixing the radio. This thing doesn't even work."

"No. No, no, no, no, it's not broken." Sayid says. "We can't transmit because something else is already transmitting."

"Transmitting from where?" I ask.

"Somewhere close. The signal's strong."

"Somewhere close?" asks Charlie. "You mean on the Island? That's great!"

"Maybe it's other survivors." Boone suggests.

"From our plane? How would they even—," Shannon is cut off by Sawyer.

"What kind of transmission is it?"

Sayid answers, "Could be a sat phone, maybe a radio signal,"

"Can we listen to it?" Kate asks.

"Let me get the frequency first. Hold on."

Sawyer bickers more but Kate tells him to shut up as Sayid fiddles with the knob on top. Slowly we start to hear a female voice through the static.

"The rescue party. It has to be." says Charlie. Faintly we can make out words. "It's French! The French are coming! I've never been so happy to hear the French!" I'm being hugged by him, but I don't mind, because we might have found our way off the island!

"I never took French. What does she say?" I ask. "Does anybody speak French?"

Boone points to his sister, "She does."

Shannon looks taken aback by the sudden attention on her. "No, I don't. What?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" says Boone. "You spent a year in Paris!"

"Drinking, not studying!" she says frustrated.

The French voice disappears and we hear a deep male voice take over the woman's. "Iteration 7294531."

"Okay. What's that?" Charlie asks.

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." Sayid struggles to maintain the frequency. "The batteries are dying!"

"How much time do we have?" says Kate.

"Not much."

Boone continues to argue with Shannon. "I've heard you speak French! Just listen to this! Listen to it!"

"I can't!"

Sawyer is getting frustrated and he interjects, "You speak French or not? Because that would be nice."

Again the deep male voice replaces the French woman's, "Iteration 17294532."

"Come on. Come on, Shannon!" Boone encourages her.

The female voice is back and Shannon says "It's…it's repeating."

"She's right," says Sayid. "It's a loop. 'Iteration'—it's repeating the same message. It's a counter. The next number will end... '533'."

The voice is back, "Iteration 17294533."

"Does anyone know what the hell he's talking about?" says Sawyer.

"It's a running count of the number of times the message has repeated. It's roughly thirty seconds long, so... how long." He begins to do the math in his head.

"Don't forget to carry the one, chief," says Sawyer. Wow, what a prick. Doesn't he want to get rescued?

Sayid hands the transceiver over to Shannon, who holds it up to her ear. She concentrates hard. "She's saying, 'Please'. She's saying, 'Please help me. Please, come get me.'"

"Or she's not! You don't even speak French!" says Sawyer and we all yell at him to shut up.

"Iteration 17294535."

Shannon keeps translating, "'I'm alone now. On the Island alone. Please, someone come. The others, they're... they're dead. I-it killed them. I-it killed them all.'"

"That was good." says Boone.

"Sixteen years." says Sayid. "Sixteen years and five months. That's the count. The iterations. It's a distress call. A plea for help. A mayday. If the count is right... It's been playing over... and over... for sixteen years."

"Someone else? Was stranded here?" says Boone.

"Maybe they came for them." I suggest.

"If someone came, why is it still playing?" Sawyer condescends.

Charlie intervenes, "Guys. Where are we?"

* * *

><p>We've started back to camp, but we hiked a long way and didn't start until the afternoon. The sun was beginning to set.<p>

"It's getting dark." Boone says.

"Then pick up the pace," says Sawyer.

"We should make camp." Sayid interjects. We're in a clearing, not nearly as big as the one on the mountain. Everyone bickers about whether to camp or not.

"I'm not stopping." Sawyer says. "Ya'll have a nice cookout."

"Excellent, walk through the jungle in the dark," says Sayid.

"Oooo, afraid the trees are going to get us?"

"No, what is knocking down the trees will get you."

Sawyer pulls out the marshal's gun. "Well, if you're so worried about me, how about you give me the clip back?"

"Put the gun back in your pants, Sawyer," Kate says. "Sayid's right, if you keep walking you're not going to make it to the beach." She and Charlie exchange a look. What happened to the pilot out there?

"Yeah, why's that?" Sawyer asks.

"Trust me."

* * *

><p>Night soon fell and we set up camp. I got a fire going with some matches I found in a stray suitcase. It didn't take long for everyone to get settled.<p>

Sayid grabs a rock from the edge of the clearing and walks it back over to the fire. He throws it on the ground and grabs a stick at the edge of the fire. The end is hot with flame.

"This is Australia," he says, indicating the rock he threw on the ground. "This is us," he waves the torch, meaning the plane.

"Nice stick," Sawyer says, but we ignore him.

Sayid continues, "Two days ago we take off from Sydney. We fly along the same north east route every commercial airliner bound for Los Angeles does. Now the pilot, he said he lost communication with the ground, correct?"

"Yeah," says Kate. "Six hours in. He turned around and headed for Fiji."

"So, we changed course," continues Sayid. "Regrettably, no one knew we changed course. The turbulence hit. We know the rest," and he smothers the end of the torch in the grass.

"The pilot said we were over a thousand miles off course," says Kate.

Charlie says something about satellites and my mind drifts. So, not only did Kate, and presumably Charlie and Jack, witness the pilot's death, but they also talked to him and in detail about the flight. The more Kate opens her mouth, the less inclined I am to believe her, and it seems like I'm the only one in the group that has no idea about what happened on the expedition to the cockpit. No one looks confused. Sawyer looks irritated, Shannon looks bored, and Boone looks tired.

"Okay, really enjoyed the puppet show," says Sawyer. "Fantastic. But we're stuck in the middle of damn nowhere. How about we talk about that other thing? You know that transmission Abdul picked up on his little radio? The French chick that said, 'They're all dead.' The transmission's been on a loop for … how long was it, Freckles?"

He motions to Kate, "Sixteen years," she answers.

"Right. Let's talk about that."

"Well, we have to tell the others when we get back," says Boone.

"Tell them what, exactly?" Shannon asks. "You didn't hear anything. I'm not a stupid translator."

"No one's going to tell them anything," Sayid decides. "To relay what we heard without fully understanding it will cause a panic. If we tell them what we know we take away their hope. And hope is a very dangerous thing to lose."

"So we lie,' says Kate. No wonder she caught on that fast. She's been lying this whole time.

Everyone settles down. I see Boone get up from the group and start to move towards the edge of the clearing. I decide to follow him. He's the only on in this group I trust even a little, partially because he tried to help me during the chaos. He quickly notices me following him, but continues towards the jungle.

When we get to the edge I ask him, "What happened to the pilot?"

"What do you mean?"

"Kate and Charlie keep looking at each other. I didn't know the pilot was killed. Jack said there were no survivors at the cockpit. He didn't mention anything about the pilot dying, let alone getting killed,"

"Well, you're not behind on much," said Boone. "Basically they went out to the cockpit and the pilot was alive, told them everything Sayid said at the campfire and was picked up by something they didn't see. It ripped his guts out."

"Why didn't they tell the camp?"

"Same reason we're not telling them about the French transmission, I guess."

I look at Boone. "Okay then. I guess I'm gonna go to sleep."

"Night," he says and resumes to what I assume is him taking a leak.

It all made sense. It was killing me to find out what this creature was that can lift full grown men out of cockpits and tear them limb from limb. I really wish my mom was here. She'd kill for a study like this.

I lay back down on my patch of grass. I've slept in worse. I stare at the stars, the constellations so different from the ones I've become accustomed to and slowly drift off into sleep.

* * *

><p>"What are you doing?"<p>

Sayid's voice wakes me instantly and I see Boone's standing figure in the light of the fire. He's holding the gun.

"I was standing guard. You heard what they said is out there." He says

Sawyer is pissed. "You took my gun off me, boy?"

Now Shannon is there. "Please, you've never even held a gun. He doesn't believe in guns. He's goes on marches."

"You go on marches?" I ask.

"I don't go on marches," he denies.

"Give it back to me." Sayid demands.

"Yeah, give it to Al Jazeera, he'll protect us," says Sawyer.

"Al Jazeera is a network," Charlie interjects.

"I'll keep the damn gun," says Boone.

Then Shannon says, "We should give it to her," and she points to Kate.

"Yeah," agrees Charlie. "Kate should hold the gun,"

"Fine with me," says Sayid.

The whole camp is looking at me, waiting for my confirmation that this is a good idea. But I don't want Kate holding that gun. There's something about her. I don't know why she would lie about knowing how to use one. But I'm not raising any heads in my direction.

"Yeah. Yeah, she should,"

Boone looks hurt by my decision by hands it over reluctantly after a pestering "Well," from Sayid.


	3. Flashback 1: Why This Flight?

Flashback: August 2004: Afghanistan.

The convoy was traveling to a small base about thirty miles away from where we came. Arab Forces came out of no where, shooting at the trucks. As soon as the truck stopped I was on my feet, four combats flanking me in all positions. "Move, medic! Move!" They shouted, telling me it was okay to go. In each hand I held a medical bag. The Private on my left side dropped , but I kept running.

We had made it to cover behind tall rocks. It was unlikely the Forces saw us run here, with all of the dust that was flying around us. I hadn't noticed my second flank had fallen. It was just me, Gibbs, and Harvey. I wasn't supposed to see combat. I pulled the rifle off my shoulder and loaded the chamber.

Gibbs turned to me. "Tia, the way things are going out here, I doubt we'll make it. And, well, while I've got the chance…" The next thing I knew we were kissing. And it was nice. Rory Gibbs, the one decent man in the army I'd met. And I couldn't enjoy it, because of the terror around me.

We broke apart. "Rory-," I stumbled.

"Don't mention it." And he winked at me.

"Dammit, you two!" Harvey mumbled. "The Army doesn't have time for you guys to canoodle-,"

He was cut off by a gunshot from behind. He fell and I saw his attacker. I shot and hit the Afghan shooter. He was dead. "Nice, shot," Gibbs said. "Guess i picket the right-," and he fell, his blood soaking the ground.

BOOM!

It hit me in the shoulder. They missed my heart. A once in a lifetime save, but that didn't stop the pain. It was so intense and took everything I had to lay on the ground motionless, as if they had killed me. I could see Gibbs's shoes from my position. My shooter shouted a command and I passed out.

* * *

><p>September 2004 Sydney, Australia<p>

"Pass the salt," Gran said. I just fiddled with my potatoes. "Didn't you hear me, Lady? Pass the salt!"

"It's at your elbow, Gran," I said, pointing.

She poured salt onto her potatoes and took a big sigh. "Lady," she said. "Look at me right now," I looked at her. "This has got to stop, Tia. I understand you've gone through a horror. I saw your grandfather go through many. But that's no excuse to stop living what life you've got left. You've been out of therapy for three weeks. Lady, you need to go back to work. Keep doing what you love,"

"Maybe I don't love it anymore, Gran,"

"Bull," she said. I was always shocked when she used rough language. "You need to back to The States. You need to go home. See your father and your brothers,"

"They don't want to see me,"

"Lady, if you make me say 'bull' one more time I will throw you into the ocean. I booked us plane tickets. We're leaving on the 23rd."

She couldn't leave. She was too sick. Her cancer had reached a radical point. Her death had been called two years ago. She was a fighter, but I couldn't let her leave this facility.

"Gran, you can't come with me. You know Dad wouldn't like it," I said as a cover

"Piss on your father. I got you a job interview at St. Sebastian's Hospital. I noticed they hadn't hired many veterans, and they're looking for 'em!"

There's no way I was going to let Gran go with me. I did need to get out of there. I needed to get a job, get back to work and distract myself from the last month.

That night, the 21st of September, I called the airline. I cancelled Gran's flight and booked another for tomorrow, the 22nd.


	4. Day 3: What I'm Used To

We arrived back at camp the next morning and everyone was there to greet us, eager for what we found on the transceiver. I'm still not comfortable lying about the French woman's voice, but I'm determined to go along with the group.

Sayid speaks to the gathered crowd of castaways. "As you and the others know, we hiked up the mountain in an attempt to help the rescue team locate us. The transceiver failed to pick up a signal. We weren't able to send out a call for help. But we're not giving up. If we gather electronic equipment - your cell phones, laptops - I can boost the signal and we can try again, but that may take some time. So for now, we should begin rationing our remaining food. If it rains, we should set up tarps to collect water. I need to organize 3 separate groups. Each group should have a leader. One group for water - I'll organize that. Who's going to organize electronics?" a girl in the back raises her hand. "You? Rationing food?" a snarky looking man in a red shirt volunteers. Sayid continues dividing the group into teams.

I see Kate talking to Jack away from the crowd and I know she's telling him the truth about our trip. Even when she agrees to lie it's a false promise. I just don't understand this girl. They finish their conversation and Jack approaches me.

"Hey," he says. He doesn't really seem angry at me anymore for ditching him, which I'm grateful for. "Did you join a group yet?"

"No,"

"Well maybe you could join mine. Hurley and I are looking for as many antibiotics as we can. I figured we'd better stick up on meds and supplies early,"

"Good plan. I guess I can look in the baggage?"

"Hurley went through it all, but he didn't find much. I was thinking you could keep an eye on the marshal while I check the overhead compartments in the fuselage?"

"You're looking in the fuselage with all the bodies?"

"I'm running out of options,"

"Are these antibiotics for the marshal?"

"Yes,"

"So, you're going to waste what little resources we might have on a man who had two pounds of metal stuck out of his abdomen?"

"Yes. And I'll use as many as it takes," he says angrily and walks away.

* * *

><p>It is so boring watching this guy. All me does is mumble and breath and cough. I guess that's one great thing about working as a combat med: they don't make you waste your time on the boring, almost dead people. You treated the high risk, immediate action cases. Much more fun. This is what I dreaded about working in a hospital, but at least there I don't have to give him water with a soaked wash cloth.<p>

I have to admit, though. Jack did a great job with the shrapnel. It's a clean cut and his sewing is top notch. He must be a surgeon.

"Hey dude," its Hurley. He checks in with a new water bottle to make sure I don't run off again. This is why I hate doctors. They all treat nurses like their little lap dogs while they get to do all the cool stuff like rip out shrapnel.

"Hey Hurley. More water?"

"Actually I thought you could use a break. I know it's raining, but it's kinda nice,"

"Oh, thanks,"

"No problem, dude,"

As I'm leaving Jack's makeshift tent I can see Kate approaching. I nod at her.

"Hi," she says. She's smiling. "I just wanna to say, thanks for coming on the hike. You really helped keep the peace with the gun situation,"

I can see by the way she's standing that she has the gun, bullets and all, in the back of her jeans. Before I can stop myself, I say, "I know you lied about the gun,"

Her head jerks up fast and, nonchalantly she says, "What are you talking about?"

"The gun. When you asked how to use it. You released the round from the chamber before I told you how. Don't worry, though I don't think anyone noticed,"

She looked at me, contemplating. After a few seconds, she said "I'd just like it if no one knew. I would have voted to give the gun to you, actually,"

I wouldn't want the gun if it was offered to me. The way I saw it, there was only one bullet left. Best case scenario there's some kind of wild animal out there we can eat.

I chose not to respond to the comment. Instead I said, "Jack's not in the tent. I don't know where he is,"

"Oh, thanks," she said.

The rain was really coming down, but I never minded the rain. I sat down on a patch of wet sand, breathing in the fresh air. I saw Hurley leave the tent with the empty water bottles. Kate was still in the tent, I assumed, and with the gun. I honestly didn't mind, and if she killed him, I wasn't going to complain. Jack might not understand, being a hospital surgeon, it was his whole life to keep people alive. It was my job to keep people fit. If they couldn't get better, we sent them away. If there was no way they would make it, they'd choose death. I had a feeling if this guy could get out a coherent thought, he'd ask for it. His abdomen is ridged and he was coughing up blood. There's absolutely nothing we can do to help him in our present situation.

The next thing I know, Jack is storming into the tent. The rain is really coming down and I can hear some yelling, but I can't make out the words. I get up from my spot and run to the tent. As I get closer, I hear Jack say, "…saw your mug shot, Kate! I am not a murderer!"

Mug shot? She was the prisoner on the plane! The marshal was escorting her back to The States. Now it makes sense why she lied about the gun! Did she go into the tent to kill him? I can't imagine that happening, but it doesn't seem so bizarre now that I know more of the truth. I run to the other side of the tent and see Kate walk away, crying.

* * *

><p>Later, after the rain stopped, the whole camp could hear the marshal's crying. His pains were unbearable to hear. At one point I heard Shannon say to Boone, "I wish he would just die, already," which he criticized her for saying.<p>

When Jack finally came out of the tent for more water I approached him. "Anything I can do to help?"

"You didn't want to help earlier," he was exhausted.

"That's because it felt like you were forcing me to. Everyone's getting upset. They want to know what's going on with the marshal,"

"I'm trying to save his life,"

"Rumor has it you can't. Sometimes you can't save everyone,"

"Oh, yeah?" he said bitterly. "You learn that in the Army?" and he walked away.

Wow. Okay, then. No more help from me.

* * *

><p>Later I saw Sawyer walk into the tent when Jack went to get water. The next thing I know, BOOM! I dropped my water bottle and ran to the tent, Jack quickly on my heels, Hurley not far behind.<p>

What I saw was devastating, and I was instantly at the marshal's side, covering the wound, forcing my reflexes to stop reaching for tools that weren't there. Sawyer left the tent, and outside I heard Jack yell, "What did you do?"

The marshal started making choking noises, his perforated lung gasping for air that it couldn't retrieve. His eyes were wide open and he was convulsing from the lack of oxygen.

"You shot him in the chest?" Jack yelled at Sawyer.

"I was aiming for his heart,"

"You missed," I said.

Hurley was at the entrance to the tent. "Man, is he still breathing?"

"You perforated his lung," said Jack, who had taken the body over from me. "It'll take hours to bleed out,"

Sawyer mumbled nonsense and ended with, "I only had one bullet,"

"Get out. Get out!" yelled Jack. I stayed and kept handing Jack bits of cloth. "You too," he said to me. "You don't need to see this,"

"I've seen worse, trust me,"

"I don't care. Get out!"

I left the tent, my hands covered in the marshal's blood. I saw Sawyer throw a cigarette on the ground and walk away in fury. A few seconds later, the marshal's sounds of pain stopped and Jack came out of the tent. He looked like hell. He walked up to me. "Thanks for trying. In the end," he said remorsefully.

"If you hadn't done it, I would have," I said. "And it wouldn't have been murder," and I walked away.


	5. Day 4: Shedding Light

Not much has happened so far, today. I've met more people, cleaned more wounds. A guy named Ethan gave Jack and I a bunch of meds he'd found raiding the luggage that was never claimed. I didn't meet him, but Jack thought he was weird.

Since the marshal's death last night, Jack has been much more decent to me today, and in return, I've reciprocated. He's not that bad. I've never worked with surgeons, and it's a very interesting experience. I'd expect them to have excellent bedside manner, but Jack's is kind of awful. Even worse than mine.

* * *

><p>Later in the day I met an Australian girl named Claire, and boy was she pregnant. I can't believe what her doctor was thinking, letting her travel. I don't really have any experience with pregnancy, but I know the basics of where she should be right now. It's a miracle she didn't miscarry during the crash.<p>

"Boy or girl?" I ask her.

"You know, everyone keeps asking me that,"

"That's because most people have a preference,"

"What's yours, then?"

"Boy, I guess. But I've never really thought about it,"

"I don't know for sure what it is. But in my head he's a boy,"

I can feel him kick around under her shirt. "He seems to be in the right place. You do realize he could come any day now?"

"Don't remind me," she says, and we both laugh.

* * *

><p>Around dusk, people were starting to leave me alone. All of their bandages were changed, and there wasn't any more to do. The young boy, his name was Walt, had found his dog earlier in the day. He visited me by my makeshift shelter that I was working on.<p>

"This must be Vincent," I said as he approached my tent. I'm actually not too bad when it comes to kids.

"Yeah, I'm just taking him for a walk," he came closer to me. "Mr. Locke says, you were in the Army,"

"Who's Mr. Locke?" I ask. Rumor spreads fast around here.

"You know, the bald guy,"

"Oh is that his name?" That guy was strange. He sat at the edge of camp mostly by himself. Yesterday I'd seen him widdeling something out of bamboo. He smiles, but I haven't really seen him speak to anyone.

"Yeah. So do, like, shoot guns and stuff,"

Wow, this kid is really forward, "Umm, sometimes, but that's not really what I did. I was a medic."

"Have you ever been shot at?" he asks.

I instinctively grab my right shoulder. This kid's dad was really overprotective. I doubt he'd like me talking about this kind of stuff with his kid. I just looked at Walt and said, "Not recently," depending on your definition of "recently" it wasn't technically a lie.

"Walt!" I hear a man shout. It's Michael, Walt's father. "Walt, I told you not to wonder off,"

"I was just coming over her to talk to Tia, and Vincent needed a walk!" he defended.

Michael sighed. "I'm sorry about my boy. Was he bothering you?"

"Not at all," I said, earning an approving look from Walt. "I didn't mind the company, and I love dogs," I bent down and rubbed Vincent's left ear. He panted and wagged his tail.

"Go back to the tent and get ready for bed," Michael said to Walt. Walt huffed and stomped back across camp.

"You have a very nice son," I said to him. "How old is he,"

"He's, umm, ten," said Michael. "And thanks. Goodnight." And he walked back, following Walt and Vincent.

* * *

><p>That night Vincent wouldn't stop barking. It kept everyone awake and some people were getting really angry. I got up to go see the ruckus and people had gathered around the fuselage. There was something moving inside, making a lot of noise.<p>

"What is it?"

"Somebody's in there."

"Everyone in there's dead."

"Sawyer," suggested Jack.

But he was with the group, "Right behind you, Jackass,"

Jack pulls out a small flashlight from his pocket. I had left mine at my tent. Sawyer follows with a giant one, but he keeps it at bay, until,

"I'm gonna shed some light on this thing,"

He shined the light right on an animal, that looked like a pig, but I couldn't be sure. Jack screamed, "Run!" and everyone took off, including me.

When I'm at a safe distance, I turn around. In the light of the signal fire I can see three of the animals, running back into the jungle. Charlie, who's beside me asks, "What the bloody hell was that?"

"Boars." It was the man Walt was talking about. Mr. Locke.


	6. Day 5: Mr Locke

The next morning a group of us get together to discuss our boar problem. Myself, Jack, Sayid, Kate, and Charlie. "Those boars were looking to feed. We have to get rid of the bodies," says Jack.

I'm bandaging a cut on Charlie's side. "Bury them?" he says. "There's a whole bunch in there,"

"More than twenty," says Sayid. "Digging will be difficult without shovels,"

"We're not burying them. We need to burn them," Jack says.

We're all taken aback. "They're people," Kate says.

"I know they're people, Kate."

Sayid interjects, "Burning the remains, they deserve better than that," he is solemn.

"Better than what?" Jack asks. "Being eaten by wild animals? Because that's what's going to happen. Any bodies we bury are not going to stay buried for very long." No one is agreeing with him. For once, I'm inclined to, because what he's saying makes sense, but it just doesn't seem right. He continues, "Look, I know this seems harsh, but that fuselage in the sun—it's not about what they deserve. They're gone, and we're not,"

"What you say may be true," says Sayid, "But for us to decide how these people are laid to rest—it's not right. No regard for their wishes? Their religions?"

"We don't have time to sort out everybody's god," Jack says.

"Really? Last I heard we were positively made of time?" Good old Charlie, breaking the tension.

"Look, I'm not happy about it either, but we crashed a thousand miles off course. They're looking for us in the wrong place. It's been 4 days, no one's come. Tomorrow morning we need everyone to start gathering up wood, dried brush, and turn that fuselage into a furnace. Wait until the sun goes down tomorrow night before we start the fire," Jack says before he takes off.

I finish Charlie's scrape and he looks at me and asks, "If he's so eager to burn the bodies why are we waiting until sundown?"

"He's hoping someone will see it." I tell him.

* * *

><p>About an hour later Sawyer's gotten into another fight, this time with Hurley. "What's your problem? Hand them over." Hurley yells, reaching for a backpack Sawyer is grasping.<p>

"How about no?" and he pulls the pack out of Hurley's reach.

"There's other people here or don't you give a crap?"

"Well if one of us wouldn't eat more than his fair share,"

"Oh that's bull and you know it!" They continue yelling at each other. I jog up and say "Guys, knock it off,"

"Stay out of this, GI Jane," Sawyer says to me.

The next thing I know, Jack and Sayid are there, breaking up the fight. "What's going on?" Jack demands.

"Jethro here's hoarding the last of the peanuts," says Hurley.

"My own stash. I found it in there," Sawyer points to the fuselage.

"What about the rest of the food?" I ask Hurley.

"There is no rest of the food, dude. We kind of—ate it all." That did it. Everyone in the crowd starts worrying. Jack intervenes with "Okay everybody, just calm down,"

"We can find food," Sayid says. "There are plenty of things on this Island we can use for sustenance."

Sawyer sits down on an airline seat and asks, "And exactly how are we going to find this sustenance." THUNK! Dead center of the seat next to Sawyer, a knife had been embedded in the cushion. Everyone jerks around to see where it came from.

The bald man, Mr. Locke is coming out of a throwing stance. "We hunt," he says matter-of-factly. Jack approaches the chair and yanks the knife out of it.

"How'd you get that knife on the plane?" I ask him.

"Checked it," he answers.

As Jack reached to hand the knife back he says to the man, "You either have very good aim, or very bad aim, Mr..."

"Locke," interjects Michael. "His name is Locke."

"Okay Mr. Locke," Jack says, intrigued. "What is it that we're hunting?"

Locke takes a deep breath and starts, "We know there are wild boar on the Island. Razorbacks, by the look of them. The ones that came into the camp last night were piglets, 100, 150 pounds each. Which means that there's a mother nearby. A 250 pound rat, with scimitar-like tusks, and a surly disposition, who'd love nothing more than to eviscerate anything that comes near. Boar's usual mode of attack is to circle around and charge from behind so I figure it'll take at least four of us to distract her long enough for me to flank one of the piglets, pin it, and slit its throat."

I'm impressed. It's a well thought out plan. I've never hunted, but I know the basics, and this guy seems like a pro.

"And you gave him his knife back?" says Sawyer.

"Well, if you've got a better idea," Jack says.

"Better than four of you wandering into the magic forest to bag a hunk of ham with nothing but a little bitty hunting knife? Hell no, it's the best idea I ever heard."

I look back at Locke and he's opening a silver case with his boot. Inside are about twenty sharp, threatening hunting knives.

Who is this guy?

* * *

><p>Kate and Michael both volunteered for the hunt, but a fourth person never stepped up to the plate. I'm trying to secure the tarp over my makeshift bed of airline pillows and seat cushions, but it's difficult. "Need a hand?" says a voice from behind, startling me. I turn around and see Locke smiling at me.<p>

"Thank you," I say and offer him the rope I'm using to tie the tarp to a tree.

He secures it with ease, as he much taller than I am. "Thank you, Mr. Locke."

"John," he offers. "Please, call me John."

"John, then. What can I do for you, John?"

"Well, I didn't know if you noticed, but my party is still in need of a fourth person, and I can't think of anyone better than someone with your expertise."

Oh, he's a flatterer. But it doesn't work on me. "I don't know what expertise you think I have, John, but just because I was in the Army does not mean I know how to bag a boar with a knife."

He laughs. "I was actually talking about your medical skills. The doctor is busy with his plans for the fuselage, but I hear you're just as capable. I don't think anything will happen, but you can never be too careful."

I have to admit, I'm very curious about this John Locke. I'm not entirely thrilled that Kate is going, given what I've learned about her, but it couldn't hurt to make nice with Michael. I feel bad for his son. Maybe if he learned to trust some of the other campers, he wouldn't be so paranoid.

"All right," I say. "I'm in."

"Great. Meet us at the edge of camp."

* * *

><p>About an hour later I'm in the jungle with Kate, John, and Michael. John and Kate move quietly and I follow their example. Michael is much louder and I can tell he doesn't have much experience outdoors. Soon enough, John is on the ground, scraping the soil with the edge of his knife.<p>

"You find something?" I ask.

"The ground here has been rooted up. That's how boars get the majority of their food, they dig. Afterwards they generally wallow in the dirt, rub up against the trees, scoring them with their tusks."

"Okay. So what's all that mean?" asks Michael.

"It means we're close," and he walks deeper into the jungle.

I grab Michael's attention and start conversation. "Your son, how's he handling the crash?"

"A hell of a lot better than I am," he says, stepping over a fallen branch.

"You must be proud. He's a brave kid,"

"Yeah. I can't take credit for that. I wasn't part of his life. Till his mother passed away, two weeks ago,"

Wow, only two weeks? "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"That's okay. There were living in Sydney the past couple of years. I flew out last week, you know, to go get him. What were you doing in Australia?"

"Visiting my grandmother. She has cancer and she's being treated at a center in Sydney," no need to tell him I was a patient at the physical therapy department of the center.

"What about you, Kate?" he asks her. Before she can respond, our conversation is cut off my Locke, who tells us to "shhh".

He's stopped in front of a tree with definitive tusk marks at the bottom of the trunk. He signals to Kate and I to move around the back. He motions to Michael, but apparently Michael doesn't understand and he blurts, "Hey, quit giving us the steal signal."

The next thing I know, there's a boar charging right at us. I jump to the right as Locke pulls Kate to the left and we all land on the ground. A tusk must have gored Michael because he's started screaming with pain. Kate and I move to check on him. I don't think anything is broken, but he was definitely hit with the tusk.

"He's bad," I say and Kate nods in agreement. "He's hurt. John? Can you hear me?" I look over and he's still lying on the ground, staring at his feet.

"Locke? John you okay?" Kate asks him. She gets up to check on him, but I start ripping the sleeve off Michael's shirt. "Locke?" she asks again.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, Helen, I just got the wind knocked out of me is all," he says to her.

"Helen?" Kate asks.

"What?"

"You called me Helen."

"Did I?"

I make a tourniquet out of Michael's sleeve ad start wrapping it around his injured leg.

"Which way did that boar go?" Locke asks.

"John," I say. "Michael's hurt. We have to get him back to camp."

"Yeah, you two take him back to camp," he gestures at Kate and I. "I'm going to get that boar."

I look up, shocked, and glad to see the same expression on Kate's face. "What are you talking about?" she asks him.

"I'm fine. I can do this," he insists.

"John, you can't."

"Don't tell me what I can't do," he grumbles and walks away, gripping his knife tightly.

* * *

><p>We're halfway back to camp when Kate stops us.<p>

"What's up?" I ask.

"There's something I need to do," she starts taking off her backpack, then her over-shirt. She rummages through her pack until she finds a mechanical looking device.

I help Michael sit down and he says, "I thought the guy with the gimpy leg should be deciding when we rest. What are you doing?" he asks her.

"Trying to boost the transceiver signal," she says, fiddling with the device. "I'm going to climb this tree and attach the antenna." She puts it back in her pack.

"You're going to climb that?" Michael asks. He doesn't sound positive and I have to agree. It's very high.

"Yeah. Don't worry. I've climbed a lot worse," she assures us. She puts her pack back on and starts up the tree. She's very fast. Soon she's at a position with good grip and she takes the antenna out of her pack and starts attaching it to the tree. It's going well, but all of a sudden, the ground starts to tremble.

The sound from our first night on the island from the thing that made the trees fall down is here, all around me and much closer. I freeze and only my head turns, like an owl, trying to find the source of the mysterious noise. But the antenna falls beside me with a thump and I look up at Kate. She must have dropped it. She's looking out in the direction we came from, and the noise is getting farther away, moving in that direction. Toward Locke.

Kate falls beside me on her feet and grabs the antenna. It's busted. She puts it back in her pack and says, "We need to move, now."

"But what about Locke?" I ask.

"He'll be fine, but we need to get Michael back to camp."

She's right. We each resume are positions on either side of him and hightail it back to camp, the sound eventually disappearing. Michael is much quicker this time and soon we're back at camp.

As soon as we break the trees, people notice us and Hurley looks at Michael and asks what happened. Walt is there almost immediately. "Dad! Dad!"

"Hey, hey!" Michael says to him as Kate and I hand him over to some other people.

"Your leg's all messed up. Does it hurt?" Walt asks him.

"It's okay. It's not as bad as it looks."

I turn back and face the jungle. What is that thing out there? Is Locke okay? There are so many questions I have that can't be answered so I go back to my tent to cool down.

* * *

><p>There's a ceremony that night for the bodies in the fuselage. It burns massively bright. There's no way you could miss it if you were out at sea or in a plane above. The ceremony is nice and the pregnant girl, Claire, reads off names of discovered driver's licenses and passports.<p>

* * *

><p>Locke returned later with a massive dead boar, covered in its blood. I asked him about what campers are starting to call "the monster", but he refused to say anything.<p> 


	7. Day 6: Lapdogs

The next morning I've found a large jumble of guavas on the ground. Boone is with me and we sort through them, picking out the good ones from the spoiled.

"So, you know I was in the army. You know I'm a medic. What about you? What did you do?" I ask, ignoring the fact that I used the past tense.

"I run a business,"

"Really? What kind? A lifeguard training company?" I joke.

He laughs. "No, it's a wedding company. My mom's, actually."

"Does Shannon work at the company too?"

"No. Shannon is actually my step-sister. Her dad married my mom when we were little. She and my mom don't really get along."

"Oh, that sucks. I don't—," I'm cut off by a distant cry.

"Help! Somebody help!"

We're both on our feet and out in the ocean, we see a woman struggling against the tide. Boone immediately kicks off his shoes and throws me his tee shirt and the next thing I know, he's in the water swimming after her. I drop his shirt and run to the shore watching him swim to the woman. Soon, though, I can't see him and not long after her cries stop and she disappears as well. I can see another person swimming out to their rescue. It's Jack and he dives under water and comes back up with Boone. He starts swimming him back, and I run the length of the shore, just in time to meet them there. Charlie helps me grab Boone, but as soon as we have him, Jack is making his way back into the ocean.

"Jack?" Kate yells.

"There's someone else still out there," and he dives back into the water.

Charlie and I set Boone on the ground. He's coughing up water, but otherwise he seems okay. I watch as Jack gets deeper and deeper into the ocean. The woman has disappeared completely. Jack keeps diving and resurfacing. Eventually he makes his way back to the shore. He's exhausted. He lands on his knees in the wet sand and says "She's gone."

* * *

><p>I go grab one of the guavas and my water bottle. Boone is sitting in the sand, staring into the ocean. I sit down beside him. "It's not your fault," I say in my most comforting voice. I'm really bad at this kind of stuff, but Boone is the only true friend I've made since the crash. "You should drink some water. You swallowed a lot of the ocean." He grabs the bottle from me, but doesn't drink any. I pull out the knife I got from Locke yesterday and start slicing up the guava. I offer him a piece, but he doesn't take it. Eventually though, he drinks the water, finishing the bottle.<p>

He sets the bottle down beside me, stands and says, "I'm gonna go grab a tee shirt," and walks off, leaving me with my guava.

Charlie is here and he asks "Is there any water in that?" he points to my bottle.

I grab it and shake. "Nope, all gone."

"Great," and he starts heading up the beach. I get up and follow him.

"What's up?"

"Umm, can you keep a secret?"

"Yeah, sure I guess."

He takes me over to Jack's infirmary. Behind it, Jack and Hurley are looking at a suitcase full of water bottles. "That's it?" Jack asks.

"That's it," confirms Charlie.

"Wait," I say. "This is all the water we have left at camp? How many bottles is that?"

Charlie answers with "Eighteen."

Hurley enters the conversation and says "People just kind of took what they needed because we were supposed to be rescued, but we weren't"

"Even if we divvied it up, split the bottles in half it wouldn't be enough for forty-seven people." Charlie says.

"Forty-six," Jack says solemnly. "There's forty-six of us now."

"People will freak out if they find out this is all we have left," I say.

"The boar's running low until we can catch another one," says Charlie. "What should we tell them?"

"I don't know," says Jack.

Hurley and Charlie follow Jack as he starts to walk away. Hurley makes suggestion on how to find water. Charlie asks what he should do with the remaining water. Jack just responds with, "I don't know."

"Don't tell the others we're running low," Charlie says. "That way you can ration it. Then you can decide what-," Jack cuts him off.

"I'm not deciding anything!" he says, frustrated, looking at something in the distance.

He's walking off and I can see Boone walking up to him. He look furious and I run over. "Why didn't you leave me? Hey, I'm talking to you." He yells at Jack.

"Not now, man," Jack says, trying to shove him off, still looking in the distance.

"I could have made it back," Boone says to him. "What? Not going to answer me? I told you to leave me!"

"You were drowning."

"You should've saved her."

"But I didn't save her," says Jack. "And neither did you." He starts walking out to where he's looking, but Boone follow him.

"You think you're all noble and heroic for coming after me?" Boone yells. "I was fine! You're not the only one who knows what to do around here, you know that? I run a business! Who appointed you our savior, huh? What gives you the right—look at me. Hey, I'm talking to you.

Jack starts running out into the jungle. Whatever he saw out there I didn't see, but Boone is pissed that Jack basically ignored him.

"What the hell was that?" I say.

"I don't know, he just ignored me!"

"No, I meant with you! You weren't fine, Boone. You almost drowned! You're lucky Jack was there!"

"Of course, you'd take his side!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Everyone knows you're Jack's little lapdog, doing whatever he tells you—," I slapped him across the face. I am not Jack's lapdog, and saying that was one step too far. He stands there, dumbfounded holding his cheek. I storm off back to my tent.

* * *

><p>I need to blow off some steam. Everybody has started to notice the lack of water. I grab a handful of rocks and start chucking them into the ocean. Stupid ocean. That woman must have gotten caught in a riptide. I throw another rock as hard as I can. A few minutes later Walt runs up to me, looking scared.<p>

"Hey, Tia! That pregnant lady fell down!"

He's pointing to Charlie and Michael carrying Claire, whose hand was being held by Kate. Her eyes were closed. I ran in their direction.

"What happened?" I ask when I reach them.

"She just dropped," said Charlie, who was in a panic.

"It must be the heat," Kate says.

"Is she breathing?" I ask.

"Yeah, I think," answers Michael.

"Come on. Let's get her inside," and I hold open the flap of the infirmary.

Charlie and Kate start prompting her to wake up. When she stirs I get down by her side.

"Claire, its Tia. We met the other day. Can you hear me?"

"What?" she stirs.

"You passed out. Just take it easy, okay?" I turn to Charlie. "She needs water."

He gets up and goes for the hidden suitcase.

"Claire, you're dehydrated. We're getting you some water. Don't worry its coming," I touch her stomach. I can feel the baby move, which is a good sign.

"What the—," Charlie exclaims. "The water's gone. Someone stole it."

* * *

><p>I'm with Kate, Sayid, and Locke on the beach. Kate and I filled the two men in on what happened. Kate trusts Sayid completely and Locke seems to be our best chance at finding fresh water in the jungle.<p>

"Where is the doctor?" Locke asks.

"I don't know," I say. "He ran into the jungle about an hour ago. No one can find him."

"Is this the last of the camp's water supply?" asks Sayid, referring to the missing bottles.

"Yeah," I answer.

"Keeping it all in one place, foolish," he criticizes.

"I can go into the jungle," Kate offers. "Try to find some fresh water."

"You're not going alone," Sayid says.

Locke cuts in, "When the others find out the water's gone it's going to get ugly. And when they find out that someone pinched it, it's going to get uglier. I'll go. Camp needs you three here, especially you, Tia, with the doctor gone. And besides, I know where to look."

Locke goes to get ready to leave. Sayid, Kate, and I stand there, silently agreeing with his plan. Just as we're about to disperse Hurley runs up to us.

"Uh, the Chinese people have water," he says, pointing back to camp with his thumb.

We follow Hurley to the couple. They're a husband and wife, and they're Korean, not Chinese. They don't speak English, but that doesn't stop Sayid from trying.

"Where did you get this?" he asks, pausing for the wife to answer. When she doesn't he repeats the question, "Where did you get this?" Impatient, he starts to yell "Where! Did! You!—,"

Kate cuts him off "She doesn't understand you."

"She understands me," he insists. "Did you steal this water?"

She answers in Korean but before she can finish her sentence, her husband is there. He starts yelling at her and Kate tries to calm him down.

"Just take it easy, alright. We just want to talk, alright? This had water in it. Is it yours? Who gave you this?"

The Korean man points up the beach. His finger targets Sawyer, who's sitting, smoking a cigarette. Kate makes a move to approach him but Sayid holds him back. So Sawyer stole the water. Fine, that makes sense. But I decide to let Kate and Sayid deal with it.

* * *

><p>An hour later. I decide to go check on Claire. Charlie gave her the last of the water earlier, but it wasn't a lot. As I make my way to the infirmary, I see Boone laying on the ground, his face in the sand with Charlie standing above him. I run up the hill.<p>

"Here's your thief," he says to me. I'm stunned. No words come out. Why would Boone take the water? Was he trying to stick it to Jack? He couldn't possibly be so stupid.

"Where'd he hide it?" Michael asks.

"I don't know," Charlie continues. "This wanker had three bottles on him. Why'd you do it, pretty boy, eh?"

Boone answers "It was just sitting in—it was just sitting in the tent, and Jack just took off."

"Claire could've died!" Charlie yells.

"I tried to give her some sooner, but it just got out of hand. No one would have understood."

"No, you're right," I say. "I don't understand."

"Someone had to take responsibility for it. It would have never lasted!" he says to me. "Please, Tia, you have to believe me. I was just trying to help!"

"Oh shut up!" Charlie says, and pushes him. Sayid steps in and holds him back. It's about to turn into a brawl, when…

"Leave him alone!" Everyone turns to the voice. It's Jack. He's pale and looks exhausted. "It's been six days," he continues. "And we're all still waiting. Waiting for someone to come. But what if they don't? We have to stop waiting. We need to start figuring things out. A woman died this morning just going for a swim and he tried to save her, and now you're about to crucify him? We can't do this. Everyman for himself is not going to work. It's time to start organizing. We need to figure out how we're going to survive here. Now, I found water. Fresh water, up in the valley. I'll take a group in at first light. If you don't want to go come then find another way to contribute. Last week most of us were strangers, but we're all here now. And god knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together, we're going to die alone."

Everyone calms down because they realize Jack's right. Everyone disperses as they hand out the last of the water Boone took and the few bottles Jack and Locke brought back with them. I walk over to Boone.

"Why'd you do it? Why'd you take the water?"

"Jack left. Without someone in charge I thought I could take what was left and try to give it out evenly without a fight breaking loose. But then Claire got sick and it all got out of hand. After that thing in the water this morning I just felt useless. I wanted to help,"

I understand what he's saying and what he wanted to do, despite his awful approach. I look at him and say, "I'm going to get some water," and I make my way over to Locke.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," he calls to me. I keep walking.

Dusk is falling as I grab my bottle share from Locke, who smiles as he hands it over. I look over my shoulder and see Boone, staring out into the ocean again. I walk back to him.

Just before I get there Sawyer walks up to him and asks "How does it feel?"

"How does what feel?"

"Taking my place at the top of everyone's Most Hated list? Sucks, don't it?" and he walks away.

I sit down next to Boone. "I don't hate you," I say. He grins and we share the last of my water as we watch the sun set.


	8. Day 7: Handcuffs in Heat

Early this morning Jack, Kate, Locke, and Charlie went out to get the fresh water Jack found yesterday. I've been spending my morning with Boone, which, unfortunately, also includes his step-sister, Shannon. She's not happy that I'm hanging around, but she mostly keeps to herself letting Boone and myself bicker playfully. At one point he gets up, leaving me alone with Shannon for the first time ever.

"You're not his type," she says to me when he's out of earshot.

"What?"

"You're not his type. He likes playing the hero. Eventually he'll want to save you from something and try to solve all of your problems. Trust me, he's not your type."

"What makes you think I have any interest in being his type?" her condescending tone is really annoying. I haven't spent any time with her since the hike up the mountain our second day here. I was beginning to forget how annoying she is.

"Listen," she turns to me. "I don't want to make any assumptions, but you're this cute, strong, Army girl who could probably put a cast on her own leg if she broke it. But every person needs someone to make them feel safe, including you. And Boone can't make you feel safe. He's not strong enough."

I think about that. I appreciate her complement and I'm pleasantly surprised by it, but I don't think what she said about Boone isn't true. The day of the crash, he was running around trying to save the life of a stranger. Yesterday he almost drowned trying to save another. What she's saying about him playing hero is absolutely true, but the bit about him not being strong enough for me, I have to disagree. It doesn't even matter, anyway, but before I can answer I hear Boone yell, "Tia, get over here! It's another fight!" Shannon and I get to our feet and run over across the wreckage.

We reach the scene of the fight and the Korean man, whose name I've learned is Jin from the flight's manifest, is trying to drown Michael in the shoreline while throwing in punches. Jin's wife, Sun is yelling at him in Korean, tears running down her face. Walt is there yelling "Do something! He's going to kill him! Stop him, please!" But Jin won't stop.

Sayid and Sawyer come running from behind the crowd. Sayid tackles Jin into the water while Sawyer helps Michael stand. Sayid tries to restrain Jin, who appears to be really strong as he attempts to fight his way out of Sayid's grip.

"The handcuffs!" Sayid says to Sawyer with difficulty. "From the sky marshal! Now!" They're in Sawyer's hand and the two work to secure Jin to a very large piece of wreckage. They manage to secure his wrist to the wreckage. I run over to Michael to see if he's okay. Jin struggles against the handcuffs, but it's useless. He's chained. Sayid begins to question Sun and I check on Michael. He's a little scraped up, but he's mostly fine.

Sayid moves to question Michael. "What happened?"

"I was just walking the beach with my son, and all of the sudden this dude is all up on me. I didn't do anything!"

Jin says something to Michael with a hateful look in his eye.

"Surely there must be something you're not telling us," Sayid says.

"Surely? Where you from man?"

"Tikrit. Iraq,"

"Okay. I don't know how it is in Iraq, but in the United States of America where I'm from, Korean people don't like black people. Did you know that? So maybe you ought to talk to him!"

Sun points at her wrist, trying to communicate with Sayid.

"The cuffs stay on!" he asserts.

"A little louder, Omar. Maybe then she'll understand you," says Sawyer sarcastically.

I decide to voice my concern. "How long are you going to keep him tied down like that?" I ask.

Sayid answers, "He tried to kill Michael. We all saw it. The cuffs stay on until we know why."

"So we're just going to keep him in the sun, handcuffed to hot metal while our water supply is being hiked from somewhere in the jungle?"

"If we let him go, he might attack again. We leave him there," It makes sense, but it's not very humane.

Everyone leaves and Jin and Sun sit where they've trapped Jin directly in the sunlight.

* * *

><p>Jack and Kate show up a few hours later with bottles of water for everyone. As Jack hands me my bottles he asks, "Can we talk?" I can't imagine what he wants to talk about, but I agree and we sit down while I gulp my water.<p>

"What's up?

"The place where I found this water? It's surrounded by these caves. They'd make great shelter. I'm trying to convince everyone to move camp there."

This doesn't make any sense to me. "Why would you do that? Shouldn't we keep the signal fire going? Stay on the beach to watch for planes and ships?"

"Tia, we've been here a week and I haven't seen one of those. As much as I want it to happen, the odds aren't in our favor. Aren't you the one who's always talking of survival and using our resources to our advantage? The caves have the best resources on the island."

He makes a point, but our best chance of survival is here on the beach. I sit there twisting and untwisting the cap of my bottle. Jack stands up and parts with "I'm moving the infirmary to the caves with me. Just think about it."

I think about it for a long time and I decide to stay on the beach for the time being. Jack can stay at the caves, and I'll stay here, leaving a medic with each group.

* * *

><p>In the end, not many go with Jack to the caves. A few people I haven't met yet, Hurley, Sun, and Jin (who was released from his handcuffs by Michael. I assume they made amends.), with Locke and Charlie already there, scavenging the wreckage that they found.<p>

I sit by the fire next to Shannon, who is not as bitter towards me as she was this morning for some reason. It glows bright in the night sky. How can no one have found us yet?


	9. Day 8: Detox

"Here's a basic supply," Jack says, handing me a suitcase with a bit of bandages, drugs, and rubbing alcohol inside. He's taking most of the medical supplies with him to the caves.

"Why didn't you leave them at the tent?"

"Sawyer's decided to take it over as his new shelter."

I roll my eyes. I've decided to help Jack move everything to the caves this morning to check them out for myself. I probably would have moved there, but since the majority of the camp is staying on the beach, I figured it was best for one of us to stay here, and it's definitely not going to be Jack. "I'm leaving in ten minutes," he says to me. "Be ready by then," and he walks away.

I hide the medical supplies under my bed, hoping Sawyer doesn't stop by to steal them when I'm gone. I walk, with my pack, over to Boone and Shannon, who are sitting by their tent.

"Hey," I greet. "I'm going to the caves with Jack this morning to check them out. Jack gave me some of the medical supplies and I hid them under my tent. Think you could make sure Sawyer doesn't try to get his hands on them?"

"Yeah, no problem," says Boone.

"Want me to fill up your water bottles while I'm there?" I offer. He agrees and grabs four from the tent. "What are you up to today?"

"Sayid made this thing," Boone says. "He's gonna try and triangulate the French transmission. I'm helping out."

"Well, have fun. I'll see you tonight, I guess."

* * *

><p>About fifteen minutes later, Jack and I arrive at the caves. It's cool and damp, but the fresh water is nice and clear. I drop the suitcase I'm carrying and run over to fill my bottle, which ran out last night. People have already started making shelters, but no one has entered the caves yet. I see Charlie sitting by himself. He's found a guitar! It's been ages since I've played a guitar, but his fingers struggle to form a single note. He's shaking all over and sweating profusely, even though it's quite cool here at the caves. I can see his eyes are bloodshot and watery. I can tell what's wrong immediately. Drug withdraw. I'm not sure from what drug, but he's definitely in the early stages of detox.<p>

I finish filling my bottle and return to Jack. Hurley is there, taking one of the two suitcases Jack brought. "Dude, what's in these things, cinder blocks?" he asks?

"I packed everything I thought might be useful here without leaving the others shorthanded," Jack asks. I grab my suitcase and follow them to the edge of a cave.

Charlie comes up and grabs the third suitcase Jack and I brought. "Hey, you guys need a hand?" he asks. "I used to load the band's equipment, before we had roadies, way back in the day. Here let me." As he pick up the suitcase, Jack starts to protest, "Charlie, the zipper's broken!" But it's too late and everything spills out of the suitcase, making a mess.

Charlie apologizes, "Sorry, just trying to help," he's still shaking and sweating. I know the signs of withdrawal. My brother was a cocaine addict.

"I know, I know, it's okay," Jack reassures him, even though he's irritated. We exchange a look, and I can tell Jack is aware of Charlie's withdrawal as well. He says to Hurley, "Hey, want to help me grab the rest of those bags?"

"Oh, could I?" he says sarcastically. I grab my bag and follow them and drop it where Jack indicates. I go back for the bag Charlie broke, and he's there, sifting through the medication bottles.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Oh, uh, I have a headache," he lies.

I grab the bottle he was trying to open. "Diazepam?" I ask. "That's for anxiety."

"I was looking for aspirin," he insists.

"That's pretty strong stuff for a headache," he's just making this harder on himself. I decide not so say anything and save him the embarrassment. "Are you sure you're okay?" I ask, trying to be nonchalant.

"Yeah, it's nothing, it's just a headache," he insists. He starts to pick up the medications he spilled from the suitcase, but he's sweating so much, I'm worried he's dehydrated.

"Charlie, leave it," I say. "Go get some water. Take care of yourself. We don't need you right now," but that was the wrong thing to say. He goes back to his guitar and attempts to pluck the strings again with his shaking hands. Poor guy.

* * *

><p>A little while later, Jack and I are sorting through the meds and supplies, making sure he didn't take too much. Since I'm most experienced with hard trauma cases, Jack has taken most of the drugs, while I've taken a lot of the painkillers and bandages. We've agreed the fifteen minute walk is a short enough distance, that if anything small happens I'll be able to get the person to him quickly. If it's something bad, I can treat it fast, before we transport them here. The more I learn about Jack and how he works, the more I feel comfortable partnering with him, and these feelings seem to be reciprocated. We're both glad we're not the only medics in the group.<p>

Charlie has left his spot and his guitar is sitting right where Jack wants to set up his infirmary. "Hey, Hurley," he asks. "Can you bring that guitar to Charlie? It's kind of in the way."

Hurley goes to grab the guitar and disappears behind the rocks. Jack gets up to go deeper into the cave and Charlie storms out from behind the rocks and follows Jack into the cave. "You know? A lot of people look up to me," he shouts. "They respect me. And you, you just treat me like I'm some bloody child! Like I'm some useless joke!"

"What are you talking about?" Jack asks.

"Charlie's not good enough to do this, Charlie's just in the way. Put Charlie onto that."

"Sit down. Let me take a look at you man," Jack insists.

"Oh, you're going to look out for me, yeah?! We'll look out for each other, that's how it is?! I'm not interested!"

"Charlie, just calm down, alright," Jack is worried now. "You're not yourself."

"You don't know me!" Charlie shouts. "I'm a bloody rock god!"

I'm at the edge of the cave when I hear the rocks start to fall. I barely get out of the way before a huge collapse happens and dust encases the entire scene. I panic, waiting for it to clear, trying to see through it. I see a figure coming out of the dust. It's Charlie. Only Charlie. "Where's Jack?" I ask. "Charlie, where's Jack?"

He coughs. Not able to get the words out he points to the cave behind him where the entrance is completely blocked by large, heavy rocks. Jack is trapped inside.

* * *

><p>Everyone is in a panic. Jack has become our de facto leader, and now he's trapped inside a cave. We don't even know if he's alive. Sun comes over and helps me stand and Hurley makes his way to the rocks. "Jack," he yells. "Jack can you hear me?" There's no response.<p>

Charlie stands between Hurley and I saying, "I don't know what happened. We were just talking and it - and it came down on us - all happened so fast."

"Dude," Hurley says, turning around. "We gotta get help. Charlie, go down to the beach and get help."

Charlie makes a break for it yelling as he starts to run, "Okay, I'm on it."

Hurley yells to him as he runs "And make sure you tell Kate!"

"What should we do?" He asks me. I honestly have no idea. I know nothing about caves and I don't want to make the situation worse. For some reason everyone is looking at me, worried looks on their faces, waiting for instruction. I wonder if this is how Jack feels every time he's faced with a problem from these people. If he's alive, I swear I will never judge him again for not taking his position seriously.

I look out into the small crowd. Most of us are still on the beach. "Does anyone ever hike in caves? Is it safe to move the rocks?" I ask. There is no response. Hell, two of these people don't speak English! I'm clueless at what to do while we wait for help. I don't even know if Jack is alive! I am normally really good under pressure, but I don't know anything about caves. I think moving the rocks off of the top of the pile makes sense, but I don't want to make the situation worse. "Okay," I say. "We're going to wait for Charlie to get back from the beach. Maybe someone there will know what to do." Some people nod in agreement, some anxiously look at the rocks. The Koreans look clueless. Everyone disperses in a nervous fashion.

When the cave-in happened I landed on my bad shoulder. With the adrenaline rush, I didn't feel the pain at first, but now that I've calmed down, it's killing me. I walk over to the unfinished infirmary. There's the aspirin Charlie was looking for. I take one and I sneak half of a Diazepam to calm my nerves.

* * *

><p>By the time Charlie returns with help, the drugs have kicked in. My heartbeat is calm and the pain almost completely left my shoulder. He brought Michael and Boone, followed by Walt and Vincent the dog. Sun and Jin had started moving rocks out of the way and Michael runs up and says "Wait. Hey wait."<p>

"Jack's in there." Hurley informs him.

"Let me check it out before you start moving things around. If it's unstable...,"

"Well, how do you know—,"

"Eight years of construction work." He starts to examine the rocks and turns to his son. "Hey Walt, get back, man, I don't want you near the rocks, okay, and take the dog with you."

"You guys need Mr. Locke," he says, backing up with Vincent on his leash.

"Locke's out in the jungle killing stuff," says Hurley. "Who knows where he is."

Michael pokes around at the covered entrance to the cave. He touches the middle of the pile. "Alright," he says. "This area here is load-bearing. We've got to dig where there's no danger of the wall buckling in on itself." He moves to another section. "Here, we dig in here so the wall doesn't collapse. Four at a time, by hand, until we can find some kind of shovel. We take shifts, and go slow. Whoever isn't digging should be clearing the rocks that we clear out and bring the water to whoever is working, okay? Let's move."

I'm so glad he's here. It takes the pressure off of me. Since the aspirin is helping with my shoulder I take the first shift of moving rocks before it wears off. I work with Hurley, Michael, Jin, and Boone. We work slow, but steady. After about twenty minutes we break through.

"Hey, we're through, we got a hole!" Michael exclaims from the front.

Hurley is there immediately. "Jack? Jack? Can you hear me, Jack? Come on dude, answer me!"

Through the hole we hear a moan.

"I hear him!" Hurley says.

Boone turns to the others to tell them he's alive and they all sigh with relief.

"Jack, are you okay?" I ask through our small gap.

He yells from inside "I'm pinned. I can't move."

Hurley turns to Michael "What do we do? How do we get him out?"

"Charlie was with me," Jack yells.

"He's okay," I tell him. "He made it out."

"Hey listen, Jack, we're going to get you out of there, okay?" Michael tells him. Jack only coughs.

We work at the hole a bit more and get it slightly bigger, but soon Michael stops. "Okay, we can't safely make that tunnel any bigger, but since Jack can't get out, one of us is going to have to go in and un-pin him," he says.

"What, crawl through that?" Hurley asks.

"I think we need someone smaller," says Boone. I notice he's avoiding my gaze.

Jin suggests something, but Hurley cuts him off. "Dude, we don't understand Chinese."

"Korean, man," Michael says. He exchanges a look with Sun. "They're Korean." Huh. I wonder what's going on there.

Just before I volunteer someone says "I'll do it."

"Charlie?" Hurley asks, surprised. He's there, slightly breathless.

"No," I say, worried about his detox, though I've noticed his hands have stopped shaking. I cover by saying "You're still too shook up from earlier."

"I might be able to squeeze through," Michael says, inspecting the tiny hole again.

"Hey," Charlie protests. "Who's going to take care of your son if something happens? She's got a husband, he's got a sister, and she's the only one who can take care of the infirmary if something happens to Jack." He says pointing to Sun, Boone, and then me. "I'm alone here, no one on the Island. Let me do this." I notice the fogginess from his eyes is clearing. I suspect it's just adrenaline, but I feel this is something he has to do.

We concede. I run to my pack and grab him my small flashlight. Michael instructs him "Listen, man, go slow. Try not to nudge any of the rocks around you."

"Anything else?" Charlie asks. He's determined, most traces of his detox escaping him.

"Yeah, good luck," Michael says, patting him on the back.

Boon hand him a water bottle. "Be safe, man."

I hand him the flashlight with an encouraging smile. Hurley wishes him luck.

"Alright, thanks guys," he says. And Michael and Boone lift him into the hole.

His feet clear the edge and he slides his slim figure through the space, slowly. Soon enough, though the rocks above him start shifting. There's enough tie for Michael to yell "Charlie? Charlie move! Charlie?"

Charlie picks up his speed and we see him slither a foot more before the hole collapses. Hurley tries to shout to Charlie but there's no response. "I say we try again," he says. "If we don't move, they're going to run out of air."

"Would you stop talking, I'm trying to think," says Michael, trying to stay calm.

Someone is running out of the jungle. "Where is he?"

"Kate," Michael acknowledges, surprised.

"Where is he? Where's Jack?"

We don't know what to tell her. She looks terrified and I think about how Jack knows her secret; that she was the prisoner on the plane. Other than Sayid, I think Jack is the only person on the island she feels comfortable with. I put myself in her position and imagine Boone inside the cave and the thought makes me nauseous.

Hurley nods at the pile of rocks. "He's in there."

"Does anyone know if he's alive? Is he alive?" she says desperately.

"We don't know," I say. "Charlie went in there through a tunnel that we dug, but it collapsed."

She looks at us with a shocked expression on her face. "Why is nobody digging?" she says before making her way to the cave-in and grabbing the biggest rocks she can carry. We follow her, creating an assembly line to get the rocks away. This time, Michael doesn't worry about safety.

* * *

><p>After about fifteen minutes I get out of line, grab a water bottle and walk up to Kate. "You need to take a break," I say to her.<p>

"I'm fine," she insists.

"Kate, we've got enough people to dig. If you keep going at this pace you're going to kill yourself." I offer her the water bottle, but she ignores me and keeps digging.

I take a swig of water and as I make my way back in line I hear Walt yell "Hey, it's the doctor!"

The line all turns around and Jack and Charlie are here, safe and sound. We all let out sighs of relief as Kate runs to Jack and embraces him in a hug. "Ow, easy, my shoulder, careful," he tells her, but he's smiling.

"How'd you get out?" Hurley asks him.

"Charlie, Charlie found a way out."

I put my arm over Charlie's shoulder and give him a side hug. It's the same way I always hugged my older brother back home. "Dude, you rock," Hurley tells him, and I laugh out loud.

After that is a miniature celebration. Jack takes Charlie aside and tells everyone he has the flu. I pack up my things to make my way back to the beach with Boone and Kate, but before I leave, Jack comes up to me, wearing a ripped tee shirt as a sling on his arm. "Charlie knows that you know. About his drug use."

"He has all the signs," I say with remorse. "I'll keep it a secret don't worry."

He thanks me and Boone walks up. "Ready to go?"


	10. Day 9: Watership Down

I look out into the ocean and I think about home, the house I grew up in. My mom would love it here. I don't think she'd mind if she were stranded here, even. She loved being out in nature. There's this guy who has a tent at the edge of the beach. I haven't talked to him much because he's kind of grumpy, but he collects bugs of all kinds in empty jars and water bottles. He and my mom would get along great. She could sit for hours and talk about animals of all kinds. Bugs, rodents, fish, you name it. She loved them all. I contemplate jumping into the cool, salty water but before I can really consider it, I hear my name being called from the campsite.

"Tia! Tia, I need you now!" It's Shannon and there's a panic in her voice. It must be bad if she's asking for my help. I run barefoot up the beach and to her tent.

Boone is sitting there and his face is completely bashed. He's bleeding from several deep cuts on his face. I reach for a water bottle and put it to his mouth, tilting it for him to drink. I think back to my supply kit, and I don't have enough to clean him up. There's so much blood covering his face, and I can't tell if he needs stitches. I hand Shannon the water and walk to my tent. As I put on socks and then my boots I tell her "We need to get him to the caves, fast. I don't have enough stuff here." She stands him up and I run to his side. Together, we help carry him into the jungle.

* * *

><p>It's a fifteen minute walk, but we move fast and make it there in about ten. Boone could probably walk on his own, but he's lost blood and he seems dizzy. We break the tree line and Shannon shouts "We need some help over here!"<p>

Jack is sitting by his infirmary holding gauze to Sayid's head. He jumps up, gauze and alcohol in hand. We set Boone down. "What happened?" Jack demands.

Boone raises his head with difficulty and says "Sawyer."

Jack starts dabbing at his head, but Boone protests. "Jack, its fine. It's just a scrape."

"Yeah, lots of scrapes today. I'm running out of peroxide."

"Me too. That's why I brought him here," I say.

"He just jumped me, man," Boone says to Jack. I notice he won't look at me.

"Why?"

"Shannon has asthma."

"Asthma?"

"I've never seen her have an attack before," I say. I look over at her. She is very winded from our trek tough the woods.

"Because she had an inhaler. She's sneaks hits when no one's looking. She's been embarrassed about it since she was a little kid. I guess breathing's not cool."

Jack tilts his head up. "Had an inhaler?"

"It ran out a couple of days ago. But I had four refills which should have been enough for a couple of months. But she always forgets her medication so I put it my suitcase. Today I see that jackass reading _Watership Down_…"

"You're losing me," Jack says.

"It was in my bags, the stuff that I checked. If he has my book he has my luggage, if he has the luggage he has the inhalers. Her breathing got really rough today, man. If she has an attack, it's not going to be good."

Jack finishes on Boone and stands. He's fuming. Without grabbing anything he exits the caves, toward the beach. I look at Boone. "Are you okay?" I ask. But he ignores me and walks over to Shannon, who is still breathing heavily. It irks me that he's ignoring me and I decide two can play at that game. I walk over to the medical supplies. Sayid is still sitting there, holding the cloth to the back of his head. I realize he never came back from his mission yesterday to triangulate the French woman's signal. "What happened to you?" I ask.

"Isn't it obvious," he sounds irritated.

"No."

He sighs and begins to explain. "Yesterday I attempted to locate the French woman's distress signal in the jungle. Boone let off his signal from the beach and Sawyer let of his from the jungle. I started to get a signal, but I was hit from behind."

"Is the equipment okay?" I ask.

"No, it was destroyed."

"Who would do that? That could have gotten us another step closer to rescue."

"Your guess is as good as mine." He stands and gets his footing, making his way back into the jungle.

I fill up my water and grab a half-full bottle of peroxide. With Sawyer on the beach, I don't want to be short-handed again. I make my way back to the beach. When I get there I notice Kate and Jack arguing by Kate's tent. As I approach I hear Jack say "I'm gonna kill him."

"That's not going to help us get the medicine," she says.

"Maybe not, but it'll feel good."

"So what's stopping you?"

"We're not savages, Kate. Not yet."

"Let me talk to Sawyer," she insists.

"What makes you think he's going to listen to you?"

"He says we have a connection."

Jack is surprised. "Do you?"

"Please," she says sarcastically, walking off.

Jack sees me walking in his direction. "How's Boone?" he asks.

"Oh, you know. Fussing over Shannon as usual," I say, trying not to make it sound like a complaint.

"How's her breathing?"

"Rough and heavy, but she'll be fine for I little while."

Jack notices the bottle of peroxide in my hand. "What's that for?" he asks.

"Just in case. I left you with three full ones, don't worry," I reassure him.

He nods, his face calming down and his breathing getting more regular. "I'm heading back to the caves," he says.

"I'll be right behind you. I'm gonna put this up." I jog over to my tent and lift the plank of metal that my cushions sit on top of. Underneath I've dug a hole to keep the small amount of supplies I have from Jack. I set the peroxide down and cover it back up. I fill my back pack with empty Oceanic bottles and run to catch up with Jack.

When we make it back to the caves, Shannon is worse. Boone is by her side, coaxing her to calm down. "Just try to breathe," he tells her. "Breathe. Come on, Shan. Work with me."

I notice Sawyer over by the waterfall, filling bottles. Jack storms over to him. "Give me the inhalers," he demands. "Now!"

"Hell, I wondered when you were going to stop asking nice," Sawyer says. Jack loses it. He punches Sawyer right in the face. Sawyer stumbles to regain his footing. When he comes back up, his lip is bleeding. "Well, it's about time, cowboy," he says. "Been telling you since day one, we're in the wild. Didn't think you had it in you." Jack punches him again, this time harder. Sawyer comes back up. "That all you got?" he teases.

Jack looks around the caves. Everyone is staring at him. He shakes his head and walks away.


	11. Day 10: Nurse Rachet

I'm still avoiding Boone because he's being an ass, but I haven't left the caves in case something happens to Shannon. It's a good thing too because eventually she slips into an attack. "Help, she's not breathing! The attacks are getting worse," Boone yells. Jack and I both make a bee line for her, but I get their first, putting myself at her level. I'm determined to help her, because she's been really annoyed with me lately. Maybe saving her from exphisiation will get her on my side.

"Shannon, you need to calm down," I tell her. "This isn't just an attack, its anxiety. You're worried you don't have your inhaler and you're panicking."

"No," she tries to insist.

"Yes," I tell her. "You can fight this, Shannon. You're stronger than it. You just need to breath."

Boone is still there. "She needs her inhaler," he insists.

He's pissing me off. "Get lost!" I say to him. I turn back to Shannon. "Breathe in through your nose, slowly. You can do this Shannon. You can do it. In through the nose." She starts to regain her breath. "There you go. It's passing. You just need to keep breathing in through the nose. You're doing a great job."

I stand up and give her some space. I notice how Boone is looking at her. I have two brothers, and they never looked at me like that. I remember that Shannon is only Boone's step-sister. His affection for her is deeper than a sibling love, and I understand now. I grab Boone and pull him aside. "Keep her relaxed. Do not let her panic," I say to him.

"Yeah, yeah," he agrees, his eyes never leaving her.

"Wow, dude," Hurley says to me. "That was awesome. I mean, that was like a– Jedi moment."

I notice Jack walk off into the jungle with Sayid on his tail. I follow.

"Jack, what will happen if she doesn't get the medicine?" Sayid asks. Jack nods his head solemnly. "Then we have to make Sawyer give it to us."

"Yeah, that's what I'm going to do."

"No, not you, me. I served five years in the Republican Guard."

"I knew it!" I say, and they finally notice my presence. Sayid looks worried. "What?" I ask him. "Did you not think I would find out eventually?"

"I didn't want you to know," he says.

"Why? Because I was in the US Military? I served in Afghanistan, not Iraq," I remind him. "I've got nothing personal against the Republican Guard."

Jack looks at me, hesitant to continue the conversation. I don't break his gaze, challenging him. He turns back to Sayid. "I thought you were a communications officer?"

"Part of my training entailed getting the enemy to communicate." Ah, I understand now. He didn't want me to know because he was a torturer. "Just give me ten minutes with him. He'll give us the medicine." He looks between me and Jack. Neither of us respond. "Is that a yes?" he prompts us.

Without looking at me, Jack says "Yes."

* * *

><p>Jack and Sayid don't want me to come, but I insist. "I doubt you've ever treated someone who's suffered from interrogation," I say to Jack. "I have."<p>

Sayid is hesitant. "Yes, but have you ever seen it done?" he counters.

"No," I admit. "But I won't watch. I'll stay out of the clearing."

"You'll hear him scream," Sayid says with a glare in his eye. "I won't let you stop me."

I stare him down. "Trust me. I won't try."

That's enough for him. They pick a spot in the jungle, far enough away where they hope no one will hear us. I walk a distance in the jungle and sit down with my back against a tree and they leave to grab Sawyer.

* * *

><p>From my spot I hear the dragging of Sawyer's body as they take it back to the small clearing. It takes a few minutes, but then it happens. His screams of pain are terrible. I don't know what Sayid is doing to him, but it's really bad.<p>

I think of the events that have transpired today to distract myself. I wonder why I'm letting this happen. A part of me feels like Sawyer deserves it. He's a thief and a looter. He doesn't take his fair share. But despite this, does anyone really deserve to feel this way? To have this much pain inflicted on them by another human being?

Maybe I agreed to this because I was jealous. Jealous of the way Boone looks at Shannon. I've never been good at romance. I think of Gibbs and the way his face was set before he died. I never fell in love with Gibbs. It just happened. And as soon as it happened, it was taken away.

I think about my greatest loves. My mother, who's life ended much too soon. My older brother Donny, who was taken to a rehab facility three months before I left for Afghanistan. My younger brother Gil, who ran away from my father all the way to Ghana in the Peace Corps. It's been two and a half years since I've seen him. Gran, who my father shipped away to Australia because he didn't want to deal with her.

Over the screaming I hear Jack's voice yelling out Sayid's name and it stops. Now it's too quiet. There's rustling by the trees and Sayid is there. He looks awful. As bad as I feel for Sawyer, I feel worse for Sayid when I see his face. This isn't something he enjoys and that's clear.

I stand and close the gap between us. "Did you get it?"

"No," he says. "We negotiated. He'll only give it to Kate."

He sounds so pained. I grab his hand and he's shocked at first, but then he grasps back. We hear what I presume is Jack leading Kate to Sawyer and a few seconds later Jack is with us. He looks nauseous and I can't imagine what he must be feeling right now. Does he regret this decision?

We wait in silence for what seems like hours. What is Kate doing? Then we hear a smack and a grunt and we bolt into the clearing. This time, I follow. Kate is furious as she looks at us and says "He doesn't have it."

I look at Sawyer. There's blood on his face, but not much. Whatever Sayid did to him, it's not visible from the front.

"He's lying," Sayid says. "Can't you see that? He's been lying from the beginning. He doesn't want us to get off this Island. That's why he attacked me."

"Hold on a minute," Jack says to him.

"He destroyed the transceiver!"

"You don't know that," I say to him.

Sawyer speaks up. "Don't tell me Nurse Ratchet's in on this too." Sayid runs at Sawyer. Jack, Kate, and I all protest, but he lunges. Somehow, Sawyer got loose of his binds and collides with Sayid. The two struggle on the ground, but when Sayid gets on top, he pulls a knife out of his pocket and stabs Sawyer in the bicep. Sayid stands up quickly, his arms held out in front of him. Jack is over Sawyer and I'm ripping off my over-shirt. I get down beside Jack who has the handle of the knife gripped in his hand. I'm ready with the shirt and Jack pulls out the knife. Blood squirts out from Sawyer's arm covering the front of my lavender tank top. I cover his arm with the shirt and let Jack take over.

"You hit an artery," he says, struggling with his grip. "Keep still damn it," he says to Sawyer, who's trying to get his arm out of Jack's hands. "Sayid, I need my stuff from the caves, my leather backpack." But Sayid just stands there in total shock of what he's done. "Tia, you take care of it, go!" he says to me, and I'm on my feet, running as fast as I can back to the caves.

* * *

><p>Boone notices me when I come running through the trees. He runs up in front of me. "Whose blood is that?" he demands, looking at my tank top. I scoot around him, looking for the right bag. There it is. I grab it and start heading back to the trees. "Whose blood is that?" He asks again.<p>

"Sawyer."

This angers Boone. "You went after Sawyer and you didn't even tell me? She's my sister."

Could he be any more irritating right now? "That's exactly why I didn't tell you," I say.

From her cot, Shannon says "Boone, don't leave me alone, okay?"

He looks at me, conflicted. "You sister needs you right now." I make the decision for him. He nods and goes back to her side.

"I'm not going anywhere, okay?" he says to her. Now that that's settled I haul ass back to the clearing.

* * *

><p>Jack fixed him up. I'm not sure how, but he did it. Sawyer is lucky to be alive after that. Boone and Shannon decide to stay at the caves tonight with Jack and I have no protest. When I get back to the beach the sun is setting. I walk into my tent and change out of the bloody shirt. When I come out, Sayid is outside my tent. He has a large pack on his back.<p>

"Hi," I say.

He doesn't hesitate. "I'm leaving camp."

"Why?" I ask. But I already know the answer.

"I almost killed a man today. And it wouldn't have been my first kill. Doing this was something I swore I would never do again." He pauses, then continues. "I want to thank you for your understanding. For not judging me based on prior experience with my culture."

"I'm not that kind of person," I say.

"And that is why you're better than me." He walks away without another word and meets Kate at the shore of the ocean. I watch as they exchange words and he kisses her hand. He walks off and I'm grateful Kate doesn't stop him. I know how he feels.


	12. Flashback 2: The Cursed Shoulder

July 2003. San Antonio, Texas.

I aimed the gun. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Four pulls of the trigger. I flicked the button of the pulley system and the target zoomed back to me. Two shots right through the chest, two right through the head. Both were dead center.

My sergeant came up behind me and clapped me on the back. "Pretty damn good, Samuels," he said before moving on to the lane next to mine. This was my last day in Advanced Individual Training. The next day I became a 91-Bravo medic. I had one week before I was shipped out to Afghanistan.

* * *

><p>August 2003. Sacramento, California. Four days later.<p>

The foyer of my father's house was cold. It screamed "Unwelcome" in my face, but I was determined to prove to him that I was a better person. More challenged, more grateful, and more honorable. I wore my full uniform, the name Samuels printed across my left breast. His name. My name. I walked down the hallway, my shined black shoes clicking on the polished hardwood floor.

He was sitting in his favorite chair, the papers of a case file in one hand, a scotch in the other. Neither suggested he was in a good mood. I cleared my throat. He turned in his seat.

"My god," he said, looking me up and down, his piercing eyes that challenge my confidence to melt like ice inside of me. "Is that really you, Tia? You look so different. So grown up."

I felt grown up. I felt taller, even though his height towered above mine. I was out of his clutch for the first time in my life. I was getting away. "I'm leaving in three days," I said to him. This is how it is with us. No greeting, no embrace. Not since Mom had died. "I came to say goodbye," I said.

He put his scotch hand on my shoulder. "You sound like you'll never see me again," he said.

"Do you want to see me again, Dad?"

And with his scotch hand still on my shoulder he said "I do, but I don't think I will. I think you'll disappear like your brothers. You'll die like your mother did, far away from me in service of some 'greater good' that doesn't exist."

I yanked my shoulder out of him grip. "At least I'll die in peace knowing I did one last thing to piss you off."

I walked out of that cold, unwelcoming house for the last time that day.


	13. Day 12: Good Points

It's been two days since Sayid left. I'm conflicted about what I allowed to go down with Sawyer in the jungle. It was wrong, and Sayid was right about me. I'd never witnessed a torture, never stood by as an idol watcher. At the same time, Sawyer needed to be taught a lesson. But then, he never had the inhaler, so why did he lie about it? What if he had denied it? Would it never have happened in the first place?

As I contemplate this, who should approach my tent this morning, but Sawyer. "Well, well," he says, sitting down beside me. "Is little Brown Eyes getting herself some good night's sleep after she let the redneck get tortured by the terrorist?"

"He's not a terrorist," I say.

"If you say so, Commander," and he fake salutes me. "Anyway, I need you to change my bandages."

"Where's Jack? He said he would do it?"

"I guess I put my toe over the line just one time too many." He reaches into his pocket and grabs the bandages. "Would you do me honor, oh server of our great country?"

He's trying to guilt trip me. The way I see it, I'm stuck on an island with limited resources, and a pain in the ass hillbilly. Integrity of America doesn't exist out here. Now that he's in front of me, that smirk contorting his handsome face, the regret I feel for him disappears. "Not in a million years, Sawyer," I say.

He stands up, his face murderous. "Fine, you don't feel bad about me, I get it. But what about your friend Abdul? He would still be here, safe and sound, if it wasn't for you and Doctor God Almighty."

He has a point, and it churns my stomach. "Go away, Sawyer," I say.

He grins with an evil delight. "That's what I thought." He walks away.


	14. Day 13: Mulligan

I'm almost to the caves, coming to refill my water bottles and check in with everyone. Mostly, I just need a break from the beach. I need some shade. Some cover.

I grab a thin, long branch out of the way as I break the tree line. I run into Hurley, who's in a rush and almost charges over me. "Sorry, Tia," he says before he spots my stick. "Oh, dude! Can I borrow this?"

I'm confused. "What?" I ask.

"Thanks, dude!" Hurley says, yanking it from my hands.

Jack calls from the opening of the infirmary cave "Hurley, what are you doing?"

But he just looks at us and laughs.

I walk to the spring and fill up my bottles. Jack is running around doing God knows what. I spot Michael sitting on a rock with a sketchbook. I walk over, taking a swig of my water. "What are you working on there?" I ask.

"You'll see in a minute, when I'm done." Walt was sitting beside him, looking restless. He and I played ball with Vincent for about half an hour, when Michael announced he was done with his sketch. He had drawn up building plans for the caves, attempting to make them more livable.

"See, this junction here?" he says, pointing at a small waterfall. "Re-route some of the spring's water flow into a couple of suspended basins, pop in some hose, you got showers. This way you keep the drinking water separate."

Jack and I were both impressed. I grab the sketchbook. "You drew this?" I ask.

"I was an artist in a previous life," he answers.

"I thought you were in construction," says Jack.

"I am. I mean, I was - long story."

We're all looking at the spring, making sure it's possible when Charlie walks up to us.

"Hey, Jack," he says. "Hurley's all worked up about something, said we should come see it."

Michael asks Claire to watch Walt and then he, Jack, and I follow Charlie out of the caves and up an incline. We end up in a large, open plateau on top of one of the mountains. You can see for miles. It's an incredible view. Hurley is standing in the middle of the field next to a bag of golf clubs, holding the branch he took from me earlier, but now there's a red Hawaiian shirt tied to the top.

"Welcome," he says. "To the first, and hopefully last, Island Open."

We're all confused. "What?" Jack asks.

"Its two holes for now, 3 three par, and no waiting." He gestures out to the entire plateau.

"Hurley, you built a golf course?" Jack says.

"Rich idiots fly to tropical islands all the time to whack balls around."

"All the stuff we've got to deal with, man," Michael says, unapprovingly. "This is what you've been wasting your time on?"

"Dudes, listen," he says. "Our lives suck. Everyone's nerves are stretched to the max. I mean, we're lost on an Island, running from boars and monsters - freakin' polar bears!"

"Polar bears?" says Michael.

"You didn't hear about the polar bear?" I say to him.

Hurley continues "Look, all I'm saying is, if we're stuck here, then just surviving's not going to cut it. We need some kind of relief, you know. We need some way that we can, you know, have fun. That's right, fun. Or else we're just going to go crazy waiting for the next bad thing to happen."

We all look at each other, and we smile. I have to admit, it's a great idea. For the last three days, I've walked around the two camps, board out of my mind, listening to Shannon complain about sand fleas and the toe she stubbed in the jungle. We all run up to the golf bag, claiming our preferred club, and for the first time in three days I see Jack smile as we start the First Island Open Golf Tournament.

* * *

><p>I'm surprised at how good Charlie is. I expect Jack to be good because, and not to play on the stereotype, he's a doctor. But soon, Charlie and I are winning.<p>

Jack and Michael are across the plateau, talking quietly in a huddle. They break and Jack yells "Heads up over there!" Charlie and I taunt them from our leading position.

"There's no way!" I yell.

"You'll never catch us!" Charlie taunts and Hurley laughs.

Jack sets up to take his shot, when a figure walks up the hill and yells "Hey, Doc? There you are. Somebody said you went this way. Listen, that rash of mine, it's starting to spread. It's like the size of a grape." It's this guy named Sullivan. He's super annoying, always stressing about nothing. He notices what we're up to and he looks around reprovingly "What are you guys doing? Are you playing golf?"

"Yeah," Jack says.

His posture perks up. "Can I play?"

* * *

><p>Everyone from camp starts showing up to check out the game Jack, Charlie, Michael and I are trying to finish. It's Jack's turn and he swings. I watch the ball fly, and…Damn, that was a good shot.<p>

"Dude, I think he stuck it." Hurley says.

"It's all luck," I say. I may be losing now, but for the first time since the crash I'm having fun. It's been so long since I just hung out with friends playing a game. Hanging with these guys reminds me of being in Afghanistan, playing soccer outside the hospitals. I feel like ten pounds of weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel happy for the first time in ages.

Kate walks up and asks "So, this thing has a ladies team?" I smile at her and run to catch up to Charlie and Hurley, who's taking his shot. I grin at him. It must be nice to find a way to make things brighter in dark situations. I look out at my fellow survivors and see them all laughing and smiling. For the first time, everyone looks safe. Our prospects are good.

It's amazing what a good game of golf will do.

Hurley swings the club, but misses the ball completely. "Aw, crap, do over."

"It's a mulligan," Charlie says. "It's a gentleman's sport, you've got to get the words right. Mulligan."

"Gentleman's sport my ass," I joke, nudging him in the shoulder and we laugh as Hurley takes him mulligan. He hits it, but it's pretty awful. I call over to Michael, who's talking to Walt, who just showed up. "Michael, it's your shot!"

* * *

><p>More and more people show up and soon it feels like the whole camp is there. I'm taking my last shot. I'm a point above par, so there's no way I'll win, but I sink the ball anyways, bowing to my clapping audience.<p>

It's Charlie's turn, and he gets down on the ground and starts picking out the grass and we laugh at him.

"Guys, please," he insists. "I've never made par on a course before." He takes his shot, but misses by a few inches. I pump my fist, because now, I don't finish in last place.

"Dude, you were robbed,' comforts Hurley.

"Bollocks," he says, kicking the ground.

"Okay, Jack. It's up to you," Michael says. "Sink this you get to wear the blazer."

"No pressure," I taunt.

"Yeah, no pressure," says Charlie, still pissed about his loss.

Hurley decides to up the stakes. "Five bucks says he sinks it."

"Hey, you're betting against me?" says Charlie.

"Sorry, dude, but you're a duffer like me."

"Make it ten and you're on," challenges Boone.

"Now you're betting against me?" I say to him. He smiles and winks.

"I don't have any cash," says Sullivan. "But I'll bet my dinner on the Doc."

Wow, dinner. That's a great wager, actually worth something here.

From the other end of the course someone shouts "I've two tubes of sunscreen and a flashlight, says he chokes." It's Sawyer. No one expected him, of all people, to show up today. Everyone stares at him for a moment. Then Kate says "I'll take that action."

Boone pipes up. "Yeah, yeah, me too."

Shannon laughs. "You just bet on Jack, dumbass."

"We need the sunscreen, Princess," he teases her.

Jack takes his swing…


	15. Day 15: Slumber Party

The next morning, I'm washing my face in the ocean. Hurley comes up to me. "Morning, dude," he greets. I nod in his direction and put my face in the water, washing off the soap. I love ocean water, but being around it 24/7, it's starting to lose its grandeur. When I come back up, he looks like he has something to say, but he just stands there awkwardly.

"Did you need something, Hurley?"

"Something, um, happened last night. At the caves."

I'm curious. "What's up?"

"You know that pregnant girl, Claire?" I nod. "She kinda had this nightmare."

"A nightmare?" He's bugging me with this?

"Yeah. Anyway, she says it wasn't a nightmare. She thinks she was attacked."

Interesting. "What makes her think that?"

"I don't know, dude. Pregnancy brain?"

I laugh. "Well, thanks for letting me know."

"Jack's coming to the beach later," he says. "He wants to talk to you."

* * *

><p>"Claire's gonna have her baby soon," Jack says to me in front of my tent.<p>

"I know,"

"Have you ever delivered a baby before?"

"This would be my first." I say nervously.

"Okay. I'm gonna need your help, but I'll talk you through it. Did Hurley tell you about her nightmare?"

"Yeah, he did. Was it really just a nightmare?"

"Who in the camp would attack a twenty-two year-old pregnant woman?"

I look up the beach, toward the caves. "Your guess is as good as mine."

"Would you mind sleeping at the caves tonight?" he asks. "If she has another dream, I think you'd handle it better than me."

I look up at him, pleased. "I think that's the first real complement you've ever given me," I joke.

He snorts. "Yeah, well, don't let it go to your head." He walk back to the path to the caves and I start packing my stuff.

* * *

><p>"Help me! Somebody's going to hurt me, please, help me!" I jolt awake at the sound Claire's yelling. I get up and run over to her cot.<p>

Jack is already there. "Someone attacked her," Charlie says. He's made it his personal mission to be Claire's bodyguard.

"What?" says Jack I jog over to Claire, who's standing against a cave, holding her baby belly. I put my arm over her shoulder. She shakes with tears.

"He held me down," she cries.

"Which way did he go?" demands Michael. "How long ago?"

"I don't know. I couldn't see. Just now, he just ran away."

Hurley shows up with Ethan, the guy who gave Jack the medications on our fourth day here. "What's going on?" he asks.

"We should find out," says Charlie. "Check the surrounding caves."

Jack tries to protest, but Charlie ignores him and says "Hurley, let's go."

I guide Claire back to her cot. "C'mon, let's sit down here, okay?" We sit and I turn to Ethan. "Can you get her some water?" I ask.

"Yeah, sure." He runs toward the spring.

"Claire, look at me," I say to her. "It's okay. You're safe now."

"Did you get a look at him, at all?" asks Michael.

"No, it was dark. I couldn't see." She's still crying and gasping for breath. I rub her shoulder as she continues to shake.

"Where did this happen?" Jack asks.

"It was here. I-I was sleeping and I woke up and he was trying to hurt my baby!" she yells. "He had this... this thing, like... like a needle. And he stabbed me with it." She pulls up her shirt to show me her stomach, but there's no mark on it. Nothing. While her eyes aren't on me I look at Jack and shake my head. "He was trying to hurt my baby!"

"It's okay. It's okay." I say, trying to get her to calm down.

* * *

><p>Eventually she stops crying. Ethan showed up with the water and I got her to drink some. Charlie comes over and takes my place, for which I'm grateful. This whole thing is terrifying and now I understand why Hurley was acting so weird about it this morning.<p>

I see Hurley at the edge of the jungle with a torch, talking to Jack. I walk up to them.

"Is she okay?" Hurley asks me.

"She's still pretty shook up, but I got her to calm down. She's sitting with Charlie. Did anybody see anything? Hear anything?"

"Uh-uh, nada. Everyone was asleep." He says. Then he changes the subject. "So, I had an idea. I'm out here looking for some psycho with Scott and Steve, right? And I'm realizing who the hell are Scott and Steve?"

Jack and I exchange a glance. "I'm not following you," he says.

"Look, if I was a cop and some woman got attacked, we'd canvas, right? Knock on doors, find witnesses. But we don't even have doors."

"Hurley, you're not helping me understand where you're—,"

"Look, we don't know who's living here and who's still at the beach. I mean, we don't even know each other. My name isn't Hurley, its Hugo Reyes. Hurley's just a nickname I have. Why? I'm not telling. The point is, we've got to find out who everyone is."

"You want to start a census?" I ask.

"Yeah, a registry, you know, names, what people look like, and who's related to who. I mean, we start laying down the law, maybe we'll stop attacking each other. It seems like someone's getting punched, or stabbed, or something every other day here. We've got to find out who did this to her."

Jack tells Hurley it's okay, but not to freak people out. I leave and go check on Claire.

* * *

><p>Charlie has gotten her back into her cot, but her eyes are wide open. I hear him say "Don't worry, you want to close your eyes, I'll be here all night. I won't let anyone get to you. I won't leave you, Claire. Promise."<p> 


	16. Day 16: Kidnapped

"You already know all you need to know about me, Hurley," I tell him. He's trying to get me on his census.

"Come on, dude. Just be cool."

"Fine," I concede.

"Full name?"

I roll my eyes. "Tia Samuels."

"Awesome. Where you from?"

"Sacramento, California." I answer, stuffing my cushions into a duffel bag.

He jots it down. "And your reason for travel?"

"Why does that matter?"

"Dude, just ans—,"

"Fine! I was at a treatment center there for a medical recovery."

He looks up from his pad. "What happened?" he asks.

"I got shot." I pull down the wide strap of my tank top and show him the pink circle contrasting brightly against my olive toned skin.

"Oh, dude," he says, eyeing the scar. "I didn't mean to—,"

"Don't worry about it," I say, standing up. I walk away over to Jack and Charlie, who are talking to Kate at her tent.

"Did you see anyone leave the beach last night?" Charlie asks her.

"People come and go, but I, I don't know."

Jack notices I'm there and says to me "I'm not sure anything actually happened."

"Wait, what?" says Charlie, surprised.

"Yeah, Jack I think you're right. Claire told us that this attacker tried to inject her with something. But there was no mark on her stomach." I reply, ignoring Charlie.

"You think she was making this up?" Charlie says to us. "She was terrified, mates!"

"Look," says Jack. "She said that the guy was trying to hurt her baby. Why would someone do that now with all of us sleeping 20 feet away?"

"So, you think she's lying?"

"No," Jack denies. "Pregnant women have extremely lucid—,"

"Lucid, right," Charlie cuts off sarcastically.

"These are textbook anxiety nightmares," he says.

"Oh, so you know everything that's going on with everyone?" Charlie says angrily.

"Tia can back me up on this!" he says.

"No Tia can't," I reply. "There aren't many pregnancies on assignment in the military."

Kate changes the subject. "So what do we do?"

"She's due in a little more than a week," says Jack. "Maybe two, but if she stays stressed out like this, or has another panic attack it could trigger an early labor. And out here, with no instruments, no monitors, and no anesthetic - that would not be good."

* * *

><p>I'm packing to move to the caves, full time now, in case Claire goes into labor at night, so I can be right there. Boone and Shannon have decided to come with me. I'm waiting on Shannon to get her things and Hurley's there, irritating her with his census. "You want my information?" she asks. "Fine. Name: Shannon Rutherford, Age: 20, Address: Crap-hole Island."<p>

"So, uh, where were you guys last night?" he asks them.

"Um, the beach," Shannon answers.

"Why the interrogation?" asks Boone.

"You're like the 20th person to ask me that. Why is everyone so uptight about answering a few questions?"

"Well, maybe we're just not cool with you setting up your own little Patriot Act, man."

"He's a liberal," says Shannon, which makes me laugh. Boone playfully shoves my shoulder.

"No, seriously, why the list?" he asks again.

Hurley looks at me and I nod, giving him the okay to tell them. "Ah, it's nothing, we just had a little incident in the valley last night."

"An incident?" Shannon asks.

"Yeah, Claire, the pregnant girl, you know her, she, uh, kind of got attacked."

"What?" Shannon exclaims. She turns to me. "You said she was just having nightmares."

"She is," I defend. "But they're really vivid. She wasn't hurt at all. Jack thinks they're from the pregnancy."

"But, she's okay?" Boone asks me.

"Yeah, she was really shook up, but—,"

Shannon drops her duffel. "I am so not moving to the rape caves," she says, going back to her tent.

Boone rolls his eyes and turns to Hurley. "You know, your life would be so much easier if you just had the manifest. We crossed out all the names of the dead after we burned the fuselage, so it should be a full roster of the rest of us," he says.

"What? Really? Where is it?"

I look over at Sawyer, reading a book at his tent. "Who do you think?"

* * *

><p>Boone stays at the beach, to try and convince Shannon to move, so I make my trek alone. I get there and drop my stuff off at my usual spot. I'm actually kind of excited to move here and not sleep in the sand anymore.<p>

It's very quiet and calm here, so when the ruckus from the trees happens I notice it right away.

"Sayid?" Jack says. It is Sayid, walking with a stick, his leg bandaged. His eyes are wide with terror as he falls to the ground. It's been almost a week since he left. I run over and kneel down next to him, helping him sit up.

"Listen to me," he says in a panic. "I found her, the French woman."

"I need some water," Jack says to Kate. "What happened?" he demands as he starts taking the bandage off of Sayid's leg. Kate returns and hand me the water, which I pass to Sayid who takes a few big gulps.

"The woman - on the island. I had to come back," he says as Jack rips open his cargo pants at the knee. Sayid grabs Jack's shoulder and Jack stops, looking up at Sayid's face. "We're not alone."

Jack, Kate, and I look back and forth at each other, stunned. Jack breaks the stares and goes back to Sayid's leg.

"We've got a problem," says Hurley, coming out of nowhere, dropping down by Jack's side, clutching both his census and what looks like the plane's roster. "The manifest, Jack, the census, the names of everyone who survived, all 46 of us. I interviewed everyone. Here, at the beach, got their names," Jack keeps working as Hurley tells him this. "One them, one of them isn't—Jack!" he yells. Jack stops working and looks at him. "One of them isn't in the manifest. He wasn't on the plane." Jack looks away and picks up Sayid, who has passed out, taking him over to a cot.

"Don't you hear me? He wasn't on the plane!" Hurley says. The whole camp is watching heatedly.

"Who wasn't on the plane?" Kate asks.

"Ethan, the Canadian guy, he is not on the passenger manifest."

"Well, where the hell is he?" Jack asks.

"I don't know," Hurley says. "I saw him yesterday, but now...,"

Jack yells out to the crowd "Has anyone seen Ethan?"

"Sayid's leg," Kate says to me, but I ignore her. He'll be fine. This is more important.

"Has anyone seen Ethan?" Jack asks again.

"Yeah, yeah," says Michael, stepping forward. "He went to go get some wood. He took off on the path to the beach. Is he okay? What happened?"

"Where's Charlie?" Jack asks.

"He went after Claire," says Locke.

Jack starts running into the jungle and Locke races right after him.

* * *

><p>Locke is back at the caves thirty minutes later. He starts riffling through his supplies.<p>

"You let him go alone?" Kate asks, not happy about it.

"Don't worry. I'll catch up," he says. "What's the word from the beach?"

"Nothing," I say. "Nobody has seen him."

"I'm coming with you," Kate says.

Locke hands her a knife. "I figured you might."

"I'm coming too," I say.

"No, you're not." Locke says to me. "You need to stay here, keep the peace. Make sure Sayid is okay. We can't have both our medics out looking."

"I'll take your place," Boone volunteers.

Shannon protests. "This is a deserted Island. There's no choppers, no Amber Alerts. How exactly are you going to find them?"

"By following Ethan's trail," Locke answers. "No one can walk through the wilderness without leaving signs, bending blades of grass, breaking twigs, especially with captives in tow. And yes, I could use another hand if you're up for it."

"I'm up for it." Boone says.

Lock hands him a knife. "Then let's get moving."

They're about to leave when Michael runs up. "Hey, Locke. Hey, look, you know, a lot of us don't just want to sit here waiting for news."

"Thanks, but we're set," he says. "Anyone else will just slow us down."

"Okay. Maybe I'll just put together another party."

"Good idea. We're going north. I suggest you go south." And he leaves with Boone and Kate.

Michael looks pissed. I feel the same way, but I admit that Locke made a good point. I go back over to Sayid to check out his leg. He doesn't wake as I re-dress it.

* * *

><p>I stay near Sayid all day, because it's the only thing I can do that doesn't make me feel useless. He wakes up at one point, but is too tired to stay awake and falls asleep again for a while. I sit near his feet, doing a crossword puzzle that I stole from Shannon.<p>

"Well, well, well," says an accented voice from above me. It's Sawyer, staring down at Sayid, who wakes up instantly from his sleep. "I don't know if you Islams got a concept of karma, but I get the sense this Island just served you up a heaping platter of cosmic payback."

"What do you want?" Sayid mumbles.

"Dr. Do-Right doesn't trust me with his antibiotics so I have to hump it up here every day just to get my meds. Speaking of which, Brown Eyes," he says to me. "Would you mind?"

I look at Sayid, silently asking if it's okay to leave them alone. He nods and I get up and walk over to the infirmary cave.

By the time I get back, Sawyer is standing again. I hand him his meds, and he says to Sayid "Tide's coming up the beach. Plane hull's almost in the water. Kept your signal fire burning." He leaves without another word.

I sit back down in my spot. "You ready to tell me what happened out there?" I ask.

He points to the water bottle at my side. I hand it to him and he drinks. He finishes and sighs.

"A couple miles down the beach, after I left, I found a wire on the beach."

"What kind of wire?" I ask.

"I don't know, but it ran from the jungle, all the way out into the ocean. I followed the end that went through the jungle for miles until I was caught in a trap."

"What kind of trap?"

"Rope. It hung me by my ankle from a tree and I was knocked out.

"I woke up in her camp."

"The French woman?"

"Yes. Her name is Rousseau. Danielle Rousseau. We were right about the distress signal. She's been here for sixteen years."

"What's she been doing all of this time?"

"She claimed that there were others here on the island with us. She said they kidnapped her daughter."

"How did she get here? On the Island?"

"She crashed on a boat. She was a part of a science expedition."

"What happened to her people? There were others on the expedition with her, right?"

"She murdered them."

I pause. "Why?" I ask.

"She believed they were sick."

"Sick?"

"She was insane, Tia," he says. "There are no others."

"Sayid, you came out of the jungle saying we're not alone."

"I was dehydrated, delirious! I don't know what I heard," he insists.

"Sayid," I say, solemnly. "Claire and Charlie were kidnapped today, just before you got back."

He looks at me, his eyes wide. "What?"

"Ethan Rom, the guy who hunts with Locke sometimes. He wasn't on the plane. He was here before us. Jack, Kate, Locke, and Boone went after them hours ago." Sayid looks terrified by this revelation. "You should get more sleep," I tell him. "You've had a long week."

* * *

><p>Three hours later, Jack and Kate stumble out of the jungle, each helping to support Charlie. His eyes are bloodshot, his face is as white as a sheet, and his neck is bruised blue. Jack and Kate carry him to the infirmary cave. I hand Jack supplies as he tends to Charlie's wounds.<p>

Jack starts to ask Charlie questions. "Does that hurt?" He doesn't answer. "How's your breathing?" Charlie just stares forward. Kate told me they found him hanging from a noose by his neck, which explains the bruising. He almost didn't make it. "Charlie, you've got to talk to me. We're going to back out and look for Claire the moment the sun comes up, and I could really use your help. Anything that you can tell me about what you remember, where you were going. Did you see or hear—,"

"I didn't see anything, hear anything. I don't remember anything." It's the first time Charlie's spoken since he got back. "Claire..."

"What?" Jack asks.

"That's all they wanted."

"They?"

"All they wanted was Claire." And he continued to stare off into space.

Jack continued treating Charlie while I got up to get him some water. Shannon comes up to me at the waterfall. "They aren't back yet," she says worriedly.

"I'm sure they just made camp for the night." I assure her. "If there's anyone on this Island that Boone is safe with, it's Locke." She's so much taller than me, I have to look up to reach her eyes. "Trust me," I tell her, even though I too am worried beyond belief.


	17. Day 20: Confidantes

_Four Days Later_

There has been no sign of Claire. Charlie sits around camp, rarely speaking, and only when spoken to.

Locke and Boone stayed out until well past 2 am that first night, looking for her, not knowing Jack and Kate brought Charlie back. Since then, they've continued their search every day.

"What do you think they're doing out there?" Shannon asks me. We're outside our tents, watching the sun set. The tide has started moving up in the beach, almost covering our signal fire, and Jack and Sayid made plans with everyone to start moving our things to a new campsite tomorrow with a tree line further away from the shore. After the kidnapping, Shannon refused to move to the caves and Boone and I conceded our pleas with her and I moved my stuff back to the beach. I know I don't have to stay with them, but it makes me more comfortable knowing that I have my own little "family" amongst the group. Ever since the incident with the inhalers, Shannon has considerably warmed up to me. Well, as much as an ice queen can warm up. Boone has become my confidante, but I have barely seen him since Claire went missing.

"Looking for Claire," I tell her. "What else would they be doing?"

"She's been missing for four days. This Island is huge, there's no way they're still looking." She makes a point, but I'm not going to tell her that. Her head is big enough already. "You spent a day with that Locke guy in the jungle. What's he like?"

"Odd," I answer. "But extremely capable. He managed to avoid The Monster and capture that boar all on his own."

"Oh, yeah, the monster," she says, rolling her eyes. "Do you think they found something?" she asks me. "Something other than Claire?"

"I doubt it. Boone would have said something," I assure her. But then I remember that he's with Locke, a skilled hunter who I'm sure is very good at making people keep their silence.


	18. Day 21: Waves

I'm grabbing everything I can get my hands on that is of use to the camp. Blankets, towels, suitcases, anything, and I run it back up to the tree line.

The tide is coming in fast, trying to cover the crisps of the burned fuselage. People everywhere are running into the ocean to grab the things that it tries to claim. I run two suitcases up to a large piece of wreckage that Shannon is sitting beside, reading a magazine. I see Boone there as well pouring water onto the back of his sweaty neck. It's the first time he's been at camp during the day since Claire was taken. They don't notice me, and I hide behind the wreckage. Maybe Boone will tell Shannon where he's been going if I'm not around.

"Glad to see you're doing something productive with your time," he says to her.

"Where have you been?" she asks.

"What do you mean where have I been?"

"You and Locke have been leaving before sunrise and coming back after dark for the last four days. What are you doing out there? Is he your new boyfriend? Oh, wait. I forgot about your school boy crush on Tia," my stomach does a small flip. "Aren't you afraid she'll get jealous?"

"Shut up," Boone retorts. "We're looking for Claire."

"I thought there was no trail anymore. That no one even knew where to look."

"Yeah, well, at least I'm doing something," he says, frustrated. "Don't you see the way they look at us around here? If you paid attention to something other than yourself you'd notice that I like Tia so much because she's the only one around here who takes us seriously, and you just treat her like crap. Everyone thinks we're a joke. I'm trying to contribute something. You're just— you're useless." I hear him walk away.

When I'm sure he's gone I come out from my spot. I try to avoid Shannon's gaze, but she yells at me, "Guess I was wrong, Tia."

I turn back to her. "What are you talking about, Shannon?" I ask.

"Don't play dumb, I knew you were behind this thing," she says, elbowing the metal. "Remember how I told you that you weren't his type?"

"Yes, I do, but Shannon, I really don't have time for this,"

"He likes you," she says. "You should savor it, because it's not often he pays attention to someone other than me." She grins maliciously.

"What?" I ask. I'm so bad at this kind of stuff. Girl talk.

"He's been in love with me since we were kids," she says, rolling her eyes. "Maybe you're the girl to finally snatch him away." I think about this. Shannon, who knows Boone better than anyone says he likes me. Do I even like Boone? I mean, yeah, I guess. He's nice, smart, attractive…and apparently harbors a "school boy crush" for me.

I decide to worry about this later. "I've got to go back to work," I say to Shannon and I make what seems like my hundredth jump into the waves today.


	19. Day 22: Beyond the Sea

I've managed to fit all of my stuff into two duffle bags. My clothes, water bottles, flashlight, a few books, my bedding, and the limited about of medical supplies I got from Jack. I strap them both around my shoulders and start to move to our new camp.

"Hey, Tia, need a hand?" It's Michael, carrying a makeshift wheelbarrow looking thing, with his and Walt's stuff on the back. I jog over and drop my own bags on top and help Walt keep the pile steady. We walk a few yards and spot Sawyer with a silver case on his lap, attempting to pick the case's lock. It's a Halliburton and I doubt it actually belongs to Sawyer. I wonder what's inside.

"You're wasting your time, man." Michael says to him. "If you pick the lock on a Halliburton, I'll put you on my back and fly us to LA." He makes an excellent point. We used large Halliburtons in the army, and they're impossible to get open without the keys.

Sawyer looks up from the case and says "You better find yourself a runway, daddy, 'cause there ain't a lock I can't pick."

Hurley comes up, carrying six or seven pieces of luggage. "What's he trying to do?" he asks us.

"Pick the lock on a Halliburton." I answer.

Hurley busts out laughing. "Good luck," he says, and still laughing, walks away.

Walt moves his hand and some stuff falls off the wheelbarrow. Michael comes over to help him retrieve the stuff and says to Sawyer, "The only way you're going to open that case is with pure force, man. Impact velocity."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asks.

"You've got to hit it with something hard, like a sledgehammer. Or the axe."

Sawyer rolls his eyes and continues to pick the lock. Michael, Walt, and I continue up the beach.

* * *

><p>By evening, everyone is ready to go. The whole camp makes the walk to a much larger, more level beach, where the ocean is further away. I notice that Sawyer doesn't have the Halliburton case anymore. He must have abandoned it.<p>

Shannon spent the whole day with Sayid. He had stolen some maps from the French woman, Rousseau, and had recruited her to help him translate some annotations all day. I had barely seen her, but it was nice to know that she had found something to do with her time, other than read outdated magazines and tan.

I drop my stuff and start to build a fire. Shannon drops off her's and Boone's things and goes to grab some more wood.

By the time she gets back I have flame and we add her wood to the fire. We sit in silence as the flames grow, waiting for Boone to get back from God knows where. Uncharacteristically, Shannon asks me "Where do you think we are?"

"We're in the South Pacific," I answer.

"You'd think that this place would be on a map," she says. "I've been staring at maps all day. I guess "South Pacific" is too general for me."

"It could be worse. I could have said beyond the sea. How's that for generalization?" I joke. She doesn't respond, and I look over to her and her eyes are wide, her face covered in realization.

"That's it!" she exclaims. She gets up and walks over to Sayid, who's sitting in front of his own small fire. They're too far away for me to hear what she says, but I notice Sayid hang on to her every word. I notice Boone watching them from the trees, staring down Sayid with an uncomfortable look on his face.

So much for his school boy crush.


	20. Day 24: Secrets

Our new camp is actually very nice. The sand isn't as fine here, so it doesn't get caught in shoes or clothes and the sand fleas are very scarce.

Boone and Locke continue to go into the jungle every day, but lately not for as long a time. Locke told everyone that Claire and Ethan's trail had been lost and that he and Boone were now hunting for boar every day. I thought it was weird that Boone would go hunting, but after his spat with Shannon a couple of days ago, I understand why he is doing it.

Boone decided to spend his morning with me, helping me build a new shelter. When we finish. I look at it with pride. It's made of thick sticks of bamboo, plane wreckage, and tarp. It's not much, but it's big enough and will keep the rain out.

When we finish we sit down for a break, staring out at the distant ocean. I haven't questioned him about the hunting once. I figure it's his business what they're doing, and it can't be that important. If it was life threatening in any way, I'm sure Boone would have told Shannon by now, if not me.

After a few minutes of silence I notice he's not looking at the water, but rather at Shannon, who is closer to the shore, in the sun. Sayid has walked up to her and handed her a box. The two have been very friendly lately and Boone is not happy about it. I remember my conversation with Shannon two days ago. Her telling me that Boone has been in love with her since they were kids. The way he watches her flirt with Sayid now, definitely confirms that as fact. I've given up any hope of an Island Romance and now I am strictly only friends with Boone though it still churns my stomach every time I see him look at her like that.

"Yo, Boone. Question for you, dude." It's Hurley. We turn and face him as he approaches.

"Yeah?" Boone answers.

"You and Locke are going out hunting boar every day, right?"

"What about it?" he asks, peeved by the question.

"That's cool," Hurley insists. "Except, how come you're not coming back with any? We haven't had fresh pork on a plate in about a week, dude."

"It's not like they're domesticated animals."

"Maybe you guys aren't trying hard enough?"

"We're hunting, alright?" Boone says.

"I hope so, because people need food—solid food. This isn't a game, man." Hurley says. Boone gets up, annoyed with Hurley's interrogation and walks over to Sayid, who's just left Shannon.

"What do you think they're up to?" Hurley asks me. "You two are close. Has he told you anything?"

"I haven't really asked," I reply.

"Why not, dude? Aren't you curious?"

"I am, but if it was really important, I'm sure he'd tell me," I say, defending him.

"Glad to know someone here doesn't have trust issues," he says. He grabs his stomach, a look of pain in his eyes. "Whoa, man. Gotta go. I'll see you around." He walks away, hand on his stomach, toward the path to the caves.

* * *

><p>About an hour later, I'm out of water. I pack up my bottles and head to the caves. I like the new trail much better. On my way there I hear some rustling to my right that makes me jump. I walk through the ruffage and I come out at a clearing. Kate and Sun are sitting in silence, digging thought the dirt.<p>

"What's going on?" I ask. My presence startles them both, making Kate jump and Sun exclaim something in Korean.

They recover quickly and Kate smiles at me, standing up. "Looks like you're visitor number two," she ways to me. "Welcome to the garden," she gestures around the dirt pile.

It's not just a dirt pile. There are ridges shaped out and holes dug for seeds. I bend down and pat the soil, which is damp and good for planting. I look over at Sun, who's continued her work and then up at Kate and I smile. "This is amazing!" I say, full of wonder. "How did you do this?"

"It was all Sun," she tells me. I wish I could thank her. Sun is so smart with plants and herbs. She's actually the one who saved Shannon from her asthma attacks a few weeks ago. She made a mixture out of Eucalyptus leaves.

I think of my younger brother, Gil, who shared my mother's love of the great outdoors. Growing up in Sacramento, we rarely got out of the city, and to compensate, Gil and I grew our own garden behind the house. We never grew food, just flowers and other plants, but I always wanted to try it. "Do you need any help?" I ask. "I won't get in the way and I'm good with plants. It would be a great way to take my mind off of…things." I hesitate that last part because I don't want to talk about the whole Boone/Shannon situation.

Kate smiles. "Of course," she says. "A garden's not going to plant itself, and we've got a lot of mouths to feed."

I set my stuff down and get to work. Sun manages to communicate with me the seeds she wants planted and where she wants them. We work in silence for a short time when Kate says, "You know, my dad was in the army."

"Really?" I ask. One of the solders on one of my bases in Afghanistan told me that once I got back to the states everyone would use the army as an icebreaker. Kate is no exception.

"He was in the Gulf War. Later he became a recruitment officer."

"What about you, Kate?" I ask her. "What do you do, back in the real world?" I remember her conversation with Jack from our second day here. That she was the prisoner being transported from Australia to Los Angeles. I wonder if her answer will be a lie.

"I travel a lot, mostly," she says. "I was on my way to Bali, looking forward to exploring the Island. Somehow I ended up on a flight to LA, instead. Guess that falls under the category 'be careful what you wish for'." She pauses and then says "You understood me." I look up and see her looking over at Sun, who has a worried look on her face and is working much harder than before. "You did, didn't you, you just understood what I said?"

"You speak English?" I ask her. Sun looks up at us with a somewhat scared look on her face.

"Please, don't tell anyone," Sun says.

Kate and I exchange a look of excitement.

"Does anybody else know?" I ask.

"Only Michael," she says. I knew there was something going on with them!

"But not your husband?" asks Kate.

Sun looks worried, like she can't think of what to say. "Please, I...,"

"Don't worry. I can keep a secret," Kate says, looking at me for my approval.

"Me too," I assure Sun. "Don't worry."

"I took English lessons in Korea. He doesn't know. It's complicated."

"So why don't you tell him now?" Kate asks.

"I can't."

"Why?" I ask.

"Because I love him," she answers firmly.

"I don't understand." I say.

Sun looks between Kate and I. "Have you ever lied to a man you've loved?"

I think about that and the only thing I can come up with is my brothers, who I lied to constantly, growing up, keeping our father's secrets away from them. Protecting them.

* * *

><p>After I finish planting at the garden I make my way to the caves to get the water I had originally intended to retrieve. Jack asks me to give Charlie some aspirin to help with his drug withdraw, as I have the last of it on the beach.<p>

* * *

><p>"Cheers," Charlie says to me, swallowing the pill.<p>

"You need a hand?" I ask, pointing to the large firewood he's trying to move.

"Yeah, yeah, I'd love one."

I'm skeptical about my next question, but decide to ask anyway. "How are you doing, Charlie?"

"How am I doing?" he repeats, dropping the wood. "With week two of heroin withdrawal? Or how am I doing with Claire being abducted by the freak who tried to kill me?"

"Never mind," I say. "You don't have to answer, I was just worried." I see Locke at the edge of the beach. Everyone said he left Boone out in the jungle, hunting by himself. "What do you think his story is?" I ask Charlie, nodding my head toward Locke.

"The guy's a freak of nature," he says. "Highly disturbed. Chances are he probably killed all his mates at the post office the day his mum forgot to put a cookie in his lunch tin. That was my first impression, anyway. And then he saved my life. Got me off the heroin."

"So you trust him?" I ask. I think it's uncharacteristic of Boone to want to be in the jungle alone and I'm starting to wonder, like everyone else, what it is they're doing out there.

"Trust him?" Charlie asks. "No offense, mate, but if there's one person on this Island I would put my absolute faith in to save us all it would be John Locke."

It's very close to what I said to Shannon the night Claire was taken. I'm not sure if I believe it anymore, though.

* * *

><p>That night, it's very late when Boone makes it back to camp. He looks exhausted as he sits down next to me by the fire. Shannon is at the caves.<p>

"How was the hunt?" I ask him.

"I wasn't hunting," he says, glaring into the fire.

I'm confused. "But, Locke said you were—,"

"How come you haven't asked me what we've been doing?" he asks.

I hesitate, trying to find the right words. I think of Sun and the secret she keeps from Jin, to protect him. "Because I trusted you," I say, finally. "Everyone has secrets. I figured that if you did have something to hide, it was for a good reason, like to protect me."

He looks up from the fire. His face is inches away from mine. "Locke said you'd say that," he says, and before I knew it, he's kissing me, fiercely.

We break and I look into his eyes. "What about Shannon?" I ask.

He doesn't even blink. "I don't need her anymore," he whispers. He lays his mouth on mine a second time. This kiss lasts much longer, and I kiss him back, admitting to myself for the first time that I do care about Boone. He's sweet and kind and thinks of others before himself. How he was the first person here that I met and how he wanted to help me. Shannon said he could never protect me, but I feel safer in his embrace than I've felt since before Afghanistan. Since before my mother died.

"Finally," someone says, breaking our embrace, bringing us back to the real world. It's Shannon, who plops down beside us. "I've been saying for weeks that you two were itching to jump into each other's pants." She grabs her shoulder bag and produces a fish, cleaned and wrapped in leaves. "Who's hungry?"

Boone and I both smile at her and we share the fish and two large papayas from the jungle. It's the family I thought I'd never get back.


	21. Flashback 3: Service

April 1997

"Donny, you can't tell Gil. Promise me you won't tell Gil," My older brother, only by a year was sitting on his bed. His eyes were bloodshot and his skin was sweaty. His hands were shaking. He was coming off of his third high. Cocaine. He was only seventeen. A guy had sold it to him at a gas station. "You can't do this anymore, Donny," I said, grabbing his hand to keep it from shaking, but it wouldn't stop. "See what it's doing to you? You need to stop."

Donny's bedroom door swung open. "What do we have here?" It was my father, still in his work clothes.

"Nothing, Dad," I say, attempting to shield Donny's body with my own. "Donny was just helping me—,"

"Shut up," he said to me, pushing me out of the way. That was the first time he ever touched me like that.

He stood above Donny, his scotch hand shaking worse than Donny's whole body. "You think now that she's gone, you can get away with this kind of crap?" he said. "I'm a respectable business man, and you go and pull this crap? Do you know what this could do to me you little son of a bitch?" He hit Donny across the face. I stayed in the corner, terrified of this man who was not my father. He grabbed Donny by the collar of his shirt. "Do this again, Donald, and you'll get more than a slap on the cheek." He let go and walked out of the room.

That was the second time I'd ever seen Donny cry.

* * *

><p>January 2003<p>

"So, what do you have to offer the army," the man behind the desk said to me. The tag on his khaki shirt read "Austin".

"I just want to help people," I told him. "Keep people safe."

"Do you have any medical training?"

"No."

"Doesn't matter," he said, pulling out a pamphlet. "We can teach you everything you need to know." It was titled _Trauma Paramedic: Saving Lives Every Day_. "You'll need lots of training, but I've got a feeling you can handle it."


	22. Day 26: Knots

**Hello, everyone! So I've published my 20th chapter and haven't gotten any feedback yet. I'd really love to get some critiques on how I'm handling the characters and everything. Seriously, guys. I'd love some constructive criticism. I'm really trying to improve as a writer. That is all. Enjoy!**

Word spreads fast around camp, especially when Shannon is the source of the gossip. Everyone has been teasing Boone and I, but all in good humor. I still don't know what he and Locke are doing in the jungle, but today they've decided to take a break from it. I grab my things to meet Boone in the jungle with Locke not far from the caves. Not exactly my idea of a date, but it'll do. Locke is going to teach us how to throw a knife. It could be fun.

"Where are you going?" It's Walt, with Vincent on his leash.

"I'm meeting John and Boone in the woods," I say and Walt's eyes light up at the mention of Locke.

"Can I come? Please?" he pleads.

"Umm, I don't think you dad would—,"

"No, it's okay! I'm supposed to be taking Vincent for a walk anyways. Is it far?"

"No, just through the trees over there," I point. "But I don't think your dad wants you to come, Buddy."

"No, he won't mind, I promise," he says and I concede, earning a fist pump from Walt. I smile as I lead the way.

When we get there, Locke's head jerks up and he notices Walt. "Looks like I've got another student," he says, with a smile on his face.

"A student for what?" Walt asks, his eyes glowing with excitement.

I walk over to Boone and sit down beside him as Locke pulls his knife out of its holster on his belt. "You're gonna need this," he says, and hands the knife over to Walt.

* * *

><p>Walt throws the knife for the sixth time and it misses its target, yet again, and it falls to the ground. "Man, I suck," he criticizes.<p>

"You can do better than that," Locke encourages him.

"You might want to take it easy on him," I say, petting Vincent behind the ears.

Locke waves me off and goes to grab the knife. He points it at the tree. "See this knot, Walt? I want you to aim for it, right here. Focus on it, alright? Picture it in your mind's eye." He walks back over to Walt. "You know what that is, right? The mind's eye?"

"Like a picture in your head or—,"

"That's right," he says, handing him the knife. "Now do it again. But see it. See it before you do it. Visualize the path. See it."

Walt takes a deep breath, staring at the knot on the tree with all his might. He throws the knife and…it sticks! Dead center.

"Whoa." Boone says, impressed.

"Yes!" Walt celebrates. Vincent gives a bark of approval.

"I knew you had it in you, Walt," praises Locke, who goes to retrieve the knife.

"It was weird," Walt says, recalling it for us. "I actually saw it, in my mind or something, like it was real."

"Who's to say it wasn't?" Locke says, handing him the knife again.

"Hey!" It's Michael, coming out of the woods from the caves. "What the hell is going on?" He sees the knife in Walt's hand and snatches it away. "Give me that."

"But, I was—,"

"Take Vincent and go back to camp."

"But, Mr. Locke was—,"

"Now, little man."

Walt comes over to me and grabs Vincent. I shoot him an apologetic look, but he ignores it. He leaves and goes back to the caves.

"You gave my boy a knife? Michael says to Locke.

"You should have seen what—,"

"Hey, don't tell me what I should have seen, man! If we were back home, I'd call the police on your ass! Encouraging a kid to sneak away from his parent? Giving him a knife like this?"

"Walt knows his own mind," Locke defends.

Michael sticks the knife in Locke's face. Locke puts up his arms in protest and Michael continues, "Hey, don't talk about my son like you know him!"

"You really need to calm down," Locke says. I feel Boone shift beside me.

"You keep playing my son against me, and I'm going to have a—,"

But he's cut off as Boone jumps from his seat and lunges at Michael, trying to get him to drop the knife. "The man said calm down," he says.

"Boone!" I yell, standing up as Michael punches Boone in the face, managing to get on top of him.

"What are you his attack dog?" Michael says as they struggle.

Locke and I manage to break them up. "Michael, this is my fault," I say to him. "I let Walt come out here with me. He said you wouldn't mind."

"No, this isn't your fault, Tia," he says to me. "You're not the one giving him knives. It's this old bastard, who's—,"

"Easy, easy, easy," Locke says. "You're the one that was waving the knife around. Boone was just trying to make sure you didn't hurt someone. Michael, I know it's been difficult to bond with your son. You know why he's formed an attachment to me? Because I treat him like an adult. You still treat him like a boy."

"He's ten years old," Michael says.

"He's been through more than most people in their entire lifetimes. Maybe you haven't spent enough time with him to see it, but he's different."

That did it. "What did you say?" says Michael, furious.

"And we're not back home, Michael," Locke continues. "As long as we're here, I think Walt should be allowed to realize his potential."

"Stay away from my son. And me," he says, like a threat. He turns to me. "Keep a leash on your boyfriend," he says, before walking out of the clearing.


	23. Day 27: The First Time

Shannon has been avoiding me. It's so weird, because I thought after that night she saw Boone and I kiss we'd be cool from now on. But whenever I greet her, she gives me the cold shoulder.

I ask Sun about this in the garden.

"She has had him to herself most of her life," she says to me. "Maybe it is strange for her, to see him with someone else."

"But she wanted it to happen," I say. "Why would she act like this after all of that?"

"My father did not want me to marry Jin," she says, planting an herb. "Jin's father was a fisherman, and my father did not see that as a respectable business. In the end, my father gave his blessing, because he knew it made me happy, but he always regretted it, and he forced Jin to take a job at his company. It is my father's fault we were on the plane. Sometimes we do something, give our permission, when we don't really mean it. We do it because we want to spread happiness. But when we are at the expense, like your daughter, marrying a fisherman's son, we start to take our own happiness into account above all others, even our loved ones."

I'm glad I chose to talk to Sun about this. She's very wise, and I wish we could tell the camp about her ability to speak English. She has so much to offer, and it's put to a minimum with the language barrier.

"Thank you," I say to her. "That really helps."

She smiles and places more herb in the ground.

* * *

><p>I go back to the caves to grab water. As I get there I see Locke and Boone come out of the jungle, back from whatever it is they do. I get up to greet him, but Shannon comes out of nowhere and beats me to it.<p>

"Boone. Hi," she says. "So are you guys just going to keep coming back without any food?" When Boone doesn't answer her, she exclaims "Hey, I'm serious."

Boone just replies with an "Uh-huh."

"What's going on with you, Boone?" she demands. "Could you be acting any weirder?"

"Shannon," he says, irritated. "You've been a functioning bulimic since junior high. I thought you'd be excited about dropping a size or two."

"Well, since you're not having any luck with hunting maybe you should help Michael," she suggests. "He's building a raft. I was thinking I would help him out, maybe finally get the hell out of here. Why don't you help me?" Her eyes beg for him to say yes. I think about how she knew for years that he was in love with her, and I realize that this is why she never told him to stop. It was her way of manipulating him. Of keeping him on her string, like a puppet.

But Boone just looks at her and shakes his head. "No, thanks."

She turns around and sees me watching. "Well done," she says to me sarcastically. "He must really love you. You broke him." She says this like I broke her favorite toy.

I walk up to Boone. "What was that about a raft?" I ask.

"I don't know," he replies. "Wanna go find out? Michael's just behind those trees." I smile and nod my head.

We get there and Michael is at a big pile or wreckage, sorting through cushions, metal, and anything he can find.

"Michael?" I say, alerting him of our presence. He turns and notices me with Boone and shakes his head, going back to his work. "Michael, please," I say. "I'm sorry about yesterday. We're both sorry. It wasn't my place to bring Walt along with me, and Boone was completely out of line attacking you." I turn to Boone and silently ask him to apologize.

"Yeah, man," he says, somewhat reluctantly. "I shouldn't have done it. I just didn't want anyone to get hurt."

Michael turns up from his work. He looks at us for a second, then says "Yeah. Yeah, don't worry about it. As long as Locke stays away from my boy, we're okay."

Great. Now that that's over, I say "So I hear you're building a raft?"

"Yeah, well, somebody's gotta get us off this rock," he says. He looks back at the path to the caves. "Have you guys seen my boy?"

"Yeah," says Boone. "Saw him at the caves. Why?"

"For the love of God," Michael mutters. He walks right past us and goes through the path.

"You know," Boone says to me. "That kid would listen to him more if he just gave him some space. It's crazy."

"Yeah, that's why I let him come yesterday. Michael makes him stay with him or at the caves. Walt just needed to do something fun."

"Kind of like us, right?" he says to me, grinning. He turns my head up and kisses me softly.

"You and Locke should take days off more often," I say.

Boone closes his eyes in frustration. "Awe, man," he says. "I forgot I told Locke I'd go hunting with him again tonight."

"Oh," I sigh, disappointed. "Well, if you promised—,"

"No, no," he says. "Tonight I'm all yours. I'm just gonna go let him know, okay?" he asks.

I'm ecstatic. "Absolutely! Meet me on the beach?" he nods and we kiss one more time before splitting up.

* * *

><p>Remember how I said I was bad at romance? Yeah, it wasn't a lie. I stand outside my tent wondering what will happen. Do I want to have sex? It wouldn't be my first time. If we're counting, it would be my third, but here, on an Island with no protection? I think about Claire and her pregnancy, which makes me shiver. I don't want to think about that.<p>

Boone comes out of the jungle ten minutes later with a somber look. "Walt is missing," he tells me.

"What?" I exclaim. "Are they looking for him? Should we go help?" I start walking towards the path, when Boone grabs my arm to stop me.

"I wouldn't worry about it," he says. "He couldn't have gone far. He had the dog with him. Michael and Locke just went after him."

"Locke? Michael let Locke come?"

"Wouldn't you?" he asks me.

"Yeah, probably," I admit, sitting down outside the tent. Boone sits down next to me.

"I guess I killed the mood, huh?" he says.

"Well, you didn't make it better," I joke, nudging him with my elbow.

"Let me make it up to you," he says, grabbing my hand. He stands me up and we walk into the tent, and my worries from earlier disappear. I just want to be with him.

* * *

><p>After the sex (which was amazing) we lay in the tent, talking for what seems like hours. I tell him about everything. My mom, my brothers, my short, but wonderful experience in college. I even share the bad things, like my father, the army, and the day I got shot.<p>

He tells me about Shannon, and how he always cared for her deeply, more than a sister, but being on this Island, he's realized that she was wrong for him, and that being with Locke made that clearer. He tells me about his mother; how she spoiled him, but never treated Shannon like a daughter.

We still have secrets. I don't tell him about Kate or Sun. I don't even share Charlie's past drug addiction. He doesn't tell me what he and Locke do every day. But I don't mind, because these are small things. We've shared the big stuff, and when it's time, I'll find out. I'm very patient.

We decide to get out of the tent because we notice it's getting dark and we haven't eaten. We come out and I see Kate, sitting by a fire. We make eye contact and she winks at me. I smile.

A few minutes later, Locke comes out of the jungle.

"Did you find Walt?" I ask, concerned.

"Yeah, we did," he says. "Nothing to worry about. He's safe and sound, just a little shook up." He grabs a small, wooden device from his pocket. "I need your help," he says to us. "Walt lost Vincent in the jungle. I promised Michael I'd get him back."

"Of course," I say. "Let's go."

* * *

><p>Night fell on the Island, but Boone, Locke, and I trek through the jungle. Locke blows on his piece of wood, which I learned was a very high-pitched whistle. We've been out here a little over an hour.<p>

"I don't think that whistle's working, John." Boone says to him.

"You can't hear everything, Boone." Locke replies. "The sooner you learn that, the better."

He continues blowing the whistle and the bushes in front of us start rustling.

"Well, I heard that," Boone says.

"Vincent," I call. "Vincent is that you? Vincent?"

But it's not Vincent. We move the shrubs away and we find something we did not expect.

"Claire?" Locke says, confused. She stands there whimpering softly and as we approach her, she falls to the ground, passing out.

I'm still in shock when Boone and Locke go to pick her up. This was so far from what I was expecting, my reflexes are so much slower than usual.

"What do we do?" Boone asks me, grabbing her under the arms.

"We need to get her to Jack, right now," I say, and the men haul ass toward the caves, carrying Claire.

* * *

><p>We get to the caves in fifteen minutes. "Where's Jack?" I say, as soon as we enter.<p>

Everyone notices Claire immediately and they start asking questions that I don't have the answers to. Charlie is the worst of all, nagging me, right in my ear. Jack appears and takes Claire from Locke and Boone, carrying her to the cot in the infirmary cave. "Where did you find her?" he asks Locke.

"About a mile north. We were looking for the dog."

"Was she conscious?"

"She wasn't at first, but then she collapsed."

Charlie is still there, asking his questions "Did she say anything?" he asks frantically.

"Charlie, man! Is she injured?" Hurley calls from the crowd as Walt asks "Is she alright?"

"Everybody needs to back off!" Jack yells at the crowd. "Just give her some air." He wets a cloth and starts dabbing her forehead with it. "Claire, can you hear me? Wake up now. Hey, Claire, Claire. Wake up now." She opens her eyes, slowly, letting them adjust. "Hey," he says to her, smiling. Then, she screams. A sound of pure terror escapes her mouth and she scrambles out of the cot, getting as far away from us as she can.

"Claire? It's okay. It's okay." Jack and I both tell her.

"Claire. You're safe," Charlie insists.

"Who are you?" she screams. "Who are you? Who are you people?"

* * *

><p>Eventually Jack and Charlie get her to calm down. They sit her down and start explaining everything to her. I decide that I can be no help to this. I don't know anything about amnesia. Boone, Locke, and I discuss it from a distance.<p>

"You think she escaped?" Boone asks Locke.

"You were right beside me, Boone, you know as much as I do." Locke says.

"Well, where did she come from?" he says. "I mean, we were out pretty deep. Nothing's out there." I see Locke give a small smile. Boone turns to me. "She didn't say anything at all about Ethan?"

"Apparently she doesn't even remember Ethan." I tell him.

"The guy pretends to be one of us," Boone says. "He drags her through the jungle for almost two weeks and she doesn't remember him?

"I know, it's weird. I don't know much about amnesia, but I think this is possible. To block out traumatic events like this," I say.

Boone looks over at Claire. "You think he's around?" he asks, referring to Ethan.

"I sure hope not," Locke replies.


	24. Day 28: Trips, Traps, and Threats

The next morning I talk with Jack, Sayid, Locke, Charlie, and Boone. On the beach.

"The girl is pregnant," Sayid says. "Very pregnant. Are we supposed to believe that she escaped from him?"

"What are you getting at?" Charlie demands.

"Ethan infiltrated us. Whoever he is and wherever he comes from, he's intelligent. Who's to say he didn't even send Claire?"

"You're off your head, mate! That—," I cut Charlie off.

"Charlie, calm down." I turn back to Sayid. "That's a stretch, Sayid."

He turns to Jack "Then tell me, doctor, how many times have you diagnosed actual amnesia and such a selective brand of it?"

"Okay, it's rare," Jack admits. "But she's been through a major trauma. It is possible that her memory reset to the crash."

"And the chances of that memory returning?" Locke asks.

"I don't know," Jack says somberly.

"You know what?" Charlie interjects. "You guys talk about Claire all you want. I'm actually going to go spend some time with her. I get the impression she might still be a tad upset." He starts making his way back to the caves.

Jack and Sayid leave, but Boone and I stay with Locke.

"What do you think?" Boone asks him.

"Same thing I told you last night, Boone," he says. "But now I'm thinking Ethan might be around. Waiting for his chance to attack. He abducted two of us so easily. Who's to say he can't do it again?"

Thirty minutes later Boone offers to head to the caves to get water. I'm sitting by my tent when Locke approaches me.

"Where's Boone?" he asks.

"The caves," I answer. "What's up?"

"Come with me," he says. I get up and follow him over to a patch of low bearing trees on the edge of the tree line. Jack and Charlie are there. Charlie seems to be freaking out and Jack is trying to get him to calm down.

"What happened?" I ask.

"Ethan," Charlie says. "Ethan attacked me. Just now, in the jungle,"

"Why?" I ask intently. "What did he say? Why did he let you go?"

"He said I needed to give Claire back to him! He said if I didn't he'd kill one of us! One of our camp!"

I turn to Locke. "So what do we do?" I ask him.

"What do we do?" Charlie says. "We go out and we bloody kill him!"

"Calm down, Charlie." Locke says. "We don't want the others to get upset and—,"

"Forget the others! He's out there right now, Locke."

"I think he's right," Jack interjects. "The man threatens to kill one of us unless we bring him Claire, and what, we just wait for that to happen? We tracked him once before, we can track him again."

"You both seem to have forgotten how that turned out," Locke points out. "He bested you physically. He hung you from a tree. Running into the jungle unarmed is not going to get the job done."

"So what does get it done?" I ask.

"We circle the wagons, tell a select few about the threat. We post some sentries here and back at the caves."

"Tell a select few?" Jack says. "He does what he says he going to do and that blood's on our hands."

Okay, Jack, we tell everyone," Locke says. "But, you want to protect them, you need to start thinking defense."

"We move everybody off the beach, back up into the caves." Jack suggests.

"What if Ethan isn't alone?" Locke points out. "What if he delivered his threat so that we would gather like sheep to the slaughter in a confined space where they can roll in and take us all in one fell swoop?"

"Okay, John," he says. "Obviously, you have a plan. So, let's hear it."

When he gets back I fill Boone in on Locke's plan. "Are you sure this is gonna work?" he asks me.

"No, not at all," I answer. "But what choice do we have. It's not like we can fight him. We have no intel, no weapons. We don't even know what his motive is or if he's even alone."

We head over to where Locke and Sayid are constructing a trip wire.

"Pull it," Locke instructs Sayid.

Sayid trips the wire and a garbage back full of used soda cans falls to the ground, making a large crashing noise.

"Not bad," Sayid confirms.

"Four of these around the perimeter will do the job," Locke says.

"I have fires prepared at twenty meter intervals," Sayid points out.

"Excellent,"

"Some of the men have volunteered for sentry duty," Sayid informs us. "I'm going to put them on rotating shifts."

"I'll take a shift," Boone volunteers.

"Okay," Sayid agrees hesitantly.

"Absolutely, we're counting on you, Boone," Locke says proudly, clapping him on the shoulder.

This worries me. I want to protest, but I know it will do no good. It's classic Boone, volunteering to help even though it may put his life in danger. Before we were a "thing" I thought it was brave. Now it just seems foolish.

That night Boone and I wait in his tent. I try to get him to sleep, but it's no use. He's too restless. Sayid comes around 3 a.m. "Boone, it's your shift," he says tiredly. Boone and I exit the tent and he grabs a long, sharpened stick from Sayid. He walks me back to my tent and kisses my forehead. I crawl inside and wait for the restless sleep to come.


	25. Day 29: Jungle Boy

The distinct sound of the trip alarm wakes me instantly. Luckily I fell asleep with my boots on and I get up instantly and run to the trap.

I see Locke and Sayid running into the jungle. I can't see Boone anywhere and I follow them into the woods, as fast as my feet will carry me. "Over here! Through the tree line!" Locke shouts. "Something tripped the alarm!"

We keep running, and eventually make it to a clearing where Boone has fallen on the ground, face first. Vincent is there, licking his face. I guess the dog was the one who tripped the alarm.

"I think we found another missing castaway," Sayid says.

I'm about to help Boone up off the ground when we hear a loud scream come from the beach. We all turn and run in the direction.

A man is laying on the beach, his body limp and colorless. I run and drop down beside it, inspecting.

Sayid and Boone as if he's alive and I shake my head. There's no way.

"How did he get past us?" Sayid asks.

"He came in from the water," Locke says, looking out into the ocean.

I start inspecting the man, grabbing his head. Its limp on the neck, telling me it's broken. That must have been how Ethan had done it. I look down the body and notice other oddities. I grab his arm and feel the bones are shattered. I grab the other. "His arms are broken," I say. I notice his fingers. "So are his fingers. All ten. Shattered." Who is this Ethan guy? Why would someone do all of this? "We should get a blanket," I say, noticing everyone approaching, looking at the broken body. Someone brings us blankets and we wrap the body. Boone, Sayid, and Locke carry it over to a small, shaded grove. We dig.

"What was his name?" Locke asks.

"Steve," Boone answers.

"No," I say, whipping my brow. "His name was Scott."

* * *

><p>Eventually we manage to get him buried with makeshift shovels out of bamboo. Hurley conducts a funeral service.<p>

"Scott Jackson worked for an internet company in Santa Cruz. He won a sales prize: two week Australian vacation, all expenses paid. He was a good guy. Sorry, I kept calling you Steve, man. Um, amen, I guess. I-I don't really know how to end these things."

"Amen," the crowd mumbles softly.

I think about Ethan. Now he's hasn't just attempted murder, he's committed it.

What are we going to do?

* * *

><p>I make my way to the caves after the service. On the path there, I'm stopped by Locke. "I need to talk to you," he says.<p>

"What's up, John?" I say. "Got another brilliant plan?"

"Yes, I do," he says. He reaches behind his back. "I assume you know how to use one of these?" He produces a gun. A nine-millimeter from behind is back. The same one Sawyer had. It's not the same one, though, I notice as a grab it. This one is loaded. Sawyer's was out of ammo.

"Where did you get this?" I ask, gripping it in my hand, a familiar feeling returning to it.

"Jack," he says. "Apparently the marshal on the plane had a Halliburton case full of them."

"Full of them?" I asks. "There's more than the one?"

"There's five," he tells me. "Five guns, five people. We'll put Claire in the jungle, tonight. Ethan will make a move to take her, then we strike. Capture him and question him."

"We're using Claire as bait?" I say, unsure of that part of the plan.

"She'll be perfectly safe," he assures me. "We won't let anything happen to her."

"Try telling Charlie that," I say, handing him back the gun.

* * *

><p>"Are you insane?" Charlie says to us at the caves.<p>

"It's the best chance we have, Charlie," Jack insists.

"No bloody way!"

"If you want to capture Ethan, we have to ensnare him. And the only way do that is by giving him what he wants," Sayid prompts.

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Charlie exclaims. "This guy, he will kill all of you. You can't protect her—,"

Claire enters the cave. "Charlie, I can talk for myself," she says, hand on her belly.

"Claire, they want to use you as bait," he says to her.

"I don't remember Ethan," she says. "I don't remember what he did to me. But if I can help stop him from hurting anyone else, I have to do that." Wow, she's a brave one.

"Then I'm coming with you," Charlie says. "You said there were five guns."

"You ever fire a weapon, Charlie?" Locke asks him. Charlie stares at him, then looks at the ground in defeat, then walks away.

Alright," Jack says. "We should do this. Let's figure out a game plan. Sayid, Tia, you're the soldiers. Locke, you're the hunter. We all station at different points in the jungle, all around Claire."

"Charlie's right," Locke says.

"About what?" I ask.

"We have five guns, we should have five men."

"Who else here can handle a gun?" Jack asks. I wonder how he knows how to handle one.

I think of Kate, but I know Jack will protest to that. And then I remember the polar bear. "Sawyer," I say to Jack, expecting him to protest to this as well, but he just sighs.

"I was afraid you'd say that," he says.

We all separate. Boone comes up to me from the spring.

"What are you guys up to?" he asks me.

"I'll tell you later," I say.

I wait for him to challenge me, but he just asks, "Is Locke going with you?"

"Yes," I say.

He nods. "Alright, just be careful."

"I will."

* * *

><p>Sawyer agreed to the plan and supplied Kate with the gun he took from the marshal's ankle, which Jack loaded.<p>

Sayid, Jack, Kate, Locke, Sawyer, Claire, and myself.

"He'll be surrounded at six points. Everyone will be in visual contact with you," Sayid relays to Claire. "Make sure you stay in the area I've shown you. And remember, guns are a measure of the last resort. We want him alive."

* * *

><p>We're all hidden by the trees at different points around Claire. There's no way Ethan would be able to spot all of us. I cock my gun, loading the chamber, and I wait, up in a tree, directly across from Sayid, on the other end of the clearing. It starts to rain, hard, but I can still see Claire.<p>

It doesn't take long. Ethan comes out of the jungle, scratches on his face, covered in dirt, the rain smearing it on his face, which houses a look of pure evil. He starts to chase Claire and she screams. I see Jack bolt from his post toward them, running at full speed.

I make my way down the tree and I'm the first of the group on the ground. I run after Jack, wiping the rain out of my eyes. I catch up and Ethan and Jack are fighting, throwing punches. I notice Jack's dropped his gun, but I don't see it anywhere. I see Claire, standing to the side, crying. I run over to her, as Jack and Ethan continue to struggle.

"Are you alright?" I ask her. She nods vigorously, her eyes not moving from the fight. I turn back and Jack has the upper hand, now on top of Ethan, punching him repeatedly in the face.

Sayid and Locke make it through the clearing. "Over here! Over here!" Locke shouts. "Jack's got him! Hold your fire. Don't shoot. We want him alive."

Sawyer and Kate run towards us. Jack has stopped hitting Ethan and I cover him with my gun as Jack stands up.

"Winner by a knockout. Nice one, Doc," Sawyer says to Jack. "Now, maybe somebody can tell me just who or what this son-of-bitch is!" Ethan starts to stand up and we all point our guns on him. I stay in from of Claire, shielding her. "Uh, uh, uh, jungle boy. Not even for one second." Sawyer warns Ethan.

We're all covering him until…

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Ethan is shot six times in the chest and falls to the ground. Instinctively, I point my gun toward the source of the fire. It's Charlie, who much have grabbed Jack's dropped gun off the ground.

* * *

><p>After dark, I hand my gun back to Jack and make my way over to my tent. Boone is sitting in front, drenched from the rain, which has stopped now.<p>

"We got him," I say. "Ethan. He's dead."

He hugs me and we go to my tent where I fill him in.

"Don't tell Shannon," I say to him. "Don't tell anyone. About the guns."

He agrees and I fall asleep in my damp clothes.

* * *

><p>Later a noise wakes me in the middle of the night. Boone is gone and I peek my head out. Sawyer is running into the jungle, shirt off and barefoot, wielding a metal pipe, chasing something. I'm too tired to deal with it so I close my eyes and go back to sleep.<p> 


	26. Day 30: Shell-Shocked

"Found a bag in the jungle," I say to Sayid the next day. "This was inside, thought you could use it more than me." I hand him a cell phone. He's sitting at his work table, looking at Rousseau's maps again.

"Yo, Sayid, can I ask you a question?" It's Hurley.

"Of course," he answers.

"Did you ever get that Gulf War syndrome?" he asks.

"That was the other side," he says.

"Oh, right. Then what's the one when you're all, like, shell-shocked?"

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder," I answer.

"Yeah, that's it. Did either of you ever have that?"

"I was a candidate for it, but no, I was never diagnosed," I say.

"Why do you ask?" says Sayid.

"Because I'm worried about Charlie."

"What's wrong with Charlie?" I ask.

"I mean, he killed a guy. He shot him in the chest four times. Maybe one of you should talk to him."

Hurley walks away and Sayid and I look at each other.

"You're developing quite a talent," Sayid says to Charlie, who is breaking open coconuts on a pointed stick.

"Yeah, I get it. You two are here to check up on me," he says to us.

"You killed a man," Sayid says as we sit down beside him.

"A man who killed one of us, who kidnapped Claire, who strung me up and left me for dead," Charlie defends. "He deserved to die. I'd do it again in a minute. Pardon me, if I'm fresh out of bad feelings."

"When I was in the army in Tikrit, in Iraq," Sayid offers. "The man who lived next door was a policeman. One day his car was rigged with a bomb. It killed his wife and three young children instead. They caught the man who did it. I volunteered to be on the firing squad, and I did my duty without a single ounce of remorse. Then, for no reason, I found myself waking up at night, replaying what I did in my head."

"It looks like you're the one who needs checking up on," Charlie says.

It's my turn. "The day I was shot, my convoy was ambushed by Afghan Forces. I wasn't ever supposed to see battles or fight. That wasn't my job, but it happened anyway. I hid with two other solders until we were spotted. His gun was pointed right at me, ready to shoot, but I shot first, killing him. Twenty seconds later, I was on the ground, fighting for my life beside the first man I'd ever killed. I didn't voluntarily sleep for days, his face stuck in my mind. I still see it sometimes. He was a man who was going to hurt me, and I couldn't sleep at night because I'd defended myself. Do you understand what we're saying, Charlie?"

"We're saying is that what happened with Ethan will be with you for the rest of your life," Sayid says.

"Any suggestions?" Charlie asks.

"You're not alone," I say to him. "Don't pretend to be."


	27. Day 32: Up In Flames

Boone and Locke decided to continue their "hunting", so this morning I've decided to spend some time with Shannon. I really want us to be cool, but she's just not having it.

"What are you doing today?" I ask her, making conversation.

"Um, helping with the raft," she says, not looking up from her magazine.

Michael has made great progress with his raft. It's a giant behemoth of a thing, mostly made out of bamboo and plane parts. I'm about to respond to Shannon when I hear Sun and Jin on the shoreline.

Sun is in a bikini and Jin is there, trying to cover her with a towel. Jin pushes Sun to the ground and I see Michael intervene. "Hey, hey, hey - get your hands off of her," he says. Jin ignores him and keeps berating Sun. "I swear to god, you put your hands on her one more time—," but Jin cuts him off, poking him in the chest and saying something that's probably not very nice. Michael tells him "Get your hands off me, man," but Sun comes over and slaps him right across the face.

Michael is stunned. I want to get Sun alone and ask her what that was about, but she walks off with Jin back to the caves. Michael just stands there, holding his cheek, looking abashed.

* * *

><p>That night, Kate and I finally get a moment alone with Sun.<p>

"How much longer are you going to let him treat you this way?" Kate says to her.

"Please," Sun begs. "He's my husband."

"Yeah, a husband you're afraid to tell you speak English," she continues.

"We're just trying to understand, Sun," I insist, holding her hand.

"He wasn't always like this," she insists. "He used to tell me how beautiful I looked to him. He was so tender. And then he was different."

"What changed him?" I ask, thinking about my father and how he was before my mother died.

Outside of Kate's tent people start yelling and running down the beach. The three of us get up and follow the commotion.

"Hey, Charlie, what's going on?" Kate asks, grabbing him.

"The raft, it's on fire, look!" He points down the beach and, indeed the raft has gone up in a great amount of flames. Everyone is running toward the fire, trying to throw sand on it to make it stop.

I stay with Sun and Kate but soon Michael comes out of the crowd. "No, no, no," he grieves, watching his hard work disintegrate. He turns to Sun. "Where is he? Where the hell is he?" he yells at her, referring to Jin, I assume.

Sun says something in Korean, keeping her cover, but Michael just asks her again.

"She doesn't understand you, man!" Jack says to him.

"Where is he?" he yells.

"Back off," Kate says, holding out an arm in front of Sun.

"No, her husband did this, and she knows," Michael insists. "You're trying to protect him now, is that it?"

"She was with me and Kate," I say to Michael. "You need to calm down."

Michael notices Walt trying to out the fire with sand. "Walt, hey Walt. Get back. Get back," he says, grabbing Walt and pulling him back.

Walt stars, "I was—,"

"No, no. It's done," Michael says, defeated.

Sun takes off toward the caves. "Sun, wait," I yell at her.

Michael see her running. "I'm going to break his damn neck!" he yells and starts to take after her. Kate and Jack step in to keep him from going after her. I want to run after her, but I know she's going to Jin, and I don't want to break her cover.

"Take it easy, man. We don't know that Jin did this," Jack says to Michael.

"Are you serious?" Sawyer shouts from the side.

"Sawyer, shut up!" Jack tells him.

"Jack, come on, we saw him on the beach this morning," Charlie says.

"That doesn't mean that he torched the raft," Jack defends.

"Yeah, then who did, Jack?" Michael counters. Jack is speechless and can't come up with an answer.

* * *

><p>Later, after the fire calmed down I met up with Boone outside his tent. He was tending him own, much smaller fire, when Sayid came up for a chat.<p>

"What do you want?" Boone asks him unpleasantly as he throws a branch into the fire.

"I'd like to talk to you about Shannon," Sayid says. "It's very possible your sister and I are going to become more than just friends."

"What is this? Some Middle Eastern thing?" Boone asks. "You want my blessing or something?"

"My hope is you won't object," Sayid says, trying to be polite.

"Yeah?" Boone counters.

"Boone," I say to him. "He's trying to be a gentleman. Can't we all just get along?"

Sayid gives me a thankful look, but then turns back to Boone. "I was extending a courtesy, not asking your permission." He starts to walk away, when Boone stops him.

"Let me tell you about my sister," he says. "She likes older men, guys who can take care of her. My guess is, in this place, you fit the bill. She'll make you feel like the greatest guy ever while you get her food, or whatever it is that she needs. And when she gets whatever it is that she wants, she'll move on. When she does, don't take it personally, man."

Sayid nods his head, then walks away. Boone sits down next to me. "Would it kill you to give him a chance?" I ask. "He's not that bad."

"I know," Boone insists. "I just know how Shannon is, alright? This is how she operates."

"Is that how she treated you?" I ask.

"Since we were kids. And I was stupid enough to fall for it most of my life."

I think about this for a minute. Then I say, "I think you should have a bit more faith in Sayid. I have a feeling this might be different."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because Shannon actually got off her ass and worked on the raft today, all to impress Sayid," I recall from earlier.

Boone looks into the fire. "I just don't want her to use anybody else."

I lay my head on his shoulder. "I know," I say softly.


	28. Day 33: English

Sawyer comes out of the jungle, leading Jin, whose hands are tied with a rope. I get up from my seat, running over. I see Sawyer cut Jin free of the binds.

I'm not the only one running. Michael is making a bolt for it, straight at Jin as Jack calls out Michael's name. Hurley runs in front of Michael, cutting him off. Michael yells at Jin from behind Jack and Hurley, accusing Jin of burning the raft. I notice more people running to the scene. Sayid, Charlie, Kate…All there.

"Just calm down, and think about it for a minute," Jack says to Michael, who's still yelling at Jin.

Sawyer intervenes. "Back off, Jack. It's got nothing to do with you."

"Shut it!" Jack yells at him.

Everyone is yelling frantically, arguing about the situation. Jack and Hurley are the only ones trying to keep the peace. Sun arrives, standing to the side of Jack, Michael, and Hurley, just staring at Jin. Jin says something to her, which makes everyone stop yelling.

"What'd he say?" Michael demands. Jin speaks again. "You said something to me?" Michael yells. "Say it again!" Jack tried to stop Michael's advances, but Michael shakes him off. "No, no, no. Say it again, man," he says to Jin.

Jin speaks again. Furious, Michael punches Jin in the face and Jin falls into the sand.

Jack tries to grab Michael, but Sawyer stops him. "Easy, Doc. One fight at a time," he says.

"He's right," Sayid intervenes. "This is between them." Jack finally backs off.

Jin gets up and says something to Michael again. Michael throws another punch, knocking Jin back down. Jin stands back up, his face and mouth covered in blood. He speaks again. Just as Michael begins to throw the third punch, something unexpected happens.

"Stop it! Leave him alone!" Sun cries. Everyone looks at her in confusion, even Kate and I. "He didn't burn your raft." She insists.

"You speak English?" Charlie asks.

"Didn't see that coming," Hurley mumbles.

"You understood us?" Jack asks. "All this time? Why didn't you say anything?"

But Sun ignores him and speaks only to Michael. "Your raft was already on fire when he arrived. He burned his hands trying to put it out."

"Then why did he run?" Michael demands.

Sun turns to Jin and asks him something in Korean. The look on his face, behind the blood, is pure shock.

"Exactly, that's what I thought," Michael says, after Jin doesn't reply.

"My husband is many things," she says. "But he is not a liar."

"You're going to lecture us about lying, Betty?" Sawyer says. "From the look on his face, even your old man here didn't know you speak English. How do we know she's not covering for him?"

"Because she's isn't!" Someone yells from the back of the crowd. It's Locke, walking towards us. "Why would he burn the raft?"

"He's been after me since day one, everybody knows it!" Michael yells.

"Okay, it's personal," Locke says. "But why take it out on our best chance of getting off the Island? Why would any one of us block an attempt to get home? We're so intent on pointing the finger at one another that we're ignoring the simple undeniable truth that the problem isn't here, it's there!" He points out into the jungle. "They've attacked us, sabotaged us, abducted us, murdered us! Maybe it's time we stop blaming us and start worrying about them! We're not the only people on this Island and we all know it!" Locke finishes, then walks away.

"He did not do it," Sun says to Michael, after Locke disappears. Michael just walks away, with Walt in tow. Everyone starts dispersing and I desperately want to say something to Sun. To comfort her, but she's looking at Jin, and I know that they need to have a long conversation. I follow my fellow castaways back up the beach.

* * *

><p>That night, I see Shannon approach Sayid by his fire. They exchange a few words and then they kiss. I think about what Boone said last night. I know Sayid. He's a good man, capable and competent. I've seen how Shannon looks at him. She doesn't stare him down with the pleading eyes she uses on Boone. This is different.<p>

Boone plops down beside me. "I guess that's a thing now," he says.

"Yeah," I reply, but I can't help but be skeptical. "You're not jealous are you?" I say, trying to make it a joke.

He smiles. "Not anymore," he says, leaning down to kiss my lips.


	29. Day 35: Boats and Maps

To distract myself with Boone leaving camp with Locke again, I've been helping build the raft. Honestly, I think it is a pointless endeavor, but Michael is determined to make it work. And it gives my mind something to do other than think about Boone. I'm on my way over to the raft now, when Jack catches me.

"Hey, Tia," he greets.

"Hi, Jack."

"It's been a while since you and I talked."

I stop and think. "Have we ever had a conversation that wasn't about surviving or saving someone's life?"

He laughs. "You've got a point there," he says. We continue walking and he says, "You and Boone have gotten rather close, lately. Where is he today? I'm surprised he's not with you."

"He went out into the jungle with Locke today," I tell him.

"Wow, again. I wonder what they're doing out there."

"They're hunting," I defend. Okay, I know they're not actually hunting. I know there's boar around, because Sawyer was attacked by one six days ago. Kate said they found a whole bunch of piglets, and it would be hard for the boar to move with them. Locke would have killed one by now, with or without Boone.

"If you say so," Jack says. I remember now, why we don't have "regular" conversations. Because he's a condescending ass.

We've made it to the raft. Hurley is there, being instructed by Jin, along with Walt and, of course, Michael.

"Hey," Jack and I greet him.

"How's it coming?" Jack asks.

"It's coming," Michael says.

"As long as nobody sabotages this one, as well, huh?" Jack says.

"I've got people standing guard 24-7. Nobody gets near this with or without intent to burn. Hey, listen, I was thinking, chances of a passing ship spotting this raft out there are pretty slim. We could use something to send out a distress call to any ships that might be close, like an SOS."

"I can ask Sayid," I say. ""But even if he can make something like that he's not going to have anything to power it with."

"Didn't Sayid say that crazy French chick has batteries?" Hurley asks.

"Yeah," Jack says. "I've been meaning to ask him about her actually. Let's go ask him."

Hurley, Jack and I make our way to Sayid's tent in silence. When we get there, Jack speaks first. "Hey, Sayid," he greets.

"Hello, Jack," Sayid says, coming out of the tent. H notices Hurley and I are there as well. "What is going on?" he asks.

"You said the French woman, Rousseau had batteries," Jack says. "Michael needs a power source for a distress signal. For the raft. Can you tell me how to get to her?"

"Absolutely not," Sayid says immediately.

"I'm not asking you to go," Jack says. "I'll do it."

"No, you won't."

"Dude," Hurley says. "We just trying to—,"

"Do you really think she would give up something she needs for survival to a total stranger?"

"All I'm asking is for you to tell me how to find her. That's it." Jack insists.

"I was brought unconscious to her camp," Sayid says. "When I escaped I was disoriented. I don't know how to find her."

"Don't know, dude? Or don't want to?" Hurley asks.

"Sayid, look," I say. "You've got her maps and her papers. Didn't you say that they were pointing to something?"

"Well, I was wrong."

"Well, maybe they're pointing to her." I suggest.

"Look! I don't even know what these papers mean. For all I know they could be the ravings of her disturbed mind - song lyrics mixed with equations!" He grabs some of Rousseau's maps. "If this map is pointing to her, then you should know she resides here, in this area. She gave it a name: _Territoire Fonce_, Shannon translated it. It means Dark Territory. Does that sound like a place you'd like to visit?"

I notice Hurley stare at the papers intently.

"So, you won't help?" Jack asks.

"I didn't say that," Sayid says. "I'll build Michael a distress beacon, but I suggest you find another power source. There must be something in the cockpit."

"We're not going in the cockpit," Jack says, final.


	30. Day 36: Batteries

"What are you up to today?" I ask Boone at the caves.

"Locke said something about a 'net project'. I don't know what that means, but He said he didn't need my help,"

"Well, hey," I say to him, smiling. "That just means you get to hang with me."

He laughs and starts to fill his water bottle.

"Where is it?" someone asks. It's Sayid, walking towards me, looking frustrated.

"Where's what?" I ask.

"The map. I told you, it won't help you find her."

"Whoa, back off man," Boone says to him. He still hasn't completely warmed to the idea of Sayid and Shannon yet.

"Lay off, Boone," I say to him. I turn back to Sayid. "I don't have the map."

"What makes this worse is that you don't even do your own dirty work," he says angrily. "You get Hurley to do it for you."

"Wait, what?" I ask. "What are you talking about?"

"He was in my tent last night, quizzing me about Rousseau, about numbers she wrote. How I came to find her." He pauses and I just stare at him. Boone looks between the two of us. "You don't know anything about this, do you?" Sayid realizes.

I see Jack and Charlie walk past. "Jack, have you seen Hurley?" I ask him

"I did, couple of hours ago," Charlie says. "He was setting out for a walk. Acting like a loon, I might say."

"My god, he's going after her," Sayid realized in disbelief.

"We've got to go after him," Jack says.

"I'll grab my pack," I say. We disperse to get our things. I turn to Boone. "You stay here," I tell him. He's about to protest when I say "Sayid is going with us, which means Shannon will be alone. You two need to talk. Work some things out." He looks disappointed, but I know this is something he has to do. They are still siblings, after all.

* * *

><p>An hour later, Jack, Sayid, Charlie, and I made it to the wire Sayid found on the beach. I notice Hurley's footprints lead into the jungle. "He went that way," I say, pointing.<p>

We follow Hurley's footprints about another mile. We hear a "click" to our right and Sayid points. There's Hurley, staring at the ground, holding the wire from the beach tightly in both hands.

"Don't move!" Sayid says to him.

Hurley starts, "Hey, what are you guys—,"

"I said do not move," Sayid says. "You're standing on a pressure trigger. If you take your weight off it, it will release that." He points above Hurley at a massive bundle of sharp, pointy sticks.

"Oh, man," Hurley exclaims.

"We need to find something to replace his weight with the trigger," Sayid says.

"Replace his weight?" Charlie asks. "How are we going to do that?"

"Hey!" says Hurley, offended.

"Don't move!" Sayid yells at him.

"Hey, everybody, just calm down," Jack says, trying to ease the tension.

"Can I drop the wire?" Hurley asks.

"Maybe if I find a rock or something?" I suggest.

"A big one," Charlie says.

"I'm dropping the wire," Hurley warns us.

"Hurley, no!" Jack shouts. But it's too late. Hurley drops the wire, but luckily, nothing happens.

We stare at Hurley with bated breath. "I can make it," Hurley says.

"Hurley, don't move!" Jack demands.

"I can get out of the way, I'm spry."

"Hurley, stay put."

"Oi! No, wait!" Charlie shouts as Hurley positions his body to jump.

Jack and I both protest, but Hurley ignores us, diving to the side of the pointy-stick-ball and landing on his stomach.

"Hurley, what the bloody hell's wrong with you?" Charlie yells at him.

"Nothing," he answers simply. But Charlie is right. What's going on with him today?

"What are you doing out here, Hurley?" I ask him.

"I came to get a battery."

"Hurley, seriously, what's going on?" I ask.

"Nada," he answers. "You guys coming?"

Sayid sighs in defeat and grabs the wire. "You all want to go? Fine. But perhaps I should take the lead."

"Excellent notion," Charlie agrees.

We trek further into the jungle, Sayid's hands firmly on the wire. After another mile and a half or so, we're forced to stop.

"It stops here," Sayid says. I look at the wire, which is embedded into the dirt. "It goes into the ground. This poses somewhat of a problem."

Charlie has wondered away from the group, to our right. "Guys? You should come see this," he tells us, staring out beyond the trees.

We walk over. It's an old, dilapidated bridge made from wood and rope over a large, deep gorge.

"Whoa," Hurley exclaims.

"You never mentioned anything about a bridge," Jack says to Sayid.

"I never saw this before."

"There's no way she could have built this all by herself." I say.

"No, but her team could have." Sayid suggests.

"Or Ethan's team," says Charlie.

As we're discussing the bridge, Hurley's made his way over to the edge. He puts his foot on a plank of wood, ready to cross.

"Hurley, what are you doing?" Jack says as we all start to protest.

"Relax, I'm just going to check it out. You guys should stay here."

"Hurley, get back here!" Jack demands.

"Dudes, chill," he says to us.

We all watch intently as Hurley starts to cross the bridge. It's nail-biting, watching this man, who is so heavy a weight cross a bridge that looks so worn and almost broken. But, eventually Hurley makes it across and we all let out a sigh of relief. But that sigh is quickly drawn back in as Charlie heads for the bridge.

"Charlie!" Jack warns.

"Hey, if he can do it." Charlie says, nodding his head in Hurley's direction. He starts making his way across the bridge, but about halfway it starts to creak, threatening to collapse.

"Charlie!" I yell as he starts to run to the other side. He barely makes it, flying into Hurley's arms at the last second before the bridge falls down the gorge.

Charlie and Hurley exchange a few words and Charlie turns back to us and yells out a victory "Woo!"

I can't help but smile with relief, but Jack's and Sayid's expressions are not as happy as mine. "Alright," Jack shouts. "You two stay put right there! We're going to find a way around and we'll meet you there!"

"Nah, screw that!" Hurley yells back, waving us off. "You guys stay! There's a path right here, Charlie and me—,"

Charlie is clutching a stitch in his side as he yells "Hurley, will you shut up and listen to Jack! He said stay put! You're acting like a bloody lunatic!"

Jack, Sayid, and I start making our way along the side of the edge of the cliff. Eventually we end up back in the jungle, way out of Hurley and Charlie's sight. I worry about going too far, when Sayid stops. "What?" I ask him.

"This is familiar, this area," he says, motioning around. "We're close."

"How do you know?" Jack asks. "I thought she lived underground?" Jack walks, forward, inspecting the area but then there's a click.

"Jack!" Sayid yells. But it's too late. The three of us are blown backwards by the force of an explosion, its brightness blinding me.

I hate to admit it, but that really hurt! I landed on my back, which knocked the wind out of me. I gasp for air, but it's full of smoke and debris. Sayid crawls over to me. "Are you alright?" he asks.

"Yeah," I say breathlessly. "You?"

"I'll live," he says, helping me to my feet.

"Hell of a security system," Jack notes. "Somebody trips a wire and the whole place blows up?"

We walk over the source of the explosion. Sayid looks over it. "There's nothing here," he informs us.

"No batteries?" I ask.

"Nothing."

"I don't get it," Jack says, confused.

"She knew," Sayid says. "She knew that one day I'd come back and bring others. So she abandoned this place, booby-trapped it, and moved on."

"Moved on where?" I ask.

"I don't know," he says, looking out into the jungle.

We start digging around the blackened wreckage, looking for something that might be salvageable. After a few luckless minutes, Jack says "We need to find Hurley and Charlie and get out of this jungle. I just hate that we're going home empty handed."

I nod in agreement when I hear a rustling in the trees. "Hey!" someone shouts. It's Charlie, running out of the trees. "Hey, someone shot at us, Hurley and me. We were looking for you when—,"

"Rousseau," Sayid says, answering Charlie's unasked question.

"Where's Hurley?" Jack asks.

"I don't know. He was right behind me and then he just, he just wasn't."

"I'll go and find him," Sayid volunteers.

"No, no. We'll all go," Jack says.

"Go where?" someone asks from behind us. It's Hurley, looking completely calm and content.

"Hurley, what the hell happened to you?" Charlie demands.

Hurley just reached behind his back, grabbing his pack and pulling something out. It looks like a small, black cube. "Need a battery?" he says, handing it to Jack. He turns to Sayid. "She says, 'hey'."

* * *

><p>We get back to the beach a few hours later, at dusk. I see Boone, sitting at a fire outside his tent. I drop my pack and sit down beside him. "Trip was a success," I inform him, smiling and pulling my long brown hair out of its ponytail.<p>

"I'm glad," he says.

"What about you? Did you talk to Shannon?"

"Not yet," he says, staring into the fire. "I just…can't. Right now. But I've got plenty of time."

I smile, resting my head in my usual spot on his shoulder. "That you do."


	31. Flashback 4: Force

December 2001, Sacramento, California

"You can't do this!" I screamed at my father. "Why would you do this? Why would you send him away?"

"Donald has a problem, Tia," my father said to me. "He needs Santa Rosa. It's a good place for him."

"He's not crazy! He's sick! He needs rehab, not a mental institution!"

He stood up from his favorite chair, his eyes ablaze with fury. "You are a child, you cannot understand the decisions I make." This was the only time I ever stood up to my father, and I would highly regret it in a few seconds.

"You're a bastard!" I yell at him. "You don't care about me or Donny or Gil! All you care about is your money, your company!"

He had made his way over to me. The next thing I knew, _whack_! His scotch hand flew across my face, sending a blaze of pain to my cheek. I stumbled backward, clutching my face. I could taste blood in my mouth.

"You're right," he says. "You little bastards never appreciated anything I did for you. And you know what?" he yells, his eyes on fire. "You can find your own way to pay for that stupid medical degree! You're a waste of my time, and my money. Next year, when Gil turns eighteen, he's cut off too, and he'll have you to blame." I stare into his lined, wrinkled face with hatred. "Now, get out of my house," he says, waving me off and going over to his wet bar, pouring himself a drink.

So much for Christmas.

* * *

><p>August 2004 San Antonio, Texas<p>

I lay in a hospital bed. I've been here for a week, and my shoulder is numb on drugs. I made them stop giving me morphine. It made me drowsy, and I didn't want to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, he was there. That unknown Arab, his gun pointing at my head. A small red hole in the center of his forehead. I shuttered.

"Samuels," a doctor says to me, peeking his head behind a curtain. "There's a Donald Samuels here to see you." My head jerks up, just a little too fast. Donny? He came all the way to Texas to see me? I know he'd been out of rehab for about a month now. I don't want him to see me like this, but I'm just too excited. It's been so long since I've seen my big brother.

I nod at the doctor, who exits. He returns seconds later, pulling back the curtain. I look for Donny. But Donny's not there.

My father stands in front of me. Donald Samuels, the doctor had said. Donald Samuels _Sr_.

I feel my face contort with hatred. "What are you doing here," I ask him, filling my voice with as much poison as I can muster, given the circumstances.

"I'm moving you," he says, without greeting.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm moving you to a facility in Australia, near Edith," he says, referring to my grandmother, his mother in law.

"You don't have a say in that," I say to him, furious. He still thinks he can still control me, after twenty three years.

"Oh, I think you'll find that I do," he says, giving me an evil grin. I notice his scotch hand shake by his side. "Or I will cut Edith off, and she won't be able to afford care."

This bastard. I thought I was out of his grip. For a whole year, I'd been away, not one letter from him, not a mention of him from Donny and Gil's letters. "Why?" I ask him.

"I lost your mother," he says to me. I try to remember him ever mentioning her before like this. I can't. "I got the phone call, saying you were found in the desert, almost dead. You're not leaving like she did. You're done with the army. Done with guns." He looks at me, his eyes full of something I hadn't seen in seven years: concern. "You _will_ do as I say."

I shrink back into the sixteen-year-old girl in Donny's room, seven years ago. I comply to his wishes.


	32. Day 40: Why Me?

When Boone and Locke got back from their jungle stuff last night, Boone told me Locke had hurt his leg on a stray piece of shrapnel from the plane. I promised Boone I would check it, so today I got up early and caught Locke before Boone woke up. I didn't mind because I had some questions for my hunter friend.

"Morning, John," I greet him, approaching him.

"Good morning, Tia," he says to me, putting on his boot. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Boone said you hurt your leg yesterday. I was wondering if you wanted me to check it out."

"Oh, it's fine," he says to me smiling. "Nice of you to check up on me, though. It's just a small scrape."

"Okay," I say, but I don't move and continue to watch him as he stands up.

"Is there something else?" he asks.

"Um, yeah, actually," I say hesitantly. "I had a question. But before I as it, could you do me a favor?"

"I'll try."

"Could you not lie to me? You don't have to answer the question, if you don't want, but…I'd just like it if you wouldn't lie."

He grins. "That seems very fair," he says.

"The night Boone and I…got together," I start, completely in shock with myself for the fact that I've mustered up enough courage to talk about this with a fifty-year-old man. "The day he spent hunting by himself. He came back and asked me why I hadn't asked him what you two were doing out here, like everyone else."

"Mm-hm," he hums, urging me to continue.

"I answered 'because I trust you' and he said something like 'John said you'd say that'."

"Which I did," he confirms, that grin still on his face.

"I was just wondering why? Why did you want us to, like…get together?" I can't believe I actually forced out those words. This is so awkward, having this conversation and I'm so nervous, it's making me nauseous.

"Because he liked you. And you liked him. And he needed to be free."

"From Shannon?"

"Yes."

I think about this. Then I ask "Is the real reason because you knew I wouldn't ask? About whatever you and Boone were doing?"

He looks at me, thinking, but he simply answers "Yes."

I nod. "So you wanted him with someone who would keep him silent?"

Locke just looks at me.

It takes even more courage to ask him this. "What are you and Boone doing in the jungle, John?"

He sighs. "I'm sorry, Tia. I can't tell you," he says.

I nod my head again. "Alright," I say. "You don't have to tell me. But I'm gonna warn you John, I'm not the only one who's not asking questions, but soon, everyone will be. Jack, Sayid…And they won't just ask you. If they have to, they'll find out themselves. You're not the only one at this camp with tracking skills," I warn. I turn and start walking away and call back to him, "Have a nice hunt."


	33. Day 41: November 1st

**Brace yourselves. This is a long chapter. It can be very vivid at some points and it's emotionally distressing. It was hard to write. I love a good challenge. ;)**

Boone leaves this morning, earlier than usual. He normally says goodbye, but today, he and Locke left before sunrise. I find myself totally distracted today after my conversation with Locke. I decide to start off my day helping Sun in the garden. Sun always helps me clear my thoughts.

As we work, she says to me "You and Boone seem very happy."

I look up at her, surprised. I want to say something about her and Jin. How I'm sorry for her and the way things are going, because the way things look right now, it seems like Jin is taking off on the raft with Michael, Walt, and Sawyer when it departs.

Instead I just say "Thanks," but it must have not been convincing because she asks "Is something wrong?"

"No," I answer. "I'm just…confused."

"About what?"

"Well, I know I said for a long time that I didn't mind, but I want to know what he and Locke are doing in the jungle every day," I admit. "And instead of asking Boone, I asked Locke."

"What did he say?"

"That he couldn't tell me."

She looks confused. "So they're not hunting boar?"

Crap. I blew their cover. "Please don't tell anyone!" I blurt. "Not even Kate. I promised I wouldn't say anything! I don't know what they're doing, but it's not what they're telling everyone."

"Don't worry," she says. "I won't tell anyone. You kept my secret. I'll keep your's."

I sigh with relief. "Thank you, Sun."

She smiles. "I think you need to ask Boone," she says.

"What?"

"Tonight, when they get back. I think you should as Boone what they've been doing. Not Locke."

I decide that she's right. The rest of my gardening time, I contemplate every scenario in my head of mine and Boone's upcoming conversation.

* * *

><p>Evening fell and Sun and I headed to the caves to get water. I realized that Boone would be back soon, and the thought of our upcoming conversation made me nervous. Did I even want to know what they were doing? How come it didn't matter until today?<p>

Sun and I are filling up our bottles at the spring near the infirmary. "Jack!" I hear someone yell. I recognize Locke's voice and wonder what's wrong. I turn around and see Locke carrying Boone on his back, heading to the infirmary. Jack instructs him to lay Boone on the cot. He's awful. There are cuts all over his face and arms. Jack rips open his tee shirt. Underneath are gaping wounds, scarlet with blood. I hear Kate gasp, but I can't take my eyes off. My reflexes have shut down. I can't move, I can't think. I can only look and listen as Jack and Locke talk.

"What happened?" Jack asks.

"There was an accident," Locke answers. "Boone fell off a cliff out near the place we were hunting."

"Kate get out of here," Jack says. "Tia, I'm going to need some water, shirts, towels, anything that I can use to staunch the bleeding." I don't respond. I can't move. "Tia!" he shouts, bringing me back to life. "Now, please! Can you do this?"

"Yeah," I answer, determined. "Yes, I can do this." It takes everything I have but I move, grabbing everything I can from a stray suitcase in the infirmary. "I can do this," I say, one more time to myself.

"John, tell me exactly what happened," Jack says. But there's no response. "John? Locke? Locke?" but he's disappeared. God knows where.

Jack turns back to Boone, taking a tee shirt from my arms and bunching it up over the massive wound on Boone's chest. "Hold this," Jack says to me and I grab it, pushing down as hard is necessary. "We've got to move the cot," Jack says to everyone else. Kate, Hurley, and Sun all help him lift the cot and move it to a more open section of the caves, while I continue to press down on Boone's chest.

Jack is giving everyone instructions. "Sun, I need the scissors in the top drawer of the cart. Diapers in the second. Hand those to Tia. Hurley, grab me that first class seat from up there. Also, I need that mesh. We need to create some kind of sterile—Hurley I swear to god, if you faint!"

"No. First class, mesh. I'm cool" he says.

"Kate, I need you to get to the beach. Ransack Sawyer's stuff. I want his alcohol, rubbing, scotch, all of it."

I'm still pushing the diapers on his chest. Something happens. I look at his face. His eyes are wide with shock. Their bright blue that I've come to know so well is gasping for breath that it can't get. "Jack, his lung just collapsed," I inform him.

Jack moves to his supplies and grabs some peroxide, a small tube, and a long, metal spike. He places the point of the spike over Boone's lung and I brace myself for the stab.

_Pop_! Boone breathes in the new air, letting his lung expand. "Good, Boone, that's good. Good job. Alright, a little bit of tube in that and you're going to be just fine." Jack says to him. Jack turns to Kate. "What are you still doing here? The alcohol, Kate! You want him to live? Get to the beach, now!" he yells. Kate dashes for the beach.

As Jack puts the tube into Boone's chest I want so badly to grab Boone's hand. Just to let him know that I'm here, that I'm with him. He's in complete shock and there's no way to tell if he can even hear us.

Jack moves to Boone's leg, ripping open the pants leg to get to it. "It hurts," I hear Boone mutter. He's coming out of the shock. I realize that there's no anesthetic, nothing to keep him sedated. It's going to be a long, and painful night. "It's a closed fracture but I think I can set it," Jack says.

"His chest," Sun says beside me. "The wound. Can you, ah, sew him?"

"He's lost a lot of blood. I wonder how far Locke had to carry him." Boone keeps mumbling about how much it hurts, most of it incoherent. "Boone, listen to me," Jack says, right above his face. "Listen! You are not going to die. I'm going to fix this, okay? I am going to save you."

I want to punch him in the face for saying that. He's a doctor, and knows full well how this could end. I promised myself one thing when I chose 91-Bravo Medic in the army. I would _never _promise someone that I could save them. Ever. You can't make promises like that. Sometimes you can't fix everything. But at the same time, seeing the determination on Jack's face, my hope for Boone's life is lifted, just a tiny bit, knowing that Jack will do whatever it takes to keep him alive. And I wonder if he's saying that for Boone's benefit, mine, or his own.

Jack leaves the leg for now, and moves to the chest, with me. "Sun," he says. "I have needles and thread it the top drawer where you got the scissors. I need them." She retrieves the supplies. "On the count of three," he says to me. I nod. "One, two, three." I lift the diapers and tee shirt to discover that they've helped staunch the bleeding of the giant wound. Jack starts sewing, instructing me to pour and dab peroxide when needed.

It takes a long time, but Jack eventually gets it done with sweat dripping off his nose. Through the whole thing, Boone kept muttering "I'm sorry," over and over again. I wish I knew who he was apologizing to. I want it to be me. For not telling me what they were doing. For saying it was safe when it clearly wasn't. For letting me trust John Locke, even though he lied about hunting boar again, right in front of me. Any of these would be great, but I know that's selfish to want right now, and I try to push the thoughts to the back of my head, concentrating on Jack's instruction.

Jack finishes and cuts the thread, handing it to me with the scissors. He grabs Boone's face and says "He needs blood."

"What?" I ask, confused.

"Blood. A transfusion."

"How will you do that?"

"I don't know," he says skeptically. "I'll figure it out. After I set the leg." He makes to start covering it in peroxide.

"Let me," Sun offers. Jack tries to protest, but she insists. "Let me. Get some air." She turns to me. I'm just looking at Boone's face. "You too," she says.

I nod, get up, and walk over to the spring, not taking my eyes off him until the last possible second.

Charlie comes up to me. "Are you alright?" I look at him. I've managed to hold it in this whole time. Managed to keep my thoughts mostly clear, but that question sets me off. I shake my head "no" and fall to the ground, my knees hitting the rock below me with the weight of my body. For the first time since the army, that negative thought passes through my mind: _I can't do this_. "Where's Shannon?" Charlie asks me. "No one can seem to find her."

Oh my god. Shannon! I can't believe I forgot about Shannon! I look up at Charlie, his face full of concern. "I have to go find her," I say, standing.

"No," Jack says on my right. "I need you here."

"She needs to know! I have to—,"

"No!" Jack shouts. "Tia, do you want him to live, or not?"

That's enough to make me stay. I fall back onto my knees in defeat. Charlie comes over by my side. "We'll send someone out to look for her. It's gonna be okay," he says, putting his arm over my shoulder, side hugging me the same way I did him the day he saved Jack from the collapsed cave.

The way I used to hug Donny.

* * *

><p>Charlie sent out a few people to look for Shannon and we return to work shortly after. Jack examines Boone's leg. It's obviously messed up. I remember Jack said it was a fracture. It's incredibly swollen. I hold Boone's hand as Jack does this, even though Boone is so out of it, he doesn't even realize that I'm here. Jack's decided to set the leg. To twist it back into place. This terrifies me, as there is so much that can go wrong.<p>

Sun had left briefly, but she's returned now, holding something in her hand. She says to Jack, "Give him this…for the pain."

"I think we're a little beyond herbal remedies here," Jack says to her.

"It is not a remedy," she says, putting the thing in between Boone's teeth. It's a small stick, wide enough for him to bite down on. I thank her with my eyes.

"I need you two hold to his shoulders," Jack instructs. I let go of Boone's hand and grab his right shoulder. Sun grabs the left. Jack looks between both of us, ready to move. "Here we go."

_SNAP_!

Boone's yells encompass the whole campsite. It's an awful thing to hear, but Sun and I keep him held down as Jack secures the leg with a binding.

* * *

><p>"Ask him again." Jack says to me.<p>

"He's in shock," I say, dabbing Boone's sweating forehead with a washcloth.

"That's why you need to ask him again."

I lean over his head, speaking into his ear. "Boone, can you hear me?" I say, trying with all my might to keep my voice steady. "What's your blood type?" He continues to shake, his ragged breathing the only thing escaping from his lips. "Boone, please listen. What's your blood type?" I ask again.

"Damn it," Jack curses from his seat. He's trying to carve a needle out of bamboo for the transfusion, but even I know that's hopeless.

"Maybe a smaller piece?" Sun suggests.

"Veins are like a wet noodle," Jack says. "First you have to find one, then you have to have a hollow needle sharp enough to actually pierce it. I've got bamboo!" He throws it onto the ground. "None of it actually even matters because I don't know his blood type, not to mention that his injuries—,"

"A…negative," Boone whispers so faintly I'm not even sure I heard it right.

"Boone, what'd you say?" Jack asks him. But he just mutters something about Shannon and the plane. "Did you hear A-negative?" Jack asks Sun and I. We both nod. "Get Charlie," he says to Sun. "Ask everyone you can find, everyone, what their blood type is. A-negative, okay?" Sun nods, and runs out of our covered spot.

"And find his sister," I call after her. "Find Shannon!"

"What are you?" he asks me. "You're blood type?"

"AB-positive," I say. "I'm no use."

* * *

><p>Fifteen minutes later I hear Charlie and Jack outside of the tent above Boone's jagged breathing.<p>

"I found an A," Charlie says.

"Positive or negative?"

"She doesn't know. I also found two B-positives and one AB-negative. At least, he thinks so."

"Did you find any O-negative?"

"Sun said A-negative."

"Where is she?" Jack asks.

"We split up. I thought she'd be back here."

"You only asked 4 people?"

"I asked the whole sodding camp! No one knows their blood type. I don't know my bloody blood type!"

Jack reenters the makeshift tent, closely followed by Sun.

"Did you find Shannon?" I ask her.

"No. I was getting you this," she says to Jack, setting down a small cooler. I can't see what's inside, but she reaches in and pulls something out. "A hollow needle sharp enough to pierce a noodle." She says, presenting him with a long, black urchin spike.

Jack pokes his finger with it. "It's perfect," he says.

"Not to rain on your proverbial parade," Charlie says from the door of the tent. "But I thought you said we needed someone who was A-negative."

"Or O-negative," Jack says.

"Right, which judging by your tantrum, no one is," Charlie says.

"Someone is," Jack says. Oh no…

"You?" Charlie asks. "Why'd you make—,"

"O-neg is universal donor. It's in the ballpark, it's not a match. My blood could put him into anaphylactic shock. Stop his heart."

"You mean he'll die?" Charlie asks.

I can't help it. A small gasps escapes my throat. Jack grabs my shoulder in what I'm sure is meant as a comforting gesture. "He's not going to die," he tells us. He lets go of my shoulder and makes to start fixing a blood transfusion tube.

* * *

><p>It doesn't take long to get Jack set up, and soon I've managed to trap one of his veins with the urchin spike. Jack does the same for Boone and it begins.<p>

There's rustling outside of the tent. Jin and Charlie enter, with Jin in a frantic state. He and Sun exchange a look, but he soon starts talking. I make out "Claire" at the end of his speech.

"Claire? What about Claire?" Charlie asks.

Jin speaks and Sun translates. "He says Claire's with Kate. She's in labor. Just off the beach."

This could not have happened at a worse time.

"Claire's having the baby?" Charlie asks Jin, starting to panic. "Where, where?"

Sun and Jin exchange words and Sun says "He says he thinks she's okay, but she's in pain."

"Does he know how fast the contractions are coming?" Jack asks, looking faint, his words barely starting to slur.

Sun asks then translates "Every two minutes."

"Is she nauseous? Can she stand? Is there any bleeding? Did her water break?" Jack asks all of these questions which Sun translates to Jin.

"No, none of that, but she can't move," Sun translates.

"We should go," Charlie says frantically. "What do we need? Towels, bandages, hot water? How do we take hot water?"

"I'm sure you'll figure all that out, alright," Jack says, then turns to Sun "You tell Jin to take Charlie with him and go back to Claire."

She does and Charlie continues his questioning. "Uh, I know. That, that dilating thing? How do I look out for that?"

"Charlie, listen to me," Jack says. "Tell Kate to wait until the contractions are sixty seconds apart, you got that? Now, she's going to need to make sure that Claire pushes, but not too hard, not too fast. Just until the head is clear. And then, as hard as she can. When the baby is out make sure she clears its nose and its mouth."

"Yeah, but, you'll be there by then, right?"

"No, I'm not going anywhere. I need to stay here."

"What about Tia?" Charlie asks. "You can do it, can't you?"

"Charlie, she's an army paramedic. She works trauma cases, not pregnancies. She's no better at this than you. Now, you tell Kate she's going to have to deliver this baby."

I'm usually pissed when people speak for me, but he's right. I can feel my adrenaline rush wearing off and my energy starting to crash. My body protests as it knows sleep is nowhere in sight. I'm glad I didn't have to defend my lack of know-how, just this once.

* * *

><p>"Get some air," Jack says to me. I notice his pale face and his sunken eyes. He's given a lot of blood. I start to protest but he says "You're no good to Boone if you're this exhausted. Go take a break." I let go of Boone's hand and walk out of the tent.<p>

I sit by the spring, letting the small splash of the trickling water jump onto my skin and my shirt. How did this happen? Locke said they were hunting, but I know that they haven't been hunting. He also said he fell from a cliff. That is also not true. Boone's injuries were not from a fall. Falls shatter bones. They break nerves. Boone has a fracture. Something crushed his leg. Something fell on top of Boone. What could they have possibly been doing for the last two weeks that would allow Boone's leg to get crushed like this? Nothing at all comes to mind. Locke didn't have any of these injuries, so why does Boone? I can't answer any of my questions. None at all.

"Boone? Hey, Boone?" I hear Jack say.

I'm on my feet immediately, running into the tent. "Did he wake up? What did he say?"

"What's the hatch?" Jack asks me.

"The what?"

"The hatch? Boone just said something about a hatch and a plane."

"Like a hatch _on_ a plane?"

"I don't know, Tia. I'm asking you." His sunken eyes stare me down.

"You think he told me anything?" I say. "Well, he didn't. I never asked him too. And I feel like absolute crap about it right now. These are questions for Locke, not me."

He grabs a breath. "I'm sorry," he apologizes. "He said something about a hatch and a plane. The plane fell. Locke told him not to tell anyone."

"Well that's all news to me, except the Locke part," I respond, still irked that he thought I'd been keeping secrets. "All I knew is that they weren't really hunting like they said they were. That's it."

"And you didn't tell anybody?"

"I told Sun." This morning. I leave that last part out.

* * *

><p>"Jack this isn't working," I tell him, his arm still attached to Boone's. "His breathing's slowing down."<p>

"The blood's not the problem. It's the leg. All the blood's pooling there…compartment syndrome. He didn't get this injury from a fall. Something crushed his leg."

I nod, agreeing. Sun is there and she rips the transfusion tube out of Jack's arm, cutting off the blood supply.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"You've given him enough," she says.

Jack gets up and walks out of the tent. Outside I can hear him say "Hurley?"

"Whoa, dude. You alright, man? You're looking kind of Goth," Hurley says to him.

"Where's Michael?" Jack asks.

"The beach, I think."

"I need you to go get him for me, okay?"

"What for?"

"Just get him."

Sun and I exchange a confused glance. What can Michael do right now?

* * *

><p>Boone is getting worse. His breathing is all but gone.<p>

Sun helps me as I try to keep Boone cool with a washcloth.

I notice Michael has arrived and he and Jack are standing over by the cargo hold. Sun gets up and approaches them "What are you doing?" she asks. I can see and hear everything from the tent over Boone's soft, ragged breathing.

"The right leg is filling with blood. If I don't stop it I won't be able to save him." Jack says. I look at the leg. He's right. It's swollen blue with blood.

Sun starts "You don't mean that—,"

"The leg is dead," Jack tells her. He puts a log on the base of the cargo hold door. He and Michael push it down. It breaks in half with a loud _crunch_. "There's no other choice," he insists.

I know that he's right, as much as I don't want it to be true. He can't save Boone if that leg is taking all of his blood. Michael and Jack get the cargo hold ready, covering it in peroxide.

As the men make their way over to pick up Boone, I try to give him some water. I pour it into his mouth, but he coughs it back up. I catch the water with the washcloth, but something's wrong. Boone isn't coughing up water. He's coughing up blood. Sun notices this and tries to tell Jack. My tired body sinks back into shock at the situation. He can't be saved. There's nothing we can do.

Jack ignores Sun's protests as he and Michael lift Boone onto a makeshift stretcher.

"Why are you doing this? He's bleeding inside. You're not helping him! You can't save him, Jack. You just can't!" I hear her words, but my mind rejects them as untrue statements. Why would she say that? We can take him over to the base hospital. We can…

I'm delirious with exhaustion.

"Don't tell me what I can't do!" Jack yells at Sun and I'm reminded of a certain hunter. Locke. John Locke. He did this. "Okay," Jack says to Michael. "One, two three, go!" they move Boone over to the cargo door. My body moves like a ghost as I follow them and watch Jack wrap a tourniquet around Boone's leg.

"You don't need to see this," Jack says to Michael.

"If you need me, shout," Michael says before leaving.

"Tia, you should leave," he tells me.

"Rule number one: never leave a man behind, Samuels," my mouth says without my permission. "Whatever you do, you don't leave a man behind. If you leave a man behind, I swear to god, I'll kill you myself, Samuels. Do I make myself clear?"

As I'm saying these things I hear Jack yell at Sun over my soft voice "Get her out of here. Get her some water. She's delirious."

That brings me back. I shake my head, ripping my arm out of Sun's grasp. I walk over to Jack. "No. I'm not leaving him," I say robotically. "You can do whatever you want. You can keep trying to save him. But I'm not leaving him. Not for a second."

Jack looks at me with wide eyes. I bend down and grab Boone's hand, squeezing hard. Sun is gone. Jack braces himself for the fall of the cargo door, when…

"Wait. Wait." It's Boone, awake again. My eyes dart from his leg to his face. His eyes are opened again. Blue and brilliant, just the way I like them. But they're far away. They're not the same.

"I have to," Jack says. "If I don't—,"

"I'm all messed up inside. You know it. Tia knows it." I feel his hand give mine a small squeeze.

"This is our best chance," Jack insists.

"There's no chance. Really. I mean, look where we are." His eyes dart around the cave, slowly.

"I'm not going to let you give up."

"I know you made a promise," Boone says to him. "I'm letting you off the hook. Let me go, Jack."

"I'm sorry," Jack says, tears welling in his eyes.

"Don't be,"

Boone's eyes turn to me. "I don't think I've ever seen you cry."

"Don't get used to it," I joke. My adrenaline is back, coursing through me one last time to let me have this last conversation with the man I love.

"You know, if we'd ever gotten out of here, I'd take you to this restaurant in L.A. The waiters are real snobs, but the food is amazing."

"Yeah?" I say, tears running down my face. I blink them away because they fog my vision of him. "What else?"

"I don't know. I never got past that."

I laugh a gross, wet laugh. "I love you, Boone," I say to him, letting this one last truth slip from my lips. "I love you."

He starts gasping. "Tell Shannon…Tell her… Tell Shannon…,".

He lets out his last breath. My tears stop immediately. His brilliant blue eyes stare at the cave's canopy of leaves, not really seeing anything. Jack is still behind me. I had forgotten all about him. He closes Boone's eyes.

I can't help it. I fall into Jack's arms, crying more than I've cried since my mom died. More than I've ever cried in my life. Jack doesn't stop me. I felt the tears stop and my breathing even out and eventually, I wasn't crying anymore. I vaguely feel Jack pick me up and carry me to a cot. I feel my head hit a pillow.

* * *

><p>I dream about my mom. About mint chocolate chip ice cream and warm strawberries in summer time. I dream about a park bench with my mom sitting in the middle, surrounded by Donny, Gil, and Gran. My father is there, even. No trace of scotch hand. No winkles or scowls. I'm walking towards them when I wake, breaking the paradise.<p> 


	34. Day 42: Losing My Temper With the Lies

The sound of loud gasping wakes me. I open my eyes not lifting my head. Shannon is in the infirmary cave, crying loudly. What happened?

Then it hits me.

Boone is dead. Gone forever, like my mother, like Gibbs. Just gone, in the blink of an eye.

Death is such a bitch.

Shannon doesn't stop crying for what seems like hours. I can't bring myself to go comfort her. I'm still mourning, in my own way. At least I got to say goodbye. She was off gallivanting who knows where. I can't talk to her. Not yet.

When Shannon has calmed down Sayid comes up to her and sits down. "Is there anything I can do for you?" He asks. "Sun said he wouldn't let Jack take his leg. He didn't want him using up the antibiotics. She said he knew what was happening to him. That he was brave."

It's nice of Sun to say those things.

* * *

><p>I'm at Boone's funeral. I finally got the strength to get out of bed, but I haven't talked to Shannon.<p>

"Shannon? Do you want to say something?" Jack asks.

"No," she says, shaking her head softly.

Jack turns to me. "Tia?" I haven't spoken at a funeral since my mom died. There's so many things I want to say, but I just can't bring myself to utter them, to this group of people, who most of the time thought he was a waste of space, a nuisance. I'm being bitter and I don't know why. I shake my head "no".

"I didn't know Boone very well, and for that I am sorry," Sayid says from the side, away from Shannon. "On our sixth day here a woman named Joanna died. She drowned. And Boone was the first one into the water. I didn't know him, but I remember his courage. And I know he will be missed."

He couldn't have said anything better.

"It was my fault," I hear a voice call from the side of the group. Its Locke a short distance away, but far enough that he has to yell. Seeing him makes my blood boil. He did this. He's the reason we're all here at the grave yard. "We found a plane, a Beechcraft, in the jungle. It was lodged in the canopy so—I would have gone up, but I—my leg was hurt so he—there was a radio inside and he thought he could—look, his weight must have made the plane shift and it fell—and—it happened because he was trying to help us. He was a hero."

I can't believe he has the audacity to show up here. Jack starts advancing on him, his fists balled in fury. "Where were you? Where were you? Where the hell were you, you son of a bitch?" Jack runs at Locke, tackling him to the ground, but in Jack's anemic state, he can't do much fighting. "What did you do to him?" Jack screams as Sawyer and Charlie pull him off Locke. "Where were you? You left him to die! You lied to me! Where were you?" Jack continues to yell, but grows weaker with every word. Kate, Charlie, and Sawyer try to get him to calm down, but Jack collapses into the sand.

* * *

><p>Kate's taken Jack to her tent to rest. I'm sitting outside my own, sharpening a stick with a knife. It feels good to hurt something, even though it can't feel pain. Wow, that was a dark thought. I shove it to the back of my mind.<p>

"Hello." It's Sayid. "Would you mind if I sit?" he asks.

"Knock yourself out," I mutter, slicing another streak into the wood.

"How are you?" he asks me. "You didn't speak at the funeral."

"That's because I didn't feel like it was my place. If Shannon didn't want to say anything, I'm not getting in her way, making it seem like I knew him better than she did. I didn't." _Slice_.

"I'm going to ask Locke to take me to this Beechcraft he spoke of. I was wondering if you would like to come."

"What about Shannon? Shouldn't you be checking up on her, not me?"

"This was Shannon's idea. She wants the truth. Don't you?"

I look at him fiercely. "You think Locke is gonna give you the truth about what happened? You're out of your mind."

"I may not be able to get the truth, but I will be able to spot the lies. Will you come with me? Please?"

* * *

><p>I follow Sayid into the jungle and we make our way to the caves, looking for Locke. We find him, ringing out his blood-soaked shirt with water. Boone's blood. There's still some of it caked under my fingernails. It's stained my white shoelaces. It's everywhere. It won't go away.<p>

"How did you get that?" Sayid asks him, pointing to a scar on his bare back.

"War wound," he answers.

"That's a surgical scar," I accuse.

"Like I said, war wound."

"The plane's radio?" Sayid starts. "Was Boone able to pick up a signal?"

"I was on the ground, all I could here was static."

"But it was working?"

"Yeah, but I can't imagine it survived the fall."

"Some of its parts might work in the transmitter I'm building for the raft. If you'd be willing to take me?" Wow, he's good. Then I remember he's an Iraqi interrogator.

"Of course," Locke responds.

"Tia is coming with us," Sayid says. "I hope that won't be a problem?"

Locke looks at me. "Of course not," he says.

* * *

><p>Not long after we were in the jungle, headed for the Beechcraft. "How did you find this plane?" Sayid asks Locke.<p>

"Luck."

"If you and Boone weren't hunting, what have you been doing for the last two weeks?" I ask him.

"You weren't hunting?" Sayid asks. Whoops. I probably should have filled him in.

"We were exploring," Locke says. "That's all Tia. The big mystery."

Liar. The look on Sayid's face confirms it. I'm about to accuse, but Sayid speaks first.

"So you just happened upon a Beechcraft perched in the trees?"

"Yep."

"At the funeral you said your leg was injured."

"It was just a charlie-horse. A cramp."

"I know what a charlie-horse is, John," Sayid says.

"Back in Iraq you were an interrogator."

"Is that a question?"

"Yeah," Locke laughs.

"A long time ago I was."

"Well, you haven't lost your touch."

"Why would I interrogate you, John?" Sayid asks, innocently.

Locke stops walking to face Sayid and me. "Jack called me a liar in front of every man, woman and child I've come to know over the past month. Maybe there's a part of you that thinks maybe there isn't a plane out here at all."

"I know when I'm being lied to," Sayid says. "There's a plane."

We pass through a break in the trees and into a clearing. On the ground, upside down, a large yellow Beechcraft lays on the ground, broken. "Like I said, you haven't lost your touch," Locke says.

All around the ground are broken pieces of plaster. I see one that looks intact. It's a miniature statue of the Virgin Mary. "What are these?" I ask.

"Break it open. See for yourself." I've never been very superstitious, but breaking a Virgin Mary statue? Oh, what the hell? It can't get any worse. I throw it onto the ground and stomp on it with my foot, breaking it. Something ball-shaped squishes under the sole of my boot.

Sayid comes over and bends down to pick up a little brown bag. I bend down next to him. He opens the bag, sticking his finger inside and tasting a small bit of the substance. "Heroin," he informs me.

"The cargo hold is full of it. The best I can figure it, they were smugglers." Locke says.

"The plane was perched in the canopy?" Sayid asks.

"Right up there." Locke point up to a large cliff.

"And Boone climbed up by himself because of your charlie-horse?" Sayid asks.

"Yes, that's right."

"Why did you lie to me and Jack?" I ask.

"I made a mistake."

Sayid breaks the building tension. "I'm going to salvage what I can of the radio. If we leave now we should beat the storm back." I look at the sky. Yeah, those clouds are pitch black.

"Why don't you two trust me?" Locke asks.

"For one thing, you've been carrying a gun you've told no one about."

I turn to Locke quickly, surprised at Sayid's accusation. Locke pulls a gun out of his pocket and hands it to Sayid. "We found one of the smugglers about a half a click west of here dressed as a priest with Nigerian currency in his pockets, and this. Now you're armed and I'm not. Does that earn me any trust?"

"You gave this to me because I caught you concealing it. That earns you adaptability," Sayid says.

"Okay, I'll tell you something you don't know."

"Please do," Sayid offers. Now we're getting somewhere. Is he going to tell us about this "hatch"?

"The first week after the crash there was a cave in. Jack was trapped. Do you remember that?"

"Of course," Sayid says. I nod in agreement.

"You, Kate, and Sawyer went out into the jungle to try and triangulate a signal," Locke says to Sayid. "You were hit from behind, knocked unconscious? When you woke up your transceiver, your equipment was destroyed. That was me."

Sayid pushes me out of the way, grabbing Locke by his shirt and pinning him to the side of the plane, the Nigerian's gun to Locke's throat. "This is one time you'd better not be telling the truth," Sayid threatens.

"I did what was in everyone's best interest!" Locke chokes out.

"You ruined my chance to find the source!"

"The source of a distress call that kept saying they're dead, it killed them all, over and over? Is that a place you really want to lead people to?"

Sayid backs off, but keeps the gun pointed at Locke. "Why wait all this time? Why not tell me then?"

"Because back then you wouldn't have engaged in reasonable debate, and nobody else would have. You were all so focused on getting off the Island that you weren't seeing things clearly. It's like what's happening now with the raft.

"Did you burn the raft, John?" Sayid asks, still pointing the gun.

"No, Sayid, I didn't."

"Ask him," I say to Sayid. I'm tired of waiting.

"Ask me what?" Locke says, confused.

"What is the hatch?" Sayid asks him.

"The hatch?"

"Yes, the hatch! Boone mentioned it before he died!" I yell. I'm losing my temper.

"A hatch?" Locke asks again. Sayid cocks the gun, impatient. "Two hatches on a plane, Tia, could be forward or aft," he answers.

I know he's lying and I can tell Sayid does too. But he lowers the gun, anyways, deciding that Locke isn't a threat. At least not right now.

* * *

><p>We get back to camp an hour later. Sayid fills Shannon in on what happened with Locke. He's decided that Locke had no intention of hurting Boone when they went out yesterday. I agree, but in my mind that doesn't mean it's not Locke's fault. I know Boone wouldn't have climbed that cliff unless there was a reason. Sounds to me like his reason was John Locke.<p>

I sit outside my tent, pouring water onto my sweating back. The oncoming storm has made it really humid. I notice shoes in front of me. I look up and see that they belong to Shannon. "Hi," I say, trying not to sound surprised.

She sits down beside me. "Thank you," she says. "For going into the jungle with Sayid and Locke."

I nod. "It wasn't a problem."

We sit in silence for a moment until Shannon says, "So, remember when you guys caught that Ethan guy?"

"Of course."

"You all had guns. Tons of guns—,"

"We had six. That's it."

"Those are safe right?" she asks me. "Like, Locke can't get to them, right?" She's trying to sound concerned. Worried. I see right past it. This is Shannon's brilliant plan to figure out how to get a gun. It's why she's asking me about this and not Sayid. He'd see through this instantly and she doesn't expect me to.

She wants to kill John Locke.

I run through the possibilities of Shannon with a gun, pointed at Locke. I assume that, if it came down to it, Shannon would not pull the trigger, no matter how badly she wanted too.

I decide that she's a grown woman, only three years younger than me. If she wants to get a gun so badly, she should have a chance. "Jack keeps the guns hidden behind some shrubbery and a rock over there," I say, pointing. "They're inside a Halliburton case. You can't get into it without the key. But, don't worry," I say. "Jack keeps it around his neck 24/7. Locke can't get it."

I am fully aware Kate has knocked Jack out with sleeping pills earlier to get him to rest. I told her to.

Shannon gets up from her spot and heads over toward Kate's tent, just like I thought she would.

* * *

><p>It starts to rain. I see Jack, Kate, and Sayid, making a move for Locke's usual campsite in the jungle. I get up and run after them. I see Jack fall and Kate stop to help him. Sayid keeps running and I follow. We break the trees and see Locke with his hands in the air. "She doesn't believe me, Sayid," he says.<p>

Shannon stands in front of him, holding the gun pointed at his chest.

"Shannon," Sayid shouts over the rain. "Shannon, please listen to me."

"He did it! I know it!" she yells.

"You're not thinking rationally. You've never fired a gun before."

With that being said, she fires the gun right beside Locke's feet. The blast makes me jump.

"Shannon, you don't want to do this," Sayid tells her.

"Yes, I do!"

"If you do it, you can never take it back."

Jack and Kate run up, stopping beside me.

"Stay back!" Shannon screams at Locke. "What did you do to him?"

"I told you it was an accident."

I'm starting to rethink my original thoughts on this matter. Shannon may actually fire that gun. "Shannon…," I prompt her.

"Tia, you told me where to get the guns! You wanted this to happen." Crap. Busted.

Jack and Kate stare at me, but I see Shannon make the move. She fires the gun as Sayid tackles her, straying her bullet, missing Locke who falls to the ground, out of the way. I'm stunned. I never thought she'd actually shoot.

"I'm sorry," Sayid says to her.

"Don't. Get away." She protests, walking away.

Sayid chases after her. "Shannon!" They're gone in seconds.

"Why'd you do that, Tia? Why'd you tell her how to get the guns?" Jack asks.

I turn to Locke who's still on the ground, a bullet graze on his forehead, and seeing him there brings out all of the emotion I've been holding back today. "Because it's his fault!" I yell, unable to stop myself. "He's the reason Boone's dead. I wanted him to know what he'd done! To know how much he'd hurt me and Shannon! I wanted him to look at that gun and know death was seconds away, waiting for him, just like Boone had to wait!" The tears are back and I fall to the ground, unable to hold myself up. Kate is there, putting her arm around my shoulders. "I didn't want her to fire," I say, to all three of them. "I didn't want her to fire, please tell her that. Please tell Sayid." He's going to be furious with me. Kate holds me and lets me cry as Jack and Locke both leave in separate directions.

* * *

><p>"How's your head?" I ask Locke later, after the rain stops.<p>

"It'll heal," he says.

"Another war wound," I joke.

"I want you to know, I'm not going to hold it against you, what you did. I forgive you," he tells me. The look on his face says he really means it.

"Well, thanks, but I'm not really here for redemption. I don't forgive you for what you did. I definitely don't trust you. So now, you're going to take me to the hatch." I tell him.

"Hatch?" he puts on a confused expression. "I already showed you the—,"

"John, no more lies," I say, silencing him.

"Fine," he concedes. "I'll take you there in the morning. First thing."

"Great," I say, proud to have finally won a battle. "But we take Sayid. I owe him one."


	35. Day 43: Discretion

**Hello, everyone! Sorry for the longer-than-usual update. I'm on fall break and yesterday afternoon I lost power at my house because of storms. I'm uploading this from a Barns and Noble ;). As always, thank you for reading. Please, please, please, if you could, shoot me a review! I'm almost done with season one and will be ending this book soon and starting season 2 separately. Thank you all and enjoy!**

"Sayid," I say, grabbing his attention. He's sitting outside his tent. He looks up and me with an excellent poker face. "I own you an apology. It was wrong of me to tell Shannon where the guns were. She could have hurt Locke, or worse, herself. I wouldn't have been able to live with that. I know that it cost you to do what you did. Stopping her. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted. You were angry and impulsive. I do not blame you at all."

"Really?" I ask in disbelief. That was easier than I thought. "Still," I continue. "Let me make it up to you."

"How?"

"Locke is gonna take me to the hatch, right now. Wanna come?" His eyes light up and he gets to his feet, ready to follow.

* * *

><p>We follow Lock through the jungle. It doesn't take long until he says "Here we are."<p>

It's a giant cylindrical, metal…thing built into the ground. It looks like Locke and Boone have dug around the entire outside, trying to get to the bottom. On top there's what looks like a door, with a glass window on top. I climb over to it. You can't see through, it's too thick.

"What is it?" Sayid asks.

"It's a hatch, Sayid. A hole in the ground. Boone and I were trying to get inside."

I turn around. "You were what?" I demand.

Locke looks innocent. "We were trying to break the glass on top to get inside."

"We need to bury it," Sayid says, still staring. I'm relieved he agrees with me.

"What?" Locke asks, surprised.

"You don't know what's inside this thing," I say to Locke, outraged with his idea. "You don't know if it's safe. What if it belongs to Ethan or his people? The ones you claim are here with us."

"All the more reason to open it," Locke says.

"You're not making any sense. We n—,"

Locke cuts me off. "Fine, we tell Jack. Bring in another opinion, another open mind."

I turn to Sayid, silently asking what he thinks of this. "Fine with me," he answers.

* * *

><p>"How much further?" Jack asks us. Sayid and I left Locke at the hatch. We're bringing Jack to it now.<p>

"We're almost there," Sayid answers.

"You two want to tell me where we're going?"

"It's better that you see it for yourself," Sayid says.

"No, I'm not so sure that it is," Jack says, stopping. "Tell me why you brought me out here or I'm going to turn around."

"They brought you out here because I asked them to." It's Locke, from the tree line to the hatch. "I asked them not to tell you. I wanted you to have an open mind."

"An open mind about what?" Locke waves Jack in his direction and Jack, Sayid, I follow. When we reach the hatch, Jack's eyes widen to an extreme.

"My god, what is this thing?" he asks.

"Exactly," Locke agrees. "I guess it's time we talked about this."

Jack gets down into the hole Locke and Boone dug around the outside of the cylinder. "How long have you known about this?" he asks Locke.

"Three weeks, give or take."

"Three weeks? You've been out here for three weeks digging this thing up and you never told me about it?" Jack demands. Sayid and I sit by the edge of the hole, watching Jack explore.

"All due respect, Jack," Locke says, slightly annoyed. "But since when do I report to you?"

"All due respect, John, but you lied," Jack retorts.

"How long did you have that case full of guns before you decided the rest of us needed to know? You used your best discretion. I used mine." Locke defends.

Jack taps the side of the cylinder. "So how do we open it?" he asks.

"What?" Sayid and I burst out simultaneously.

"You want to open it?" Sayid asks.

"Yeah."

"We should bury it!" Sayid says. "We brought you here to talk him out of this insanity. Anything could be inside!"

"Jack you and I have seen what happens when we agree to go along with this guy," I say, pointing to Locke. "Boone died because of his ideas, his explorations. What do you think might happen if we went along with this one? Does someone else have to die for you to see that any idea this man comes up with is crap!"

"Best case scenario there's supplies," Jack defends. "Worst case, we use it as a shelter."

"Actually, Jack," Sayid counters. "I can think of much worse cases than that. You notice anything about this hatch? There's no handle. Could the reason for that be more obvious? Maybe it was never meant to be opened from the outside."

Jack just looks between the two of us. He crawls out of the hole. "We can talk about this later," he says. "Right now, we need to help Michael get the raft ready to sail. We're running out of time on that."

* * *

><p>We all start walking back to the beach camp. We're almost there when we hear someone yelling Jack's name frantically. "Yeah, over here!" Jack yells back.<p>

It's Kate. Out of breath she tells us "It's Michael, something's wrong."

We make a bolt for it, running towards the raft. Michael is there, laying on some seat cushions from the plane, grabbing his stomach and grunting with pain. "What'd you eat today?"

"Uh, fruit, fish," he grunts out.

"You drinking enough water?"

"Two or three bottles."

"Where are you getting that water from?"

"You know, the caves, like everybody else."

"Alright, listen, Michael," Jack instructs. "Just take it easy, okay? You stay in the shade and try not to move too much, okay?"

"No!" Michael protests. "We have to launch that raft tomorrow. We have to." He tries to stand up, but is kept at bay by the pain in his stomach.

"I know, I know," Jack says, helping him back down. "I need you to lay back." Jack stands up and heads towards Michael and Jin's cooler of water bottles. I don't know where Sayid went off to, but he's gone now. Locke and I follow Jack.

"What do you think it is? Heatstroke?" Locke asks.

"No, he would have felt that coming on," Jack answers.

"Bad fruit maybe? Raw fish?" Locke continues.

"Michael and Jin are on the same diet."

"But, Jin's fine." I say.

Jack starts looking at the empty water bottles. "Jin's fine," he agrees. "Whatever was making him sick was metabolized fast. It hit him quick and it hit him hard."

"So you think it was the water," I say.

Jack grabs a bottle and shows it to Locke and myself. "No, I don't think it was the water. I think it was something in the water." At the bottom of the bottle is a white substance. Some kind of plant that's been ground up into a powder.

Jack goes to check on Michael as Locke decides to question Hurley, who spends a lot of time here at the raft. I sit on the edge of the raft and listen to Locke and Hurley. "I'm on bamboo duty," Hurley says. "But yeah, sometimes I help refill the water."

"Michael and Jin getting along?" Locke asks.

"Well, they fight like a married couple building a raft together...,"

"You told him?" Locke asks Jack, who has come over to him and Hurley.

"He thinks Sawyer might have done it," Jack informs him, referring to Michael.

"Oh, because of Kate?" Hurley asks.

"Kate?" Jack asks confused.

"Yeah, I guess she wants on the raft," Hurley tells them. "So Sawyer went off on Michael because, you know, he gets to decide who goes. Hey, you don't think Kate did it, do you?"

"Why would Kate poison Michael?" Locke asks.

"Well, you know, the whole fugitive thing," Hurley says. Jack stares at Hurley, pissed that he said something. "He doesn't know?" Hurley asks. "Well, how am I supposed to keep straight who knows what around here? I mean, Steve didn't even know about the polar bear." Hurley looks over at me. "Did you know?"

"Yeah," I say. Jack shoots me a confused look. "I overheard you and her talking once, but I didn't tell anybody. She doesn't even know that I know."

"What did she do?" Locke asks.

"I don't know," Jack says, annoyed. "Why don't you ask her?"

"And you didn't think the others should know about this, Jack?" Locke says.

"Discretion, John," Jack says, walking away.

Locke turns to me. "I see you've been keeping your own secrets," he says. "Maybe you could stop judging me now?"

I look at him coldly. "I kept that secret because it wasn't mine to tell. And if you hadn't noticed, Kate being a fugitive hasn't hurt anyone. We don't know if she did this. You're not off the hook yet, John," I say coldly.

I walk away and grab Michael's poisoned bottle that Jack set aside. I open the lid and sniff.

Oh my god. I know who did this.

* * *

><p>I notice her sitting out, watching Jin work on the raft while Michael rests, a long way away. "Hi, Sun," I greet her, sitting down.<p>

"Hello," she says, solemnly.

"I want to thank you," I say to her. "For helping with Boone. I know you tried your hardest. I know you have no medical training, but you were great."

"Thank you," she says. "I didn't want him to die. He was a good man and I know you loved him."

"Yeah, well…" I hesitate, uncomfortable with the way the conversation is headed.

"He was very brave. In the end," she says, grabbing my hand for comfort.

I can't wait any longer. "Why'd you do it, Sun? Why'd you poison Michael?"

She lets go of my hand, fast. "How did you know?" she asks, confused.

"No one knows plants and herbs on this island like you do, Sun."

She bows her head. "I didn't want him to leave."

"Michael?" I ask, confused.

"No, Jin. I don't want him to go on that raft. He could get hurt. He could die. I didn't mean to poison Michael. I wanted Jin to have a reason to stay." Her eyes plead with a desperation for me to understand. After seeing Boone die, right in front of me, I know how she must feel right now.

"Sun," I say, hesitantly. "Jin is going on the raft. There's nothing you can do but say goodbye. Try to leave on good terms."

"When I was a little girl, I believed that once I found the man I loved I would be happy, forever."

I think about Boone. How he made me frustrated, confused, nervous. But also how I was safe, and happy. What would have happened if we'd had more time?

I grab Sun's hand as a tear trickles down her cheek.


	36. Day 44 Part 1: Boom

She woke everyone up, striding into the camp, rifle loaded by her side. She looked wild. Her long hair was nappy and un-brushed. Her eyes were wide and far away, lonely and tired. There was something else in them…something unsettling. Everyone stared at her as she walked past our tents, waking everyone in alarm.

"She's got to be the French chick," Sawyer confirms. Danielle Rousseau.

"Calm down everyone. It's alright," Sayid calls, running up to her. She's stopped now and is staring at Claire, holding her newborn baby boy, who has started to cry.

"Danielle?" Sayid asks. "Danielle? What are you doing here?"

She looks away from Claire, staring Sayid right in the face. "The Others are coming," she says.

"Who is coming?" Sayid asks her. But I can tell by his tine that he already knows who.

"Our ship went aground on this Island sixteen years ago. There were six of us, my team, six. At that time I was already seven months pregnant. I delivered the infant myself. The baby and I were together for only one week when I saw black smoke. A pillar of black smoke five kilometers inland. That night they came, they came and took her…Alex. They took my baby. And now, they're coming again. They're coming for all of you.

"Who's coming?" Jack asks her again.

"The Others," she says, impatient, her French accent strong, but interrupting. "You have only three choices: run…hide…or die."

* * *

><p>Michael and Jin have set up giant logs of wood as leavers to move the raft to the shoreline. It's huge, the raft. I'm impressed at how amazing it is. Everyone from camp is here, helping. For the moment we've put Rousseau's warnings to the back of our minds. The raft is the most important thing right now.<p>

"So, listen," Michael shouts to us. "On my count, I'll do 1-2-3—lift and then push, okay? Got it? Okay, c'mon. Once we get it down to the water line, we'll drop it and load it up." He runs to a leaver, grabbing it. "Alright. Ready. 1-2-3! Lift!"

With all of my might (mostly through my good arm) I start pushing on the leaver. The raft inches forward slowly, but it moves. "Push! Push," Michael shouts. "C'mon guys, push, push! Use the levers, use the levers! Good, good. 1-2-3, lift!"

We lift again, but this time, the raft grabs momentum on the sloping hill towards the shore. But the bunching sand stops the momentum, jerking the raft to a stop, causing the mast to fall off with the force of the impact. Everyone moves away from the raft, not wanting to touch it and make the situation worse.

"I can't believe this!" Michael shouts in frustration. "Can't believe it."

"What are you looking at me for?" Sawyer yells. "It's not my fault!"

"You missed a lever!" Michael accuses.

"Because you couldn't keep the raft going straight!"

"I couldn't keep the boat going straight? Everybody's attention—,"

Walt cuts Michael off. "Dad! Look," he shouts, pointing towards the north. A pillar of black smoke is rising up into the sky.

* * *

><p>Jack, Locke, Sayid, Hurley and I are standing around Rousseau, who is sitting in the sand, loading her rifle.<p>

Jack is questioning Rousseau. "How many of them are there?"

"I told you all I know," she insists.

"There has to be more you tell us. How did you know?"

"You have a bigger problem," she says, aiming her gun. "I can vanish into the jungle, but I'm just one person. You have forty people. Where will you hide them?"

Jack and Locke exchange a look. I know what they're thinking: the hatch. Jack had said yesterday that we could potentially use it as a shelter.

"Tia—," Jack starts.

"No, Jack," I say. "Absolutely not. We don't even know if it's safe!"

"Know if what's safe?" Hurley asks.

"You don't wanna know," I tell him. "We're not doing this, Jack."

"Maybe we should ask her opinion," Locke says, nodding to Rousseau. Her face holds a look of confusion.

* * *

><p>Against my protests, Jack and Locke have taken Rousseau and Hurley to the hatch for the first time. I'm extremely pissed that I'm being ignored, but the only reason I conceded was because there's no way we can get this open by tonight.<p>

"Dude. Whoa," Hurley exclaims as we break the tree line.

"What is this?" Rousseau asks, jumping into the hole and caressing the side of the cylinder.

"We were hoping you could tell us," Jack says.

"I have never seen anything like it," she says, amazed.

"Uh, question," Hurley says. "How do we know we can all, like, fit in there?"

"No handle on the outside, means there must be another way in," Locke says. "Another entrance means space."

"This is a mistake," Sayid insists, and I'm relived someone is still on my side. "We don't know anything about these Others. We're reacting with no information, no intelligence. This hatch might even be theirs. Black smoke on the horizon doesn't mean they're—,"

"It means they're coming!" Rousseau insists.

"Yeah, we got that," Jack says.

"You booby-trapped your shelter with explosives," Locke says to Rousseau. "You have any more?"

"Dynamite, at the Black Rock, in the dark territory."

"Well, that's three reasons to go right there," Hurley says.

"If we're to make it back by sunset we have to leave within the hour," Rousseau says.

"Dammit!" I yell, frustrated "No, this is not happening! There is not dynamite just at our disposal. That doesn't just happen!"

"You're right, Tia," Locke says. "This doesn't just happen. We need a place to hide. We have a place, and a way to open it. This is a sign!" his eyes gleam with anticipation. "We have to open it!"

"So we're doing this?" Jack asks. "We're gonna blow open the hatch?"

Sayid and I exchange frustrated looks. I make a decision. "Fine. You wanna blow open a hatch with dynamite from the magic jungle? Let's do it. I'm dying to prove you wrong."

"So you're coming?" Locke asks.

"Yeah, I guess I am."

* * *

><p>When we get back to the beach, Jack speaks to the other castaways. "Look, I know you're all scared. And I know everybody has a lot of questions. All I can tell you right now is that we do have a plan. We've got to go into the jungle to get some supplies. We'll be back in a few hours. In the meantime, do everything you can to help Michael get that raft on the water. And after that, go to the caves. We'll be back as soon as we can. I promise." He leaves his perch and is approached by this guy named Arzt. Arzt is the guy who collects bugs from the jungle, the one I thought my mom would get along with. I don't stay to listen, I go get my water and start to say my goodbyes to those going on the raft. I'll be leaving for The Black Rock before they leave because they're still repairing the mast.<p>

"Hey, Tia," Charlie calls to me as I'm packing my water. "Did you write a message?"

"Message for what?" I ask. He's carrying a small stack of paper and a few pens and pencils.

"We're putting them in a bottle. Sending them off with the raft. So your family can get contacted for when we get rescued."

That's…actually a great idea. I nod my head and Charlie hands me a piece of paper and a pencil.

Who am I going to write to? Gran? Donny? Gil? I decide, reluctantly on the one person who I know can contact them all.

_Donald Samuels Sr._  
><em>Sacramento, California.<em>

_Dad,_

_I left Gran. You told me to stay in Australia, but did you really think I would? Have I ever done anything you told me to? _

_I guess it finally bit me in the ass. _

_You know what you're going to do for me? You're going to find Gil. I know he's out of the Peace Corps now. You're going to apologize for everything you did to him, immediately. You're going to help Donny. Not just stick him somewhere so you don't have to deal with his problems. You're going to bring Gran home. I know she hates California, but she'd rather be there with me and the boys then stuck in Hell Down Under. _

_You know why you're going to do these things, Dad? Because for however long I've been gone, you've thought I was dead. And now that you know I'm not, you have a reason to honor what you actually have. To thank whoever you please that I'm still alive, just like you wanted me._

_One more thing. I need you to find someone. Sabrina Carlyle. She runs a wedding company out of Los Angeles. _

_I want you to know that I'm free now. I know what it's like to finally be out of your grip. My involvement in your life is now my choice. You have to earn it. _

_Tia_

I fold the paper, once in half and roll it into a scroll. I find Charlie talking to Locke and hand him the paper and pen. He smiles and puts it into a green wine bottle.

Message in a bottle. How adorable.

I head over to Michael, who's securing the spot for a new mast. "Good luck," I tell him, giving him a hug. It's so weird. I didn't know these people just over a month ago, and now, I depend on them for almost everything.

"Yeah, thanks," he says. "Hey, I'm sorry about Boone. I know I haven't said anything about it, but, he was a good guy. He didn't deserve what he got." Michael's eyes are solemn. "But he did deserve you."

I'm shock by his comment. Ever since Boone jumped him in the jungle a couple of weeks ago, Michael has been incredibly cold towards him. I'm touched by Michael's words, none the less. I can't muster up any words in response and just nod.

Walt is sitting in the sand, petting Vincent. I know it must be breaking Walt's heart to know he'll have to leave him behind. I think about his kid, sitting in front of me. Former bad relationship with his father, dead mother. In a family aspect we're so similar. I sit down in front of him, on my knees. "I am gonna miss you, kid," I say.

"Yeah, you too," he says, stroking Vincent's yellow neck. "I'm sorry about Boone," he continues, echoing his father. I nod in response. "I'm giving Vincent to Shannon."

I'm surprised by this. "Why?" I ask.

"When my mom died, no one would talk to me, so I talked to Vincent. He's a great listener. If you ever need anyone to talk to, he'll be there for you." He looks up into my face, squinting from the sunlight. "He can keep you safe."

Those last five words confirm what I knew about Walt all along. He's a special kid who cares about people. All he wants is to be happy. I look at the yellow Labrador and I reach up to pet him. My hand cups the dog's face the same way Boone would hold mine. I turn back to Walt. "You're a great kid," I say, doing my best to hold back tears. "You take care of your father, okay? And I'll help Shannon take care of Vincent. Do we have a deal?"

He smiles. "Okay, deal." We fist bump our promises.

I make my way over to Jin, who is tying cords together. I have never really spoken to him before, regardless of him not speaking English. He sees me approach and I'm not sure what to say. I offer him my hand to shake. He grasps it. As he stares at it, his eyebrows squint. "Thank…you," he says. "Sun…thank you." I realize he's thanking me for looking after Sun. I smile, thinking there may be hope for the two of them yet.

"Take care of yourself, Jin," I say. "Stay safe." He smiles and pulls me into a hug, which startles me, but I sink into it, hugging back. When we part, he is still grasping my hand. He bows slightly. I smile then head over to Jack and company, who are waiting on me and Kate, who's decided to join our trek into the jungle for the dynamite.

"Hey, Charlie, have you seen Sawyer?" she asks him.

"No."

"Alright, let's go," Jack calls to her.

She says goodbye to Charlie and jogs over to us. Jack, Kate, Hurley, Locke, Rousseau, Arzt (who demanded to come because he claims to know a lot about dynamite), and I head out into the jungle, and for the millionth time since we crashed, I don't know what's going to happen.

* * *

><p>We hike for what seems like hours. There is little talking, especially from me. I'm still so angry that Jack has ignored everything I tried to warn him about. I'm also not happy about being stuck on this expedition with Locke, who I'm sure could easily do something rash and get us all killed.<p>

Rousseau stops us and reaches up a tree, grabbing a black piece of fabric hanging from a low branch. "Le Territoire Fonce," she says ominously.

"The Dark Territory," I translate, remembering from Sayid and Shannon's work.

"The Black Rock is not far," she continues. "This is where it all began. Where my team got infected, where Montand lost his arm. We must move quickly."

Thunder sounds above us as Arzt says "You know what? I'm going back."

"Hey, I thought you wanted to help," Jack says, grabbing Arzt's arm to stop him.

"Yeah, I wanted to help and that was before Montand lost his fricking arm."

"Well, what about the dynamite?"

Arzt looks at Jack contemplating, then says "Just be very careful with it," he says, turning around and walking away.

Pansy ass.

* * *

><p>Not long after Arzt leaves, we're deep into The Dark Territory and it's started to rain. Soon, I'm completely soaked through. I hate being this wet. I can handle sweat and dampness, but soaking wet is just uncomfortable and gross.<p>

We're crossing some rocks when we hear a strange noise coming from the east. It kind of sounds like "whop, whop, whop," over and over again. We stop in our tracks. It doesn't sound like The Monster, but out here in the Jungle of Mystery, anything could creep up on us.

I look through the trees and try to see past the rain. A figure is moving towards us. It's Arzt, running away from something. As he gets closer though, he starts to form a coherent word. "Run, run, run!" he shouts to us.

All of the sudden I can hear the noise of The Monster. I can't describe it. There's nothing like it. It's kind of mechanical sounding, but at the same time, it's not a machine. I want to run, but there's that part of me inside that's been screaming since day one: _You need to see this. You need to figure out what this is. For Mom. _

I notice that Locke hasn't moved either and has his hand starched out in front of Hurley. The sound of the monster is getting nearer and Hurley says "Dude, we've got to book,"

"Wait," Locke tells him. "It's headed the other way."

Indeed it is. The ticking, mechanical sound of The Monster is headed in another direction, away from us and the direction of the rest of our party. When it's completely gone, the rain stops and Locke, Hurley and I head toward Jack, Kate, Rousseau, and Arzt. They're coming out of the cover of Banyan trees as the three of us approach.

"Uh, where's Arnzt?" Hurley asks.

"It's Arzt, you idiot," he says, coming out of a Banyan tree that's further away.

"Dude, I thought you were dead."

Arzt ignores him. "Can we just, please, go get the dynamite, please?" he says, dropping his hands to his side.

* * *

><p>About thirty minutes later Rousseau stops walking and stares at something in the west.<p>

"Why are we stopping?" Locke asks her, standing ahead of me.

"Because we're here," she says. "This is the Black Rock."

I walk out of the trees. In front of me sits a giant, old ship. Like right out of a pirate movie. The words "Black Rock" and "Portsmouth" are etched across the back in faded gold. It's overgrown with vegetation and there's a tree fallen on top, but, yeah it's a pirate ship…in the middle of the jungle, nowhere near the shore.

"How exactly does something like this happen?" Hurley asks.

"Are you on the same Island as I am?" Rousseau responds.

"I guess that explains it," he says.

Jack, Kate, Locke, and Rousseau start moving towards a broken hole in the side of the ship. "Hold on, wait, hold on," Arzt says. "What are we a couple miles inland? A tsunami probably swept it here, huh, right?

But Rousseau isn't heading for the hole. She's started walking away from us. Jack notices this ad starts calling to her "Hey, hey, where are you going?"

"The explosives are in the hold of the ship," she says to him

"Rousseau, wait."

"I did what you asked," she says. "You need dynamite, you don't need me."

"Let her go, Jack." Locke says and Rousseau walks away.

"Who's going to lead us back?"

"I'll lead us back," Locke says.

Jack mutters something inaudible. "You heard her," he says to us. "The explosives are in the hold. Let's go."

But Arzt stops him. "Whoa, whoa, hold on. I came here to tell you how to handle dynamite, not explore some ghost ship, you think I'm go—,"

"Alright, just stay out here," Jack says.

"Uh, I'm going to stay out here and hang with Arnzt," Hurley says.

Jack looks at me. "What about you?"

"You're kidding, right?" I say. "I'm here only to prove a point. Go get your dynamite, but I'm not touching any of it."

Jack nods and he, Kate, and Locke head inside.

I go stand plenty far away from the ship, leaning against a tree. Arzt and Hurley sit on the ground. Arzt starts to complain about something, but I zone out.

Why did I come? Was it really just to prove a point. I could have stayed behind, helped get the raft into the water, said my goodbyes a proper way. Instead I came here to…what? I'm not going to stop them. That much is clear.

As much as I hate to admit it, I want to know what's in that hatch. Does it belong to Ethan's team? These Others? Or is it something bigger? What is it that Boone died for? Does the Beechcraft even have a connection to the hatch? Or is this all just John Locke, using us for his own fun and games. I think about how he stopped Sayid from locating Rousseau's transmission. How he didn't run when The Monster was so near. What is it with this guy? There's more to his story than his hunter exterior, I'm sure of it.

I hear Arzt over to my left. "And then my 3rd wife, she says, get this, she says, 'I didn't sign up for this.' Now you tell me, what the hell is that even supposed to mean? What, am…am I boring you?"

I look over. Hurley's eyes are far away as he answers "Huh?"

"You know what?" Arzt says to Hurley, bringing him back to reality. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I'm not cool enough to be part of your merry little band of adventurers."

"What?" Hurley asks him, confused.

"I know a clique when I see it. I teach high school, pal. You know, you people think you're the only ones on this Island doing anything of value. I've got news for you. There were forty other survivors of this plane crash. And we are all people, too.

"Okay," Hurley answers, still confused.

"It's not just the teenagers in high school. You know, the gym teachers? You think they let me sit with them in the cafeteria? No. They do not."

What is this guy's deal?

"Dude, this is all in your head," Hurley tells him.

"Really? Then you explain to me why Tia over there gets the best pieces of wreckage to build her shelter? And the Korean guy? Does he catch fish for everybody on the Island? No, he does not. And some of us have actually lost weight while we were here. Now, would mind telling me where you're hiding the carbs because I can't figure...,"

He trails off as Kate comes out of the ship with a flashlight, guiding Jack and Locke, who are carrying a crate with the word "explosives" stamped across the side.

"What the hell are you people doing?" Arzt shouts. "Wait, wait, stop, right where you are. Alright, I want you to put that down carefully." Jack and Locke slowly move the box to the ground. "Put it gently, damn it! Alright, now get out of there," Arzt says, motioning for Jack and Locke to move away. "Come away from there. C'mon, get out. Move away from it."

"What the hell are you doing?" Jack asks him, irritated as he moves away from the box.

"Shhh. Be quiet." Arzt tells him. "Do any of you have any idea what happens to dynamite in ninty-plus degree heat, huh?" He starts to open the crate with a pocket knife, prying open the top. "Any of you? It sweats nitroglycerin." Jack starts to move toward him as he takes the lid off, but Arzt yells "Whoa, hey, what you doing? Did I ask you to come closer?" Jack backs off. "Dynamite," Arzt continues. "Is nitroglycerin stabilized by clay. Nitroglycerin is the most dangerous and unstable explosive known to man."

He grabs a stick as he says this, removing one from the box that's covered in a white-ish gray substance, which is presumable the clay. "Hey, Kate give me your shirt," Arzt demands. She hesitates but Arzt yells "Now, princess, give me your shirt. I need to wrap the dynamite." Kate takes off her over-shirt and starts to move towards Arzt but he stops her. "Just throw it to me, right here." He catches is and starts soaking it in the wet puddle of mud beside his foot. "Okay, good, now back up. Just back up. Get out of my way."

Arzt starts to wrap the dynamite in Kate's ruined shirt. "Any of you ever hear about the guy who invented nitroglycerin? Probably not, because he blew his freaking face off. His lab assistant came into the room, saw that his mentor detonated, and he said, 'Huh, I guess this stuff does work.'". Arzt has finished wrapping the shirt and holds the wet bundle to the side. "Alright, we're not going to take any more of this stuff than we need because nitroglycerin is extremely temperamental, so we—,"

BOOOOOOM!

We're thrown off of our feet into the ground as Arzt explodes, pieces of his flesh falling on top of us. As soon as we can, we sit up and stare at where his body used to be, now just a giant black spot on the ground.

As soon as possible, Jack, Locke, and Kate stand up. Hurley and I are still on the ground, in shock. "Everybody okay?" Locke asks us.

"Are you serious?" I ask him, finally looking away from the spot. "Are we okay? Did you miss what just happened?"

"No, I didn't," he says frankly, moving toward the box, Jack and Kate right behind him.

I get up quickly and grab his arm, stopping him. I look up into his face, which is barely readable. "This," I say, looking straight into his hazel eyes. "Is your fault. Another life gone on your hands. Are you really gonna go through with this?"

Jack and Kate do nothing to break the tension. Locke stares at me back, his poker face breaking only slightly. "Yes," he says, and yanks his arm out of my tight grip.

Hurley has moved to a fallen tree and is sitting on it. He looks like he's in complete shock. I sit down beside him. "Are you alright?" I ask.

"That was messed up," he answers.

"Yeah," I agree.

"He just...exploded…right in front of us. He was just trying to help," he pauses. "This is because I came."

I turn to him. "What?" This is not his fault. It's less his fault than anyone's here.

"I'm kind of bad luck," he says hesitantly.

"Hurley," I say, touching his shoulder. "It was an accident."

But he's not convinced. "An accident, yeah."

Kate has backed off and is standing close to Hurley and I. Jack finishes wetting a tee shirt from his pack in the mud puddle and brings it over to Locke, who's staring at the crate. Jack lays the shirt on the ground and Locke grabs a stick from the box that's not covered in clay. Ever so gently, he lays it on the shirt. He grabs a string of fuse from the box and lays it down away from the dynamite. He and Jack are talking, but I can't hear what they say.


	37. Flashback 5: The Airport

September 2004. Sydney, Australia.

"I'm sorry miss," the woman behind the front desk said. "My system tells me that your card is out of funds."

"That's impossible," I said to her. "There should be at least four thousand U.S. dollars on that card."

She slipped it through the teller again. "I'm sorry miss, but it just says 'Insufficient Funds'. There's nothing I can do."

"I have to make this flight. Can't you charge it to credit or something?"

"Miss, we cannot charge a United States credit card at an airport."

I conceded. "Fine. Thanks for your help."

I walked over to the bench by the luggage train. I guess I was missing that interview in Los Angeles, because there's no way I'm letting Gran fly out there tomorrow. Not with my father's wrath waiting for us.

"Are you alright?" I looked up and saw a woman standing above me. She was wearing a blue shirt over a tan dress and her hair was blonde.

"Yeah, I'm peachy," I said.

"Is there anything I could do to help?"

"Not unless you've got an extra ticket to Los Angeles or two thousand dollars you could give me," I muttered sarcastically.

"Hold on a tick," she said and walked away.

I sat there, waiting for her to return. There's no way she was going to buy me a ticket, was there?

She was back in seconds. In her hand was a wad of cash. She handed it to me.

I counted the money. Two thousand dollars. "I can't take this!" I said to her standing up, holding it out to her.

She put her hands up in protest. "I saw your bag," she said pointing at my suitcase where the army logo was hanging off a tag on the side. "Did you serve?" she asked.

"Yes, but that's not important. Please take this back. I was joking."

"No you weren't," she said, ignoring my thrusting hand. "Thank you for your service. Maybe I'll see you around L.A. sometime."

I was speechless. All I could muster out of my mouth was "I don't even know your name."

"It's Libby," she said.


	38. Day 44 Part 2: The Hatch

Eventually they have separated three sticks of dynamite in one shirt and three in another. "We can carry all the sticks in my pack," Jack says. "The more insulation we stuff in the better."

"I think we should split them up," Locke suggests.

"What?"

"It's not smart to keep it all together. So, we split them up. If we need three sticks to blow the hinge then we should bring six. Three and three. Failsafe, in case one of us..." He doesn't need to finish the sentence.

"You and me, then," Jack agrees

"No, I'm taking one," Kate says, stepping up.

"It's not going to happen, no." Jack denies, shaking his head.

"This is why I came," she insists.

"Then, you wasted a trip."

"I need to do this."

"Kate, no one owes anyone anything."

They keep arguing until Locke cuts them off.

"We'll draw straws," he suggests. "They're coming. We don't have time to argue about who gets to risk their life, so we'll let fate decide."

"Works for me," Kate agrees.

"What about you?" Jack says to Hurley. "You want to carry some dynamite, too?" But Hurley just stares at Jack. "What?" he asks.

Hurley points to Jack's shoulder. "You got some... Arnzt on you."

Jack flicks the flesh off of his shoulder as Locke retrieves three small, different sized twigs. "Short sticks carry the packs," he declares. Kate and Jack both grab a twig from Locke's hand. Jack's is considerably longer than the two. "Looks like it's me and you, Kate," Locke says. Jack shakes his head, pissed with the decision.

Jack and Locke put the dynamite is separate packs. Jack helps Kate put hers on. "Sorry," she says to him.

"Yeah, well, luck of the draw."

"The sun sets in ninety minutes, give or take," Locke informs us, securing his pack. "If we want to get back to the Hatch we're going to have to hustle."

"Okay, this is how we do this," Jack commands. "I'll lead. Kate, you're right behind me, then Tia, then Hurley. John, you bring up the rear. If you start to see me heading the wrong way—,"

"We should stagger our formation," Locke suggests, cutting him off. "Keep a safe distance from each other."

"Alright, we stagger," Jack agrees. "If anyone hears anything or sees anything—,"

"Like the security system that eats people?" Hurley asks.

"Yeah, like that. You two, you take your packs off, you put them down and you run. You got it?" Jack says to Kate and Locke.

They both agree. "Okay, let's do this," Jack says. We take off.

* * *

><p>The jungle is even more ominous with the threat of explosion every time Kate or Locke takes a step. I hear Hurley and Locke behind me. "So, dude? What do you think is inside of that hatch thing?" Hurley asks Locke.<p>

"What do you think is inside it?" he counters.

"Stacks of TV dinners from the 50's, or something. And TVs with cable, some cell phones, clean socks, soap, Twinkies. You know, for dessert, after the TV dinners. Twinkies keep for, like, eight thousand years, man."

Locke laughs. "I like Twinkies, too."

"C'mon, really, what do you think is inside?" Hurley asks again.

"Hope," Locke answers simply. "I think hope is inside."

_I hope to god your ass explodes before we get to the hatch _I think bitterly.

There's a large screech from above us. I giant bird flies overhead.

"Whoever named this place Dark Territory? Genius." Hurley says.

I keep walking and almost run in to Kate, who's stopped in front of me. I ticking noise sounds to our right. I look just in time to see a small wisp of black smoke slither by. Jack turns around, asking with his eyes.

"Yeah, I saw it," Kate says. I nod my agreement.

We pick up the pace slightly but a screech sounds behind us. I turn and see two trees get uprooted from the ground with great force.

The Monster. I bolt. With all of this dynamite in tow, there's no way I'm going to see it now. I run, with the others but soon, we stop. Jack and Locke are gone. Kate yells Jack's name and takes off after him. Hurley clutches a cramp at his side.

"Dude, what was that?" he chokes out.

"Kate!" I yell, ignoring Hurley and chasing after her. I run with all of my might, catching up to her at the last minute. In front of us is Locke being pulled down a hole with tons of force and Jack, holding both of Locke's arms, trying to hold with all his might.

"Oh, my god," I say, stunned at what I'm witnessing.

"I need the dynamite," Jack yells to Kate. She takes her pack off and starts to unzip it but Jack stops her. "No, no, it's in my pack." She looks at him, as pissed as she could be given these circumstances, but Jack yells at her "Just go get it! Hurry, go!" She gets up and makes a dash back from where we came.

"Let me go," Lock says to Jack from the mouth of the hole. "Just let me go. I'll be alright."

"No!" Jack yells in protest.

"Let me go. I'll be alright."

"Hang on," Kate says, entering holding Jack's backpack. "I've got it."

"Careful unwrapping it," Jack warns her. She manages to get it out of the pack and out of the still damp tee shirt. "Now throw it in," Jack instructs, his voice straining while trying to hold Locke.

"No!" Locke protests.

"It'll blow us up," Kate says.

"Just hurry, I can't hold him!"

"Don't do this, Kate!" Locke tells her. She hesitates.

"Throw it in! Now, Kate!"

She throws it in the hole and deep below us I feel the ground tremble and there's a distant BOOM. About eight feet to our right, there's a large explosion from the ground and a giant bunch of black smoke gathers above the falling bits of dirt and ruffage. The smoke gathers in a bunch and, like it has a mind of its own, takes off to the west.

I'm still staring at where the smoke took off as Kate and Jack pull Locke out of the hole.

Was that "The Monster"? A giant bunch of smoke? How can that be possible?

* * *

><p>We retrieved Locke's bag and found Hurley in a couple of minutes. Everyone is to shell-shocked to talk about what happened so we're almost to the hatch by the time night has fallen.<p>

Hurley is whispering something as we get closer to the hatch, but I can't make it out. "You say something?" Kate asks him.

"Um, nope," he denies.

"I thought I heard twenty-three," she says.

"Does that mean something to either of you?" Hurley asks, noticing me listening.

"What?" I ask.

"That number? Twenty-three?"

"Well, I'm twenty-three years old—,"

"Yeah, yeah, other than that," he says, waving it off.

"The guy who called the feds on me, back in Australia," Kate says. "Did it for a 23,000 dollar reward. Mean something to you?" she counters.

"Nah, it's just a number," he says. "We better catch up. I can barely see them."

Kate and I exchange a look of confusion, but soon we start to walk after in silence.

By the time we catch up to Locke and Jack, we've made it to the hatch. They both carefully remove their packs. "Hugo," Locke says, using Hurley's given name. "Take these extra sticks back a couple hundred yards."

"Me?" he asks. "Oh, okay. Got it." But he doesn't sound too sure.

"Be careful," Jack tells him, handing him the pack.

"Can I have the flashlight?" Hurley asks. "Because, uh, the torch with the dynamite thing, not making a whole lot of sense to me." He and Jack trade Hurley's torch for a flashlight.

"Kate, you run the fuse, Jack and I will rig the charges," Locke says to her, handing her the roll of fuse.

"Okay." She starts to walk off. I follow her and we walk as far out as we can. When we reach the end of the fuse, Jack and Locke have the dynamite loaded and are standing near us.

"This is as far as it goes," Kate says when she reaches the end.

"It's far enough," Locke says. "I'll light it. You take cover, there'll be enough burn time for me to get clear."

"Hurley!" I call.

"Wait just a sec," he yells back.

I crouch near Jack and Kate, far away from the hatch, but still in sight. Jack and Kate start to argue about the dynamite situation. About how is was supposed to be in Kate's pack, but Jack put it in her's instead. I block most of it out, but something Jack says makes it through.

"Everybody wants me to be a leader until I make a decision that they don't like. You want to keep second guessing me, Kate? That's your call. There's something that you need to know," he pauses. "Tia are you listening?" he asks me. I nod and he continues. "If we survive this, if we survive tonight, we're going to have a Locke problem. And I have to know that you two have got my back."

"I've got your back," Kate says immediately.

My response takes a bit more time. "I've been saying for two days that this bald-headed bastard is a problem and now you want to know if I've got you back? What about you having my back Jack, when I said I didn't want to do this?"

Jack is saved from answering when Locke calls over "Are we ready?"

"Wait a sec, wait a sec," Hurley calls again. We wait a few seconds and I see Hurley drop his flashlight on the door of the hatch. The next thing I know, Hurley is yelling "Stop! Stop, we can't do this! Stop!" He says to Locke "Don't light it! Stop!" but Locke lights the fuse anyway. Hurley makes to stamp out the fuse while shouting "The Numbers are bad! Stop! What are doing? Why did you do that?" to Locke. "The Numbers are bad! The Numbers are bad!"

Jack gets up from his spot and tackles Hurley to the ground right as the explosion happens.

BOOOOOOM!

The light from the dynamite is massive, the impact colossal, much worse than Arzt. As soon as we can, we're all up, walking over to the door, which has been blown from its seal. Jack and Locke move the door away and look down into the hatch.

When I get there I look inside. It's a long, deep, tunnel, with a broken ladder on its edge. I can't see more than six or seven feet deep.

It's a pitch black abyss.

* * *

><p><strong>LOST<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Well, that's it! The end of season 1! check my profile to access season 2! don't forget to shoot me a review! I'd love to know your thoughts! What do you think of Tia as a character? How well am I doing fitting her into the story? Seriously, let me know!<strong>


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